you stole my light
when i told you to stop
and you ignored my red light
and kept going
like my body was undiscovered land
and you were a colonizer.
perhaps my asking you to stop
turned you on
made you hungry.
you looked at me with your hungry eyes
like i was fresh meat
for you to take and have for yourself
ignoring my stop signs
cries
screams
because i am nothing more
than an object to you
made for your manipulation and pleasures.

You're like a shadow,
you stayed during our brightest times
and left during the darkest ones.
You didn't leave with a warning,
whoosh!
and you were gone.
You acted like we never happened.
Like you didn't even know who I was.
You threw me away
and stomped on the heart I gave you.
You were my world,
but I was just a cover up for her..
the girl across the room.
You laughed at my tears.
What happened to the person
I fell in love with?

Look at her.
The girl over there; she's happy, right?
Always laughing and always smiling.
She's like a little ray of light.
You've never thought to ask her,
"Are you feeling okay?"
because she seems like
she's happy everyday.
But little do you know,
everyday, she comes home
to an empty house.
Because it's empty,
it's her free time to just cry and shout.
Shout at the walls
for keeping in the sound of her cries.
She looks forward to the day
her body becomes limp and dies.
At night, she eats her homemade meal.
Then goes upstairs and turns the shower handle,
life no longer seems real.
She stands and silently cries,
her tears look identical to the water.
That way, her parents never worry
about their daughter.
She cries herself to sleep,
then goes back to school each day.
She walks through the doors,
glances at her peers.
"Goodmorning," you'll hear her say.
She says it with a smile on her face.
A smile you'd never second guess.
A smile you'd never think
is any different from the rest.

i have no sanity anymore.
none.
instead, I'm fighting a civil war.
it can't be won.
i can't seem to vent to you.
why should i come to anyone?
why would i come to anyone..
if instead i can just take out my knife..
i hope and pray that maybe someday
my name will no longer mean life.
staying alive is harder than ever now.
oh, i would definitely go to you..
if i knew how.
so instead i just sit here,
waiting on the day..
the day that i'll come to you
with knowledge of the right words to say.

you say she's just a friend
but "just a friend" wouldn't visit you at work on your first day.
"just a friend" doesn't lay in your lap
while you play with her hair.
"just a friend" doesn't flirt with you.
"just a friend" wouldn't make me want to see myself bleed.
"just a friend" would be just a friend.

have you ever considered
how your words make me feel?
often times,
i have late night cries.
and your words feel so real.
dry eyes
after bad times.
don't ever even take a moment to consider
that your words hurt me so bad.
you're killing someone's sister.
don't you dare tell me,
"my words were just a joke."
when your words make certain people
want to cry and choke.
so don't tell me I'm crying for no reason.

it's 2:36 a.m.
and falling asleep is no longer an option for me.
how am i supposed to fall asleep when everytime i close my eyes,
you're all i can see?
i'm okay with this, though.
this way, my thoughts are full of you.
but every second of the way,
missing you is all i can do.
i hate that you're asleep now.
because it means i can't hear your voice,
only the replay of yesterday in my head.
but i'd prefer for you to be in my bed right now,
i'll be ontop of you instead.
promise me that you'll never forget me,
nor dare to let me go.
for holding you and kissing you
is all that i'll ever know.

your hair,
i love running my hands through it
while you hold me.
your skin,
so soft to the touch.
your eyes,
i get lost in them everytime you look my way.
your smile,
i could see everyday for hours.
your laugh,
it's my favorite song.
you,
the one i love.

i apologize to everyone
that i am leaving behind.
it was never your fault,
you've been nothing but kind.
i promise that i love you
and i always will
but sometimes, late at night
i wish time would stand still
so i'm stopping my own clock
don't worry, you'll be okay
we'll see each other soon
you'll be in my arms again one day
i'm sorry i had to leave you
but please don't miss me
i'll still be there by your side
don't cry, baby, you'll see

your kisses, gentle or messy, have the ability
to make me happy for an entire week.
your touch, soft or grip, has the ability
to strip the breath from my body
distract me from life.
your smile has the ability
to free my thoughts of sadness.
your laugh has the ability
to force my mouth into a smile.
i wish i could lay with you
until my lungs lack oxygen
until my heart can no longer beat
until my lips can no longer meet yours
until my body can no longer wrap around yours
until you no longer long my love for you

Tonight, I see a fire
burning in the sky.
Pour some water on it,
let it cry.
Complain, just complain;
complain when she cries.
yet complain again when she doesn’t,
and your dear garden dies.
They want her to cry,
not too little or too much.
They want her to cry,
but only just enough.
Quite often,
you long for her tears,
ignoring the pain she’s felt
for a countless amount of years.

at night i am the side of me
the side of me that they don't see.
the side of me that's broken as can be.
at night, i see the shadow
the shadow of a scary tree.
now all that scares me are my thoughts
thoughts **** worse than humans do.
depression is caused by just a few.
just a few
thoughts
fights
people
nights
knifes.
look in her eyes.
she's dying inside.

poor mother nature.
she's so mistreated.
humans just mistreat her
until she is defeated.
whenever she cries,
the children play in her tears.
her sadness has covered the skies
for many many years.
whenever she cries,
the adults complain of being bored.
bored because their wish
is to destroy her even more.
you don't typically think
of the weather this way.
hopefully you'll understand
and be gentle one day.

i am so exhausted
of this fight with my head
it could be time
to lay down and rest instead

please don't miss me when i go
you'll see me again one day
but i wish to be cold like snow

i promise you'll be okay
it's time for me to leave
but when you find me
don't roll up my sleeve

my apologies
for leaving you this way
but don't worry
you'll forget about me
as you go on with your days

"get over it," they say.
"you're full of it," they say.
"being happy is a choice."
we can only wish it were that way.
we cry each and everyday,
you're just never there to see.
you said you'd always be here,
that's just how it used to be.
you made her biggest nightmare come true,
and it was losing you.

your love
is my life support
please don’t pull the plug

your touch
is like a blanket
it’s cold, please don’t take it off

your kiss is essential
don’t you see i’m craving you?

you’re a master piece
a work of art
i could stare and admire all day

the way your beautiful
brown body
curves
and your black wavy hair
falls upon your shoulders
and glistens in the moonlight
while your skin
glows with every step you take

i admire you as if
you were created by
vincent van gogh

i wonder what you think of me

sadness is one of my closest friends
she's never left my side
not once
she has been there for me
stayed by my side
when no one else would
when all of my "friends" disappeared
she comforted me
and told me she'd never leave
sometimes i get tired of her
and tell her to leave
but she knows that sometimes
she is all i have
and that she must stay to keep me company
when no one else will
sadness is my only true friend
she has never left me and never will
and on days where she, too, disappears
she always comes back to me
stronger than before

you violated me
like my not consenting to you
made you want to explore my body more.

why is it
that when i pushed your hand away
you thought it was an invitation
to go further?

you cannot water their garden
for you have your own to care for.
there are far too many flowers
and not enough water
between the two
for you to water both.
you must
keep your own garden
alive
and allow the other person
to fetch their own water
and provide for their garden
for if you attempt
to water both
both gardens will suffer.

for me
home is not a building
constructed of wood
and filled with furniture.
it is not a dwelling
where family members gather
once their days have ended.
my home is my safe place
where i can let myself breathe
after a long day
of holding in my breaths.
my home is the place i go
when i feel unsafe
because "it" happened again.
my home is the only place
i truly feel warmth
for it is the only place it is provided.
my home is the place i am at peace
for my mind talks too much
anywhere else.
my home is the place
i can rest
and trust will provide me protection.
for me
home is not a building
constructed of wood
and filled with furniture.
my home is you.