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I have never taken a blade to my wrist
These thoughts cut me deeper than any knife
Lately I can’t shake this feeling that I’ll never get anything right
So what is the point when you don’t believe in yourself?
If you can’t, how can anyone else?
I've been staring at the same walls for three years
I can’t seem to overcome this fear
That my best is not good enough
Can you be too ***** to love?
When others shine so bright
How could anyone choose my light?
Happiness comes but it always leaves so soon
I’d rather stay in
Lock myself in this room
Stare at the ceiling
And think of you
You’re so ******* good and I want to be good too
But I am just a cliché
With too many flaws
You deserve porcelain skin and delicate jaws
So should I push away or fade away
Blend into shades of black and grey
Slow down time
Slip from my mind
Yet always you remain
Even when the last wisp of smoke escapes my lungs
I can still taste your name on my tongue
once
we were young
at this
machine. . .
drinking
smoking
typing
it was a most
splendid
miraculous
time
still
is
only now
instead of
moving toward
time
it
moves toward
us
makes each word
drill
into the
paper
clear
fast
hard
feeding a
closing
space.
 May 2014 authentic
Dahl
You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her;
The sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery,
The delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five,
The selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another,
The scent of new books in the store,
The surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.

You must remember when she forgets.
You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you;
Your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality,
Your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly,
Your mindless humming when it is too quiet,
Your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper,
Your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite,
And more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.

She remembers when you forget.
You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the beauty that she is.
When you make her feel that she is replaceable.
She wants to feel cherished.
When you make her feel that you are fleeting.
She wants you to stay.
When you make her feel inadequate.
She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.

You must learn her.
You must know the reason why she is silent.
You must trace her weakest spots.
You must write to her.
You must remind her that you are there.
You must know how long it takes for her to give up.
You must be there to hold her when she is about to.
You must love her because many have tried and failed.
And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.

And, this is how you keep her.
 May 2014 authentic
purple orchid
Blood shot eyes,
drunk with regrets infused
with cheap beer,
Laughing at our own stupidity
As we fall, stumble
and pick each other up,
only to wobble again
We'll blissfully endure the
nausea
and throbbing headaches cause we've been through
much much worse,
Together.

Knowing us,
we'll probably end up on
some rooftop at 3 in the
morn,
In a drunken haze
counting the stars one by one,
confessing our well-kept
secrets,
and vomiting all the bile that
life fed us

Sure with heads spinning,
and the blurry vision
accompanied by endless
'little room' visits
we'll say
'Never again',
Only to turn it around with
another round

When misery finds us,
Don't fret
I'll hold the cracked mirror
to your face, you do the same
And we'll find humor in our imperfections
And there, we'll dance to our temporary happiness

When they dare tell us
'You're too young to be empty',
We'll look at them
Look at us
And burst into laughter
I'll be here,
through drunken nights
and sober days,
Always.
And finally
After time seemed
suspended,
We looked into each other’s
Longing
Lusting
Eyes and leaned in,
Tentative
Tantalizing
Taking sharp breaths.

Every time skin
skimmed skin,
a sizzling segment
was breed from
blazing bodies.

Each exhale
Was inhaled
By the other
And turned into steam

With every kiss,
Blood vessels boiled, burst
Burning a trail
Made of ice and fire

Hands shook
Fingers trembled
Bodies meshed
Heads thrown
Eyes closed

Slowly.

Softly.

Panting
Pleasing
Pleasuring
Playing

We were just toys
And we liked it that way.
 Apr 2014 authentic
Molly
Unsinkable
 Apr 2014 authentic
Molly
I remember when I was
thirteen and my aunt asked
if I had ever had my heart broken.

With the same tone of voice
I would have used if she had
told me to be safe on
my walk to school,

I said
my heart is indestructible.

Now I am afraid for my
life because they thought the
Titanic was unsinkable so
they drove it head on into
an iceberg and as the ship's
soundness was compromised
a number of the passengers were
so drunk that they decided
to stay on board.

I can only hope that when
I see an iceberg in my path I
will not let my hubris convince me
that I can handle it,

I can only hope that if
my heart begins to sink
I will not be so intoxicated with
my feeling of invincibility that
I do not try to save myself,

I can only hope that
when my ship goes down
I will not have made myself
so isolated that
there are no rescue missions
willing to find me.
 Apr 2014 authentic
peurdelavie
I AM SO ANGRY
WITH YOU
AND WITH ME
AND IT FEELS ALMOST AS THOUGH
YOU LEFT YOUR HANDS
IN MY CHEST WHEN YOU
REACHED IN
TO STEAL MY HEART
AND NOW THEY'RE ACHING
TO BE FREED
AND I CAN FEEL THEM CLAWING
INSIDE OF ME
AND I CAN FEEL THEM
REACHING UP MY THROAT
SUFFOCATING ME
REMINDING ME
THAT YOU'RE NOT HERE ANYMORE
THAT YOU WERE NEVER HERE
TO BEGIN WITH
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