Cross my heart, I hope I'll die
I try to look you in the eye
I do not love you anymore
And I may break the oath I swore.

A moment of silence can free the tormented heart.
The world moves at the speed of light.
Time is flying by in the blink of an eye.
So much constant mental stimulation flowing throughout the day.
Technology is gradually stripping our humanity away.
Imagination inspired by the written word has transformed into zombie stares into a screen.
Conversations that once lead to new creations and thoughts that touched the heart and moved the soul, have been discarded like yesterday's trash and replaced with a unemotional, unfeeling text message.
The power of the pen is weakened into memory and replaced with keyboard strikes and lighted screen.
How uncommon it is to find a kindred spirit among the crowd.
Someone who can appreciate the ramblings of a sensitive heart, a wondering mind, an uneasy soul.
That only release of the cage of this society is to put ink to parchment.
Line after Line of the deepest, darkest, dimensions of the mind.

She walks into school
      and it starts again
           the shaking,
               it rips through her like a wave
She hears the sound of the voices
      in the hallway
         yet she cant make out what they're saying
She thinks all eyes are on her,
     everything is just one big blur
She hears laughter and
     she automatically thinks its
        directed at her
She waits in the bathroom
     like she does every morning
        for the halls to be clear
She walks out
     and wipes away her tears

So much depends upon
The strength of that boy
That gangling brown haired boy
Who may be skin and bone
But somehow manages
To carry around the weight of loving me
Every day
And to have my burdens and baggage
On his back
But I'm scared that someday
His strength will fail him
And he'll be crushed
And I'll have been the undoing
Of the one person
I never wanted to see hurt

So much depends upon
The patience of that boy
That boy who is usually go go go
But for some reason slows down
And waits for me to catch up
And can always tell when something's wrong
And always cares
And listens to me complain
But I'm scared that someday
His patience will have run dry
And he'll take off running on his own
Because I held him back

So much depends upon
The blindness of that boy
Who is the smartest person I know
But was stupid enough
To fall in love with me
And I know it's selfish of me
But I wouldn't mind
If his love was unending
But I'm scared that someday
His blindness will dissolve
And he'll realize he deserves better
And the only person holding me together
Will hate me
As much as I hate myself

This is heartbreak, this is that tugging you feel when you hear his name. This is anxiety, this is how you know how real "this" can be. This is the feeling of numbness, this is how you cope. This is how you welcome depression, this is how you never got to tell him you're sorry. This is how you want to crawl into bed and only come out when he says it's okay, that he's there. This is how you fake a smile, and tell everybody it's okay, that he's not feeling pain anymore, when you're still trying to believe it yourself. This is how you tell the voices in your head to shut up, this is how you ask the nurses, "why?"

This is how you teach yourself to let go, this is how you tell yourself he's okay. This is sadness trying to comfort you, telling you about how great of a person he was, but it's sadness, everything about it makes you feel worse. This is that ball of tightness you feel in your throat when your mom hugs you, this is you trying to be strong for everybody. These are your shaking hands holding his favorite shirt, this is the strength he taught you. This is the throbbing in your head, this is how you regret. This is how you tell yourself that's it's okay, this is how you convince yourself that he still loves you, this is how you convince yourself that people aren't so bad. This is how you don't want to look in the mirror, this is how you find the strength to get out of bed. This is how you forget how to sleep, this is how you remember was misery is. This is how you shut people out regardless of how unhealthy it is, this is how you look up to stretch your neck with your eyes closed and take a deep breath.

This is how you miss somebody.