Do I finally trust myself enough to be happy again?
Why have I allowed this inner critic to roam free?
How do I argue with the walls it built from solitude?
What made me choose guaranteed misery over the risk of being hurt?

Now I see its need to protect me.
Give it a seat at the table, listen, it's losing influence.
Numbness, the friend that always shows up.
Yes. Risk being seen, I'm done hiding.

Drinking delectable daylight of our dreaming days,
Daft and dandy, dizzily darting in delusion,
Dabbling in daffodils, dandelions and daisies,
Doped-up ditzy, dilly-dallying in distortion,
Drifting delightful in daydreams of dragons dancing,
Desires dreamed-up, duly delivered,
Designer’s defined deed decreed,
Duty distinguished - Dashed and desisted!
****** and defiled!
Drunkenly dackeringly, deviously defyingly,
The Doting damsel disobeyed!
Darkly devouring devilish devices discovered dangling.
Deliciousness decayed.
Discharging dismally dismantling The Divine Delusion,
Drooping, dripping, dropping in deepening descension
Divinity despoiled by demonic dissension,
Decapitated demons dressed in damnation,
Denounce defamation, detest destitution,
Demanding the dawn with deathless devotion,
Deft daring darkness, distressed desolation,
Dreamless dejection dragging delirium.

Is Death the depth of dreaming?
Dwell dwindlingly, and disappear?
Drawn down darker…destined to drown, or
Drop into dreams deeper than death?

Stepping
In and out
Of what's real

Dream state
Déjà vu
And repetition

And it feels like
I could predict the very near
future if I could focus
Yes, that's what I would have said!
But I was slow

Fading
Tenderly
Leaving traces

Ghostly
Echoing
Tails of mermaids

And it seems their song broke my mind
And I have swum here only to find
That they wanted to drown me

And eat my heart

to my summer breeze
heavy rain and quiet night —
lie down next to me

don't give me the faint
glow of a distant star — bring
out your raging sun

December's twilight, soft and gray
Twinkling lights, a festive sway
Christmas magic, all around
Yet, melancholy's gentle sound

Memories of laughter, young and free
Children's wonder, eyes aglow with glee
Reflecting on the tree's shining *****
A bittersweet reminder of life's fragile walls

Eleven winters past, a loss so true
My father's absence, felt anew
December's joy, now tinged with pain
A heart remembering love, and love in vain

In this season of sparkle and light
I search for wonder, a fleeting sight
A glimpse of childhood's untainted delight
A respite from sorrow, on this winter's night

My heart finds solace in the love that remains
Among the bittersweet feeling it still conveys
The softness of the season's lights eases the pain
Amid the merriment of others in these Christmas days.

what do they write for me?
in the sky?
what do they have for me?
in their eyes?
where do i belong?
far by the gods and galaxies,
do i belong?
will i ?