Why are you so sordid?
I have been laying here,
All night, every night
Loving you,
Touching you,
But you do not reciprocate,
Why are you so sordid?
You grace my tv screen,
Laptop screen,
Phone screen,
You smile and you flirt,
You just make me love you more,
Why are you so sordid?
I lie awake, my hands in your hair,
My lips on your lips,
We meet, in perfect uniformity.
Yes...I thought of it all.
How perfect we would be,
If only you knew me, actor.
You just have me going round and round.
Flirting with me as you do in your movies,
Teasing me, I know its just a movie, just acting,
But surely you must know me,
You act for me!
You provoke this feeling in me,
How cruel of you, to tease an innocent girl like this,
Why are you so sordid?
I feel you so close, yet we've never met,
We are strangers, but in my nightmares we are the greatest lovers.

I am sitting here, the sun spilling through the window, blinding me.
My back pressed to the couch,
My neck twisted in pain, staring at the rows of books
Pilled high on one another
Feeling sober.
My eyes quickly roam the books,
taking in the authors' names  
I eagerly search the name
Impatiently anticipating it
Four times I come across it,
Micheal, Michael, Michael, Michael!
My eyes brimming with tears that spill each time.
What's in a name? As Shakespeare's Juliet explained:
If a rose should be called another name, would it not smell just as sweet?
If you were called any other name Michael, I guess I'll be just as bitter over you.

I am strong. I am not resilient.  Whatever i do, whatever i endure and suffer, chips away at me little by little,
       I never come out of an experience the same way i went in.
       In the love, hate, lust, hurt, worry, helplessness, hopelessness and pain,
      I feel weak,
I am never the same, it all takes a piece of me.
       People think i am weak, because i let them take me away,
      I let the experience eat me away.
But they are wrong.
      In all of it, I am still alive, I keep fighting, I go under and up, in and out,
      No matter what happens and where it takes me, I never give up.
      I guess that's where my strength lies: in my stubbornness.
      I may not be the same person I was
yesterday,
       And today I am in pain,
       I won't let up on the dreams of tomorrow.

God, i do not know him
But i want him
And waiting for him just makes
Everything else so tedious
So slow and it feels as though
Am waiting for my life to start.
I am afraid,
Frankly am frightened,
Of this bottomless hole
Inside of me,
This longing for someone that i do not know
It is a maleficent ordeal
This feeling i feel
I am choked up with feelings
A lot of loving to give,
But i do not want to give it to the people around
Just him, the actor on my tv screen
How i wish i could graze his face,
With my fingers,
Press my lips to his,
Feel his warmth and sooth him,
How can i love you so much when we've never met?
Why do you do me like this?
My heart betraying me,
Such pain i feel, it is oh so maleficent.