I drink desperately
I take the bottle, the glass
And I pour.... and keep pouring
Because I’m running
I need to get away from myself
I want so far from my head
I drink fast and deep
I want to feel it now
Keep going to feel...
I just want alcohol in my veins
I don’t want to feel anything else
I wanna be dizzy
And just for once
I wanna be happy

I did it again....

You don’t need all those chemicals
You can feel them can’t you?
Heart rate picking up speed
Anxiety growing in your gut
You shouldn’t have done that
You know better
You know this is how you get worse
This is how you get bad
This is where you go wrong
When your hands are shaking
Heart racing
And you start to remember...

I remember....
I used to love this
I love this.

Pour poison into my veins
I wanna watch the ceiling spin
And the ground sway
Just pour... and pour... and pour....
Please.... please don’t stop
I just want more
I need more
Please, just one more time....
Let me lose it

I don’t want this
I don’t want to live
I don’t want to be sober
I don’t want to be clean
I don’t want to be responsible
I don’t want to take care of myself

I want to destroy myself
I want to get out of my head
I want to make the room spin
I want to starve
I want to drown
I want to bleed

I can’t enjoy my life
I can’t live
I can’t even suffer right

At what point do you finally give up?
When can you say you’ve had enough?
When nothing ever goes right,
Why bother to keep going?

Again? Really??
As soon as there’s a glimmer of ******* hope
The universe gives me some reminder
That things can always be worse
That happiness will always be stolen
That solace is fleeting
That comfort will betray me
That I will be wounded
Again and again and again
I will never be given time to heal
Before the next blow lands
My living Hell

Don’t listen to them
Nothing gets better
Life only gets worse
Running from disaster to disaster
Everything is ******* futile
You’ll never get anywhere
And if you do, it’ll be worse than where you began

This is the conspiracy
The world against me.

tw self harm


Blood all over
I’m glad
I’m content
Satisfied
It’s only right when I’m wounded
Relapse was inevitable
I don’t even feel guilty...
I just want more....