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Erin Preston May 2015
They don’t understand, every time we speak, when they tell me to snap out, it’s all in your head, just be happy, it’s like a punch to my stomach. Let me explain to them, that it’s as if I am drowning and they are standing a matter of feet away yelling at me to just learn how to swim, as if it were easy. Do they even see what is really happening to me?

He tells me about how he feels, that he understands and tries to explain it, thinking he knows me, that he knows even an ounce of the pain I feel or what my life is like. He explains to me what depression is and proceeds to say that it’ll go away. It is as if he is describing the water as I drown in it, sinking to the bottom.

She says she’s just like me, that she knows exactly how I feel, that her life is worse than mine when it’s not. She just wants attention; she wants people to feel bad for her when I am here in actual pain, not pretend, real. She is pretending to drown beside me while holding onto a life preserver and I am attached to an anchor. I feel like my world is shattering and she just wants that boy to give her sympathy and attention.

I don’t understand myself. I don’t understand why I am always sad, why I feel numb, why I can’t get my life together, why I’m not who I used to be, why I am me. I wish I understood why I can’t make phone calls, why people make me nervous, why my anxiety is taking over my life while holding hands with depression who is eating me alive. They are pulling me down into the murky depths, filling my lungs with water, and no help in sight.

Don’t ask me what my problem is, don’t tell me this is normal, don’t say it’ll all go away. Don’t make me leave the house or go out with people, do not tell me I’m a freak. I’m sorry but I can’t explain it and you don’t understand what drowning feels like.
  Mar 2015 Erin Preston
The Duchess
Welcome to our Society,
where the teens are depressed,
and the students are stressed,
where people will give you hate,
on what you wear and what's your weight,
where there's ***, no hugs,
no candy, just drugs,
where we cut for an escape,
and the parents beat and ****,
where laws forbid the gay,
and everything is weary or gray,
so I hope you enjoy your visit with Society,
just try not to get depressed and anxiety.
Welcome to society,
We hope you enjoy your stay,
And please feel free to be yourself,
As long as it's in the right way,
Make sure you love your body,
Not too much or we'll tear you down,
We'll bully you for smiling,
And then wonder why you frown,
We'll tell you that you're worthless,
That you shouldn't make a sound,
And then cry with all the others,
As you're buried in the ground,
You can fall in love with anyone,
As long as it's who we choose,
And we'll let you have your opinions,
But please shape them to our views,
Welcome to society,
We promise that we won't deceive,
And one more rule now that you're here,
There's no way you can leave.

Erin Hanson
  Mar 2015 Erin Preston
Ocean Carter
Staring out in the Ocean,mistaking calm waves for a storm.
Waiting for the next wave the world is going to throw at me. I stay ready.
Its all so mysterious, like the rain when its Sunny.
I have this picture of me on the jetty, it inspired the whole poem. Ocean, Sunny wordplay for me two names.
  Mar 2015 Erin Preston
Bailey Lewis
Don’t be ashamed
Of your scars
Because I have matching ones
  Mar 2015 Erin Preston
can you hear that screaming? its the screaming of a girl who tried to drown her demons, without knowing they could swim. its the screaming of a girl in a crowded room, but nobody can hear her cry for help. its the screaming of a girl who wanted to be pretty so she didnt eat.its the screaming of a girl who's friends didnt notice when her eyes no longer sparkled with life.its the screaming of a girl who could no longer be her mommy's perfect girl or daddy's little angel. its the screaming of a girl who had the cruel words spoken to her carved on her arms and legs. its the screaming that has been silenced with a slash on each wrist and a bottle of pills, and six feet of cold dark dirt.

— The End —