just in case
you’re in a dark place
and can’t seem
to find a light switch
or matches even
I want you to know
you are loved
maybe not by yourself
yet
but you are
even though it sounds
like a fairytale for now
at some point
you’ll find the light switch
or the matches
and you’ll be able to see
that the fairytale
came true
and you’re the one
that made it happen

so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.

I Have Loved
All the same and very different, I have loved.

Cocoa crescendo falling in curls. yellow hibiscus. Her face inspiring Gaia.  I grazed across far-reaching hips and dreamt them, as wide and beautiful her heart I broke.
I have loved ruthlessly.

Clammy, moist, latte flesh juxtaposed with misplaced contention, clutching his phone, clutching his fist in my belly, in my hand.
I have loved painfully.

Keen wit, quiet lips, silk and skin and video games. 20 minute car rides. A tongue across my spine, laughter, distance of his heart.
I have loved haphazardly.

Three hundred faces, unspoken sentiment, inactive resonance, a child, a man, a mother, a friend.
I love quietly.

All the same and very different, I have loved.

Will I again?