Existence is pain, everything is a lie.
Nobody exsist on purpose,
Everything has to die.
No, I'm not depressed,
Or even distressed.
Just full of anger, hate, and regret.
Wish I could go and finally rest.
Yet I stay awake feeling pain in my chest,
From broken promises and ****** stress.

I'm both those men in your poem
The one that puts you in his arms
And the one who loved/lost you

Cuz I am sure that
You can not and will not
Find a man
Any man
With as loyal a set of arms as mine
With as safe a set of arms as mine

And I may frustrate you
I truly must have
I'm crazy
But the way I loved
Oh the way I loved

Who has ever shown you love
Like that
The way I have

No man's arms will ever suffice
After these ones right here

You can pick the million bads
In me
and hate me for it
Bitterness we call it

But don't you dare forget
The billion goods that turned
Into love and love me for it
Memories we call it

Oh what's that
You're running away??
From who
The person who was your home
From love itself as you knew of it

How far will you get running
Until you forget the way back
And then you'll panic
Cuz there will be no way left

From all of this
From all of that
I want nothing from you
But just one more memory

One that I can hang on to
One that I can live off
One that I can cry about

One that helps me wait for you
One that helps me love you
One that helps me miss you

One where we talk
One where we share food
One where we just love

And that's it

Something that I can hang on to
For the rest of my life

And if you can't give me that
Then something I can hang on to
For the next 4 years

And if you can't give me that
Then something I can hang on to
For the next few month

But give me something
To hang on to
To miss you off of
To love you off of
To hope of us off
To survive

Because without you
I can merely be alive
And I'd rather just survive

I'm about to lose her
And I keep trying not to think about it
But that's all I think about
All day
All the time

Soon she'll be far gone
I won't know how she is
I won't know if she is ok
I won't know how she looks
I won't know if she's alive
I won't know how she's living
Heck
I won't even know where she's living

I won't know if she falls in love again
With someone that's not me
Someone more white
Or
Someone more black

Someone that's just not me

I don't know if she'll miss me
I don't know if she'll wish to be back
I don't know if she'll ever want to call me

I won't know what time it'll be
When it's 4 in the a.m for me
When I'm still awake
Scrolling through the pictures on my phone
Scrolling through the poetry that she once wrote
2 and a half years ago for me
And then
For us
But now
She probably will write again
But I won't ever know
Who it's for
Or
What it's for

God forbid if she writes to me
I may not be able to handle it cuz it's gonna hurt and I know it
It's worse than I think
Worse than she can imagine

Cuz
We're still in love
Mad love
Crazy love
Stupid love

But love nonetheless less

But I will know

How much it hurts
And
That
I still will love her always
And
That
She wasn't just the first
She was my last too

Oh **** it hurts
Oh **** I love her