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1.5k · Mar 2015
Dear Andrew,
Do you remember
our summers
I replay it in my memory
vividly, you infatuating me
we sat and talked ourselves
into loving one another
on a tree with branches
twisting awkwardly
Somehow
we settled on it comfortably
just the two of us
for the weekend
overlooking the still lake
reflecting our bare feet
the restless clouds
and the warm gold sun
spotting the peaks
of the pine trees
whose scent filled our lungs
the sun would fall to the lake
and I would fall for you again
it happened every time
every tedious summer
every nervous weekend
for four years of our lives

Then just yesterday, years later
you tell me the flowers
we found by the lake
that you gave to me
with a gentle kiss
were poisonous
then I tell you
even if I knew
back then
I'd still
kiss
you

holding those fateful flowers
every summer, all over again
His name is the aftertaste
Of slowly sipped red wine
Trying to forget the feeling
Of being in love and vulnerable
Knowing your heart
Could shatter into a thousand pieces
At the mercy of a few words

His touch is old love renewed
Soft and dangerous
The kind of thrill that makes you nostalgic
A thousand heartbreaks
Dug up and re-brewed

His lips taste as bitter as old love
And as sweet as the memories
That with it came along
And gently they kiss you
like the way he’d hold fragile glass
Determined to not press too firmly
Causing you to shatter in his grasp

He’s the impossible kind of love
That never forgets you
no matter how long
or far
or stubborn
or dumb

He’s the kind of drunk
That’s hangs over the next morning
And pounds at your head
With memories of relentless love
Hoping you’ll find him in your bed
1.0k · Apr 2015
how I felt 6 days ago
It makes me sick to think
that  I am sitting at my desk
with tears welling in my eyes
trying to compose
something beautiful to describe
how you put knots in my stomach
in the worst way.
Thinking to myself,
maybe if I make it sound pretty
something beautiful will come out of this.

But you're just a pretty face
with a jet black heart
and I've been telling myself
for way too long
that playing hard to get
will make you a dependable person
When evidently,
I don't need you to be devoted
I need you to be gone.
I don't feel this anymore and maybe you won't in 6 days too
He begged me to keep him company
but did he really need me?
Or did his gentleman like composure
simply crack under pressure.

The way he held me,
he seemed so strong.
I felt so delicate in that moment
but he crushed me in his arms.

Now I watch him every day
being everything I want
But that's the problem with me
I just ignore every bodies flaws

He took advantage of me
Until I knew something was wrong
He's not lonely anymore
But he was never very strong.
687 · Apr 2015
10w
10w
I write poems about you
Hoping you'll never read them
589 · Apr 2015
Simplicity is Complicated
I wonder why
all the poems I write
Are composed at
the mercy of lovers

And why my lovers
can't be the green grass
that peaks out of
melting snowbanks
in early spring

Or the first sip
of coffee at 8 a.m.
on a mellow Saturday morning
in a cafe next to the lake.

Why do we choose
to rest our weary hearts
on things we can't depend on
When we know that the grass
will appear every spring
and we can sip our coffee
and the sun will rise
and the lake will be full
and so will our hearts

If only we requested
simple things to thrive
We could sip coffee with lovers
Next to the lake
At 8 a.m.
And not feel such pain.
560 · Nov 2015
Good Luck
Maybe you should understand a few things
before you go playing with my heart
I've been through this quite a lot
so maybe it's really not smart.
I wont trust you so easily
in fact I'm already suspicious
and I'm chronically lonely
So don't recklessly steal kisses
I have no more energy left
So please don't play games
I've already been sighing
at the sound of your name
Its too late,
I'm already entangled in your mess
so remember my heart aches,
please do your best.
517 · Apr 2015
Wishful Thinking
I’ve been sitting at the park by the lake watching lovers and lonely people pass by and at coffee shops reading that book you always talk about thinking to myself how often my mind drifts to the days you've made me feel weightless and that all I want to do is tell you how I feel but love these days is twisted and the worst thing you can do is admit that you care more and that really destroys me because I could really care less if I’m the one that fell harder. I would turn my world upside down for a sliver of time by your side. It would be wonderful to be swept off my feet by you even if it knocks me to the ground.
505 · Mar 2015
Burns
I turned you into a flame
hoping you would engulf my pain
but everything you touched turned to ash
flames may burn bright
but they destroy everything in their path
there's some sunshine in the hell fire, however,
your wildfire burned everything in my path
and cleared the way for me to move forward

Thanks for that but I wont look back.
500 · Mar 2015
Love Is Not A Mirror
You are not expendable
just because someone did not cling to you
with crusade like determination.

You are not feeble
because you fell to your knees
when someone kicked you in the shins.

You are not pitiful
because your heart beats with more tenacity
than the ones it beats for.

And your heart
will continue to beat with that same valor
with or without them.

You are made of a billion galaxies.
You fill your lungs with life itself;
And for these reasons, please believe
You are more than the love that you receive

<3
I've been having a tough time lately believing that I have to fix myself just because someone does not love me in the way I desire. I'm learning though that others feelings towards us do not and should not reflect our self worth.
444 · Apr 2015
Atlantic Currents
Push and pull
Like waves crashing against my chest
I crave to be free
But I'm not done with you yet
I feel my body
drifting wildly out to sea
Set to wash up on shore
Of some distant southern beach
But I look back for a second
Start to grab for his hand
And he pulls me down under
Will this be the end?
I long for adventure
or do I want to drown in him
How can you decide
If you're going to sink or swim?
How do you not fall in love even though you know you're leaving for good?
416 · Feb 2015
I won't try to forget you.
Some day, one of us will wake up
and not think about the other.
And although I’d like to say
that I could brush you off
in a matter of days,
I’m afraid I’m becoming too accustomed
to your fingers filling the space between mine.
I don’t like the taste
of air that hasn't filled your lungs.
and every moment apart from you
feels like wasted time.

I may be living in a dream
but its true.
I’d never wake up if I knew
it wouldn't be
to the thought of you.
404 · Feb 2015
Maybe I Can't Leave
Don't you dare
Ask me why I've been distant
Maybe it's because it's been two weeks
Since I've felt your dry nervous hands
Fiddling with mine as if
You were a crack addict
On his last straw from breaking

And maybe it's because you still act
like I'm immovable and tamed
Like I'll come bolting to your feet
at the sound of your name

All this may be true
But you play my like a fool, and I just want to run
But I'm afraid you won't notice
The space I'll leave when I'm gone
387 · Apr 2015
Day&Night
Don't assume I am bitter
Because you have free reign
Over the barren fields
That I once perceived to be fruitful

Don't seem yourself high and mighty
Because I once sighed the life
out of my own breath
into a dead recipient, thinking
that there was hope for rebirth
and you are now exhaling
your dark soul into his
and he reciprocates

When in reality,
death clings to itself.
So I am not mourning
that his sorrow did not cling to my joy
And stain it with death black spots.

Tears do not well in my eyes
because the sun and the moon
are on opposites sides of the earth
and it keeps revolving just the same
378 · Apr 2015
Saltwater
In the springtime
I go outside my house
And breathe in the stale rain
That fell the night before
when I was in bed with you
And it almost feels like I'm in
California by the sea

I can feel the breeze
Cold and haunting me
I wish I could get away to California
By the sea
Where I don't have to fall asleep
next to boys I've known
for far too long
That know how to get what they want
I doubt I'll ever get there
And maybe my front porch step
is as close as I'll get

All I know is that
I love the smell of rain
It helps me forget.
374 · Apr 2015
Growing Old
I watched a woman
get her kids off the bus
This afternoon around 3:30
And I thought about
what kind of woman I was going to be
She looked very dainty and sweet
And I can be bitter sometimes
And I realized I'm deathly afraid
That someday I'll make my kids cry.
This is kinda dark but genuine feelings
294 · Feb 2015
2/5/15
I'll preserve you with paper and ink
just in case we don't survive to see the day
we planned to pick out our kitchen sink..
270 · Apr 2015
The Aftermath
I hate that I can't kiss you
without the aftertaste
of him on my tongue
it reminds me to fear
loving someone too much
because he kissed me back
but he never loved me back

and I want so deeply
for this to be simple
but the last time
I let my guard down
I learned no one will protect you
...that you must do it yourself
90 · Mar 2020
Jigsaw
I thought as I got older- wiser
life would make more sense
and that by now
I would have looked the big picture enough
to start to put the puzzle together.
I imagined myself,
sitting with a pile of edge pieces,
separating the x shapes from the h shapes
putting them in their place.

Yet here I am
finally realizing that
I'm not even working on a puzzle
I just have a bunch of odd shapes in front of me
and they don't have to belong anywhere.

— The End —