You claim it is to save me.
You say I am worth the fight.
And yet, all I ever dream of
is a dark and silent night.

You disappeared.
I thought I was to be invited to a funeral.
But I would never attend.
Because I would have already gone.

I need to know you haven't done what I'm thinking of doing.

I always end up breaking them.

How much longer must I jail here;
imprisonment for what length of time?
Rails block the path I would wish to take,
had the choice to leap been truly mine.

How much longer must I starve here,
lasting out my days alive?
Until you find there is some mistake,
release the chains, and let me dive.

How much longer can I stand here,
permitting you to take my blame?
When all you have done is try to save me,
in hushed whispers to calm my flame.

How much longer could I think here,
perceive the crashing fall to land?
Why can you not let me shuffle forward
to break my hour glass of sand?

I am so sorry.
I am never there for anyone.
I just keep running.
I can’t stop.
I run from everything and everyone.
I push **** down.
I pretend it doesn’t bother me.
I fake it.
I put masks on all seven heads.
I mash them into one.
I force others to see someone else.
I am too hideous to look at.
I will burn them if they see.
I play with them too.
I entertain myself by manipulating them.
I would be ****** to death if they ever saw what I do to them.
I lie.
I torture.
I ******.
I become invisible beneath the smiles and no one suspects a **** thing.
I cover my hands in blood.
I use those hands to stab.
I use those hands to twist the knife.
I use those hands to hold back their heads so I can watch the light leave their eyes as their bodies convulse and collapse.
I use those hands to tear through their still-warm chests and to rip out their hearts because I am too tainted, too dark, to empty, to be able to grasp a soul.
I take them, and I run.
I realize now: it is not because I can’t stop.
It is because I won’t.
And now I understand:
I am not that sorry.

I hope you never see me the way I see myself;
And yet I need you to.