my neighbors all say they can hear me singing
as i sink back down into my earthbound body
still tweaking my ******* with my eyebrows
arched & tongue still stuck lolling in the corner of my mouth

i'm confronted with a syrup mixture
of humiliation & guilt when they find me
in a fetal bundle in the early dawn light
bathing on the mattress ablaze with spiral light from
the window blinds

my shame is a palpable cartoon ****-cloud
of self-awareness as they
stand in awe & fear of the mysterious throbbing phenomena
attached between my hipbones

but in that moment of splendid transcendence
when my wet throat echoed the chirping song
of the radiator before they caught me
i was breathing vapor bent over a shovel violent hot chest
heaving like an attic full of abandoned possessions
liberating suppressed vivid stardust
memories & chanting ecstatically
sweaty complexion kneecaps quivering
like plastic water-bottle minnows
trapped in a meat locker releasing
stress from the bulbous pustules
collected on my face & soft jawline

liquid parts of me chased the low cirrus clouds
through long looping tunnels carved into the taut
blue january sky meadow as silver-tipped steam
hissed from the powerful glands in my armpits
i tried to regain control over my own
turbulent chaos almost crumbling

i heard sock feet stuttering in the foyer
& suddenly they appeared eating a winter peach
under the doorway trellis or with an armful
of fresh-cut flowers between the hallway of tall hedges
slack-jawed eyes vacant like so many broken windows
witnessing a spring butterfly devour a snake while i weep
into a magazine feverish with well-earned fatigue
left hand keeping a tight grip on my only future

later on i'm standing outside on a thriving carpet
of fungus as sunlight glares off my freckled
chest & the damp earth breathes aggressive moss
onto the trunks of old trees
crying bitterly because i
dug this hole in a dream of fitful sleep
my friends must always be high
because they all say
i'm bringing them down but
i'm scared one day i'll wake up
& there will be nothing left to say or
i'll have concrete where i used to see teeth

everything tonight is real
that's a lie but i'm going to continue
whispering it to myself like a mandala mantra
the sunset was almost unbearably beautiful
& i stood defiant with my back pushed against
it between hard edged pillars
of self-destruction & self-fulfillment
as it wreaked its havoc on the opposite sky
gray radio static warped through my ears
when i finally felt spiritually large enough
& my eyes clouded once again
with spontaneous emotion