You are
Not defined by a number
On a scale or on a card.
Not the likes on social media,
Nor what the world thinks you are.

You are
The pain in all your teardrops,
The laugh in every smile.
The times you failed but tried again,
The hope in every sigh.
You're found
In people whom you love,
And the ones who love you too.
In memories you hold so close-
In light, in love, and truth.
There's you
In that which you call home,
Where home embraces you;
Where you store your hopes and dreams,
And pain and sorrow too.
There's you
In all that you regret,
In the shame you hide away;
But remember that all that has
Made you who you are today.

I've found
This world has one huge flaw:
It speaks lies, proclaiming truth;
It's poisoned you to think that you
Can be measured, made, and used.

So darling I pray you'll see today:
True beauty lies within.
Don't let yourself define you by
Numbers or cuts on your skin.

You are
More than my words can ever say;
There's so much to a heart
More than the world will understand-
There's more to who
You are.

-c.t.

The bed is only half empty,
it is not half full.
as i clutch the wrinkled bed sheets
beneath my tiny balled up fists.
Black mascara staining my tears
that run down cold cheeks,
cold from not having been touched by your lips
cold from waking up
only to find you gone.

I’m a lone wolf
howling in the woods
drawn into darkness
blinded by mere mysteries
I am that I am
because you are of what you made me
you’ve dispersed me into wilderness
you’ve made my soul as hollow
as a ill-treated tree of life
you are my weakness
you are joy
you are a demon implanted in me
I’m somewhere between psychotic and ironic
misunderstood by defiants ...
sometimes I don’t relate to my thoughts, my skin, my walk, and smile
sometimes I don’t know freedom;
is it reluctant obedience towards a fiend or constant countless breaths of a new life?
I’m not death
for I live in the presence of life
you were almost the death of me
but my artistry became the saviour -
the saviour of my soul, my mind, my heart
I’m a lone wolf
howling in the woods
where darkness was drawn to light.

I once had
my sweet little girl ask me...

Daddy?
          Yes dear?
Is the little man in the snow-globe, is he happy?

She looked up at me with bright blue eyes,
eyes so deep they were bottomless oceans.
I could stare into them forever.
I took my rough, calloused hands that were sanded with age,
into the gentle palm of her own.
"How could I ever tell her?" he thought
with a gaze so lovingly at her.  
Clutching the snow-globe ever so tightly,
she shook it twice so that light, beautiful snow-flakes
gush in all directions, inundating the glass city..
I smiled, and told my darling:
                                
                                     Don't worry sweetheart,
                           it is only trapped in a perfect world.

                                She didn't seem to understand.

When you notice me staring into nothingness,
Do not call me back,
I am trying to imagine a better day.

When you see me write incoherent words,
Do not ask me for their meaning,
I am trying to make sense of these thoughts inside my head.

When you see my nails sink into my arms,
Do not tell me to stop,
I just long to feel something that's not emptiness.

When you see me tugging at my clothes,
Do not ask me why,
I am just nervous of what people may think of me.

When you see me walking alone,
Do not come to my side or try to reach me,
I'm just trying to calm myself down.

If you ever see marks or bruises on my body,
Do not ask what has happened
Because I do not know myself.

If you ever see cuts or scars on my arms,
Do not pretend you know how it feels,
I'm not looking for your sympathy, I just need a release.

If you ever see my body tremble,
Please do not ask me why,
I am willing myself to just stop and breathe.

If you ever see me rocking myself,
Please do not make your jokes,
I just need to feel comforted at times.

If I ever arrive late,
Do not ask me where I have been,
I was busy trying to control the urges.

If I ever seem distant with you,
Please do not ask me what I'm thinking,
I am probably just wanting to disappear.

If I ever say I do not care,
Do not be fooled,
I am just probably tired of hearing these 'jokes'.

If I ever make a mess of things (like usual),
Do not yell at me or make me feel small,
I will clean up my mistakes, it just takes time.

If I ever hurt you,
Do not hate me,
Sometimes I just forget how to act.

If I ever cry on your shoulder,
Do not be uncomfortable,
It just means I am comfortable with you.

Please do not ask me if I am okay
Because I am never okay.
I am just surviving.

Please do not try to figure me out,
I am only human,
I just like secrets.

Please do not try to hug or touch me,
It makes my skin crawl,
I am not used to that touch.

Please do not try to comfort me,
Its not helping.
Just stay within reach, stay quiet,
Empty your mind of doubt.

If I'm ever crying or just being dumb
And I tell you to leave me alone,
Don't...I'm just too scared to admit I need you.
I need you to hold me when I feel so broken.