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I can't say I don't want a drink when I think of you
because already I am itching for a shot, or two.
I can't hear your name without turning a red hue;
my fists ball in anger with the mentioning, too.

How could you do the things that you did to me?
How could I have let those things come to be?
Now every day I am haunted by your evil memory,
remembering over again, your fists coming at me.

My hands are shaking; I need to take these shots,
tequila to the brain is how I stop the thoughts.
I wish I had done something so you got caught,
but a lack of courage means I never fought.

If I could **** one person in this great big land
and not get in trouble for having had it planned,
without a second thought, you'd be under my hand,
and when I'm done with you, you would not stand.

No one should be allowed to do what you've done,
and laugh about it, like it was the most fun.
You made me scared, so all I did eventually, was run,
which leaves you out there, free, so basically, you won.

I am empathetic beyond reason, because I felt for you,
understanding rage was a disease that controlled you.
I wanted to help, to save and redeem your soul, too,
but you aren't just sick with rage, you enjoy it; it's true.

I may have ****** up and not reported your ***,
and drive myself to drink to forget this past,
but let it be known, I'm normally as still as glass,
but if I ever see you again, that moment will be your last.
Copyright Sarah Gammon 2015
I only ever seem to have flirtationships.
Never relationships.
I feel that's what tires me most.
The thought of something being wrong with me runs its course-
over and over.
It's no question that you can tell when I like someone.
Body language is readable and I can't seem to change it.
A smile is usually constant.
My laugh is often.
My face usually reddens and I feel warm.
I am obviously aware of their presence.
A casually awkward conversation turns flirty
and ****** references
begin to enter everyday conversation.
Everything's going great.
Then fate takes it toll.
They decide to drop me,
or we slowly die out
and grow apart.
My heart breaks
due to the attachment that grew
because I saw distance in our flirting-
while they must've seen a sentence affair.
it's me
it's always me.

Yet, I can never figure out what is quite wrong with me
and no cares to tell me.
Someone new comes along and the cycle begins over again
and there's nothing I can do to help it.
I always have flirtationships,
Never relationships.
I had lots and lots of naps. What did you people do?
because naps.
So what did you single people do on VDay?
aka Make-all-the-single-people-feel-bad-about-themselves-Day.
I feel like you're slipping through my open fingers, our relationship falling like a handful of sand and no matter how fast or hard I clench my fist you find the little cracks to fall through

They say that when kids reach late teens, they fight, and grow distant, they grow to resent their parents and relationships fail, but I feel like I'm something new, our relationship isn't disappearing, you aren't fading into the distance, instead you are transforming into something new and I'm no longer your little girl.

Early today we went to the mall, and as we sat and ate lunch you said the strangest thing. You started talking about your job and about your feelings, treating me like an adult at last. The way I had always wanted you to talk to me my whole life. Like I was a friend and you could confide in me, because I still can't talk to you about the devastation I've encountered, but you finally understand that though I am still small my eyes hold wisdom and the gibberish you think I hear, comes like a melody in comprehensible packages. The codes you have come untangled to my ears, because I too have experienced your codes.

As a little girl I waited begging into my pillow that you would treat me this way, that you would talk to me like a friend. But the other day you did, and something was missing. I missed the way that you used to talk to me with your eyes shining carefully watching your words. The way that you would censer your topics as if I didn't understand the truth.

And now that you do this, that you talk to me like a new found friend you met at work, I miss being your little girl. I see the shinning eyes as your talk to my younger brother, and I miss the days you looked at me with that little kid look. Because now you see me with eyes of an equal, because I'm not your little girl anymore, because our mother daughter relationship has slipped through my fingers and the love you showed like chocolate kissing placed on the pillow of your every action, have been given to another and now my mother is slipping away.
Depression is a feeling
an emptiness
a loneliness
an extreme sadness

It is an emotion
filled with dread
a sense of living dead
not an illness in your head

When a child comes home crying
sad eyes with tears
do you offer them pills and cures
teaching them that sadness is a mental disability?

No, you welcome them
you wipe away the tears
and wrap them in a warm hug
telling them to let it out
that its okay to cry

Why must we treat depression so different
Depression is a feeling
a thousand times more intense than sadness
so we need the cure a thousand times over

People need hope and happiness
hugs and warm kisses
jokes and support
family and friends

We need to stop theaching people
that it is wrong to feel
that emotions that strong are frowned upon
something you must drown
in drugs and supperess to be
accepted by society

because depression is not a mental illness
depression is a feeling
an emotion
that needs human support and happiness
not synthetic chemicals
and the segregation
that comes with being "disabled"

when someone is happy, we see them as happy
as laugh and smile along
when someone is sad we see them as sad
and try to cheer them up
when someone is depressed
we cast them aside, title them as broken
ask them to take pills to be happy
and lose the reminder of what really matters
throwing the people
further into societies forbidden emotion
0:00
I fly through the front doors
racing upstairs like hunted prey
praying she didn't see me

1:00
I tear open the make remover
and feverishly rip off
the overpowering
jet black eyeliner

2:00
I steal a glance in the bedroom mirror
and throw on a hoodie over my black shirt
quickly swapping out the black pants for jeans
in a crude attempt to look normal

3:00
I hear her steps ringing off the stairs as my heart beats
sounding together like a drum kit
I pull off my spiked black bracelets
and trinkets
hands shaking palms sweating
as I hide them away

4:00
I feel the door opening before it does and
hope i covered up the look, the spikes hidden
the eyeliner gone
i glance in the mirror and see a pale
empty girl looking back
terrified of being caught

5:00
she asks how my day was while casually looking around the room
her ever seeing eyes falling on my undoing
my small black spiked gothic bracelet
hanging off the desk
sticking out like a sore thumb

6:00
she asks what it is
and looks at me questioningly
talking about how she deposes the style
hates the look
as I fumble for an excuse
of the unusual possession

7:00
I lie, its easy now i do it all the time.
But this was different. I tell her
that its a stupid birthday gift
a throwaway I keep because
friends like to see me wear what they bought
but as I utter the words
I feel like Im stabbing my soul
twisting a knife
calling a part of my identity garbage
telling myself that part of myself is simply a throw away
and despite the fact that I use a fake knife
The sting still feels real
because I know that part of what I say is true
I feel like an old worn toy
Destroyed beyond repair
Yet a father tried for his boy
To piece me back tare by tare

How ever, they threw away
One vital piece of the construction.
Instructions they wouldn't use today
Turning my rebuilding into gentle destruction

He pieced me back as best he could
The ourside looks the same
But now I'm made of hollow wood
Missing pieces that never came

I'm not broken or in pain
I'm having a lack of feeling
Like a hollow toy on a chain
Dangling empty from the ceiling

They put me together made me whole
Yet something's different after all
He must have missed a ***** or hole
When they fixed me from the fall
A fire is burning
Deep inside
One to set me a blaze
That you fuel with hate

It's tounges of heat
Only add strenghth to my frozen heart
It's firey passion
Ready to shoot you will a storm
Of icicles

I have cried my frozen tears over you
And felt my blood boil in pain
But now that pain becomes a gate
To freedom

Too long have you governed over me
Too long have to called me ugly and fat
Too long have you laughed at my ideas
Too long have you talked behind my back

Though I can not leave in form
For now I'm gone in spirit
Smiling in front of you, laughing at your jokes

While my fire sparks inside
And my heart cools with malice
No longer will I feel you shots
Because if you shoot at an inferno
The bullets are lost in the blaze
My heart explodes
My soul it bleeds
Tears of blood
Streaming endlessly

The numbness spreads
The world so cold
The walls they close
Around this hell
Trapping me in
Its cruel embrace

The sun won't shine
The flowers won't bloom
The life that was
Now cold and bleak

The path behind
A chasm so vast
No turning back
Those dreams now lost

The path before
No escape I see
From this fate I chose
That smothers me

I fight, I scream
I fall, I cry
No words can heal
No compassion just

I fight to live
I refuse to die
But come what may
Come what might
My soul still bleeds
My soul still wilts
Killing me slowly
From deep within

Until some day
My hopes fulfilled
To see the sun return
and my soul revived
The tears will cease
And my soul will shine
If only that day
Would Be here now
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