You know that saying?
"the only person you can truly rely on
and trust is yourself"
what about when you can't trust yourself?
when your mind deceives you
when you do the unpredictable
when you shock yourself and think
am I really that person?

Does that make you
more alone than being alone?
if loneliness is a feeling of being alone
but you don't have to be alone
to feel lonely
and you can be by yourself
but not feel loneliness at all
then humour me this

If I am by myself and I feel lonely
but I don't know myself tonight
and I don't trust my own presence
I don't feel comfortable at all
in my own company
so I don't have myself to rely on
because I myself, am not myself
am I more than alone?

Am I actually nothing now?
am I here at all?
do the thoughts I'm thinking
belong to somebody else?
do I now have to search the mind
of this man that I do not know
to find clues and remnants
of the person that once filled this body?
am I lost forever?

Waking up without you hurts like a hole in the head
and I don't know where you are
or what you've been up to, last night
I only remember letting you down, again
I did something bad, I know what I did
but you wouldn't believe that, I did it for you
and why should you?
I'm Finley, the **** of this earth
apparently

I'm a ******* mess, as you would say
I need help, night and ******* day
can't be without you babe
wouldn't have you any other way
but no one would believe me
when I said I did what I did, for you
I don't wake up without you, for me
for nothing

You tell me,
"if my mother knew about me, about you
she wouldn't want me to be with you, Finley"
and I cry and my heart aches
because it's true
I'm a monster, I hurt all the time
your loving mother would probably think
I've done everything, under the sun
but I'm not that bad
you know me

The police won't even take me in
they bring me home
where the monster in me, starts again
I'd peel the skin off of my body if I could
just to shed this feeling, to be free
to be free of the things that surface
the things I don't want people to see
yet so desperately need to understand
and I've said it before, life is truly
a lustrous haze

I know you don't understand
even though the skin I wear
could speak volumes
whilst the cries of my heart are inaudible
shrieking intense screams
confined and encased
in this feeble cage I call my body
and all the music in the world
can not soothe me
seems like nothing in this world
can put me at ease
except you

You are the arms that carry me away
the hands that wipe away
the tears on my face
and they burn like acid
like tear duct bleach
not strong enough to cleanse me of shame
but as you unknowingly wipe them away
I feel whole again, in some strange way
you make my life
you make me something else
when I can't even better myself

I flip a coin
Heads and I walk out
Tails and I stay

The coin lands on it's edge
Just my luck
Another decision

I hate decisions
Though I'll admit
Not as much as I hate change