The stars are falling off my ceiling.

I'm paying bills,
Buying college books,
Saving for a car,

And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

My calendar is full
Marked with appointments
And work hours

And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

My friends are getting married,
Having children,
And buying houses,

And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

Like the child
In my heart
Is emaciating,

I'm twenty years old,
And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

stars silently
    enveloped
     turbulent seas,
gingerly dappling
   each current,
whence the tides
   were stilled
'til they ebbed
    'tween streams
        of serene
            spring waters,
      rushing its
          banks in
             cascades of
                tranquil
                     awed hushes
                         overflowing
                                midst
                                   surrender's
                                                   quietude

Leave it alone
I've done all I can and now it's time to go
Perhaps I'll drive home
This bottle once spoke now it screams through my throat

And I swear to you I feel alive
As I swerve from lane to lane, from left to right
Don't try to stop me now; I can feel again
But I promise I'll still crash the ******* car just the same.

I swear to you, I felt alive.
But maybe I didn't want to be.

Two-faced.
The emptiness pockets up my chest
Like a night thief
I've grown accustomed but weary
Candor-laced, the confidante
As time flapped its wings
I shrank in prison
The little wardens beside me
Kept me back with whispers
To the cell that has been
Licked clean with blood and tears
I am afraid of something
I cannot even name
Sleeping like doom in a crib of calm
I am afraid of two faces
Taking turns on the stage
Of my reeling
I am afraid.

Take All of me, keep less of you.
Tried to trace your shadow with my worn out shoe.
Tried to see things through your eyes, what an empty view.
The very darkness of others’ shadows, yours, an outline was never in view.

Just when I want you in my life.
You hug me tightly and stab me with a rusty envelope knife.
Asked you to tell me if you want me in your life,
Guess this bleeding is a tale for the gathering at after-life.

Surrendered All of me and you still didn’t come through.
Now all of me think less of you.
Now all of me crave even less of you
Still funny that all of me should love you.