I only have 5 minutes
To spare this poetry
Here it goes:

5.
I do not wish to be seen
Said the old man in me
So leave me alone
Cause I don't want to be

4.
For I've been running away
This is what I hate
And I envy everyone else
Who are not in the same fate.

3.
What have I become?
Where will I go?
The questions are left unanswered
And I've searched high and low.

2.
To be strong once more
In my world full of doubt
To be strong while I lose
In my latest bout.

1.
I wish I had more time
Just like before
I only have 5 minutes
And I wish I had more.

what really is the true meaning of life and why do we insist on living it?


questions infiltrate my mind
Intellect takes its prioritising position in my brain
yearning for answers, for the journey to that end
that end that so many of us have seen
where the protagonist in the movie reaches his or her epitome
to their motivation/philosophy in life to keep going

some have reached that peak, others struggle to keep afloat
for me i constantly imagine that movie-like moment to appear
somewhere, in my life.

yet i think that singular moment can transcribe into different variations
rippling with changes in its pool
with each decision as my stone skips across the ocean
tearing more and more waves
overlapping ripples with more complications and confusion

the journey is a long one and it may not be easy
but i intend to enjoy every step
learning, mourning, smiling, crying
vying for the end that dreads so near but out of reach

Columns drafted in pearl and eggshell,
Green vineyard draped over each one
Cautiously, meticulously decorated
By the dancing trees grown so tall above

Pure, clear water spurted out
Rivulets across Athena's strands of hair
Into her ivory *** she bears
The goddess smiles as the stream flows

Out the ***, it gushes through,
Towards a gentle pond
Becomes a lake
Then an ocean

Vast beyond imagination,
Where the goddess drinks
From her honey-gold chalice
Cupped neatly in her hands

Trickling down her chin
She gazes upon the reflection of a hundred souls
Dancing and prancing inside the water
Bumbling happiness and eternal bliss

A cascade of flowers bloom as the sun rises,
She waves her hand over the water
Glancing down, she whispers so dearly:
"Be patient, my child. All will come to you."

I pray this is the dream of the hundred souls
I pray this is my Utopia in White.

Drugs can be seen as happiness,
Happiness can be seen as drugs.
If happiness was a drug, I'd take it.
I can see the liquid filled in the needle
Shot through my veins, the world lights up
Bright and shiny, gleaming with hope
Finding the right phrases to decorate my smile
The people smile back, they wave, they laugh
They find spouses and friends, hugs and warmth
There's no more demons, no more darkness.

But this doesn't last long, you can see,
The pupil shrinks and the shine is gone
Laughs become groans; hugs become pushes
Away people go, backed to their corners
Finding for a dealer, another shot in the arm
To rid of the grasping dark entity holding them back
So many of them, tethered to a needle
Dying to be happy, to be safe and sound.

But Happiness is a drug, and it will always ward off
As you do it more and more, it's effect gets shorter and shorter,
It's always temporary, and you're always addicted.

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

Days over nights
cries and no fights
i recalled the first time it happened
tears slid down my puffed face,
unfolding my dented moments
in my mental head.

Confused, this feeling so familiar
why do i cry with no purpose
each tear propelling itself into my hands
already knowing when it'll wet my sweating palms
consistently surprising myself with agony
inflicted out of space and time, dwelling
surly in the darkness until it jumps on me

What's wrong with me?
why do i feel this way
why do i cause people pain by this
further causing more pain on myself
why can't i voice anything out
when the one voice in my head speaks so abruptly
directing all its statements towards me

Can't focus, what's wrong?
can't think, what's wrong?
can't feel happiness
can't feel genuine happiness
can't imagine it can last longer than just a few days
before this pain creeps and lodges onto my back again
tearing me down all over

What's wrong?