I am still not over you
but I can clearly see that you have moved on
that's fine by me
But now that I've gotten a closer look at her
I can still tell your not over me
I know you still think of me
I know you still want me there
You ask her to curl her hair?
You make her trade her sneakers for stilettos?
You put her on diet of wheatgrass, almonds, and carrot juice?
You lovingly put on skin brightening cream on her?
You push her to dees to get her eye brows and nails done?
You teach her how to curtsy?
speak in 7 languages?
hold down her liquor like a lady?
Mingle with people old enough to be her daddy?
Well
She hates you
hates your guts
hates how you mention my name when your ready to come
how you wish she was me
to ****** you
ravish you
drown you in love

I can't do this anymore.
Stepping closer
And
Getting pulled closer,
And then getting pushed away
Or
Having to step away.
I can't do that.
And please...
Don't force me to do that.
My whole life is made out of
Ice
And if
I have to step away,
I'll break,
Crushed under the ice cold of
My imploding desire and pain
For you.

I can only deal with so much
At once.
I didn't even learn how to
Piece myself together the last time.
I'm frozen all over
And I am depending on your warmth,
So please,
Don't break me
While I stand close by...
I don't want to step away.

Have you ever fallen into the world behind your eyes?
Tis a world beyond description, of concept and timeless colour, pure sensation.
Have you ever loved the world behind the sky?
Loved the ideas, not the people, not the grass, but the sound of green on green.
Have you ever dined in a maze of countless lies?
Seen the beauty in the words, danced in meadows made of her...
Have you ever sat and watched the darkness; the twilight, mirrored starlight?
I have and it burned quietly; quietly and softly.

The sea is still today
It's cerulean blue and gold
I think of the thoughts it carries
Within its hidden folds.
Its touch is soft and gentle
It soothes the ache of years
But I wonder how many waves
Are made from fallen tears.

this isn’t going to make sense
cause it’s not supposed to
and if I’m being honest
this isn’t for you
it’s not even for me

I’m stuck
I’m trapped
I’m lost
I’m every other word that describes people who feel at a dead end

I’m typing on a ****** phone
That’s connected to a ****** connection
That could possibly be a metaphor for my life

I’m writing
Because I don’t know what else to do

I’m writing
Cause that’s what they told me to do

But they also told me that what I think isn’t always true
That I’m special and I just don’t see it

But that’s the thing
I don’t see it

And if I don’t see it then why should it matter if anyone else does

And if I’m thinking something why should it matter if it’s true

What matters is that it’s in my head
What matters is that it’s always there

But here I am
Stuck in the same place
Back to square one
No progress made
The same questions, whether true or not

Will I amount to anything?
Do I really help?
Am I really worthwhile?
Do you actually care?

I see these people
When I’m online
They smile and post
They edit and pose

I can’t help but wonder

Do you really smile, or do you just do it to look happy like me?
Do you really feel happy, or are you trying to lie like me?
Do you understand what I feel?

Or is it just me?

I’m not trying to be selfish
I don’t want a lot
I just want to be happy
And I want others to be happy with me
But neither is happening

So instead there’s a poem
That doesn’t even ryhme
That makes no sense
  I’ll try harder