Step 1. Delete everything. Delete her photos of her laughing, the picture of both of your shoes during a summer day you took after going to the book fair with her, the conversation you screenshotted of her saying "we are soulmates". It's too painful for you to bear now, you don't need a physical reminder of the void she left.

Step 2. Stay on routine. Wake up, get dressed, go to school, go to work, study, sleep. Be tired. Let your body ache as you lie down the cold mattress where the winter winds outside your window lulls you to sleep. Overthinking is your enemy.

Step 3. Write a letter for her. Tell her everything you wanted to say. How your heart broke a million pieces when she sent you her last text. How you thought she was going to be with you forever. Talk about the would've-been future you were going to have, the two cats you were supposed to raise, and the places you were supposed to see together. But don't ever send it.

Step 4.  Don't go back to the day when it ended. December 6, 2018 at approximately 9:38 p.m. You were standing in the rain, she tells you "I don't feel good." and walks away, leaving you to stand there alone. It's the day where you finally see the cracks, but realized it's too late to fix a week later when she finally messages you.

Step 5. Stumble upon a TED Talk about getting over a heartbreak, you cry for 12 minutes straight watching it. You do what the speaker tells you because you feel lost. He said to write down a list of why this person is unfit for you, and you finally realized that love has made you look at her through cloudy filtered lens.

Step 6. Don't open her friend's snapchat stories and see her there, smiling, and having fun. Don't wonder if her heart is as broken as yours.

Step 7. Fail. Miserably. But get up anyway, because only time can tell.

Step 8. Get out of your comfort zone. Reach out to people, start conversations. Go to the places you planned to see with her, and see those places by yourself or maybe with other people.

Step 9. Find new hobbies, and go out on your own. Make new memories with other people and enjoy your own company.

Step 10. Know that 7 years is a long time to spend with someone, so it will take some time. But one day you will wake up and you won't even notice the void she has left.

I used to be so caught up with the thought that
my worthiness is measured by how many people love me, or think i'm pretty.
Maybe that's why I try to make them fall in love with me and make them feel vulnerable.
I love having that power over someone because the more they tell me they love me,
the more drunk I get with the feeling of being worthy.
But no matter how much I get high with their love,
it does not fill the gaping void in my heart and soul.
I think that's why no matter how many I love you's roll out my tongue, it does not feel as real to me at the end.
But I've come to realization that it's okay if nobody loves me, or maybe nobody will ever love me.
Maybe that's not the point.
**Maybe it's not about being loved by somebody else.

After two months of silence,
your name appears on my phone
quite randomly,
which is funny because a minute before that,
I decided to let go a small(huge) part of me who is still hoping.

It seems like you wanted to pick up where we left off,
but I burned that bridge a long time ago,
because I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't run back to you
the moment I said goodbye.