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Aug 2020 · 121
Sorry...
The one Aug 2020
I told them i wasnt the one they should fear,
and honestly i feel so bad that i even ended up here.

Its like i didnt ask to be told.
I just was. And that grew so old.

I cant fathom a day spent unwell, and yet if you looked at the world i live in, you couldnt tell.

I remember when the words would flow.
Like a boat my thoughts would tow along the heart i felt before. Once i told myself i had to let it go, i devoured it and wanted more.

I ate the sadness and the glee,
so desperately trying to be free.

And now i wake up more confused,
because instead of devouring the monsters,
instead i let them loose.

Away from me, but towards me. They chased me, and i chased me.

My brain formed a dichotomy, between who i thought i was and who i was to be.

Naturally karma bites you in the ***
as ive learned scraping scars up from my past.

Todays bitters become tomorrows worries,
and my file cabinet of memories pile up high of sorrys.
No notes!
Aug 2020 · 84
Burn
The one Aug 2020
I poured gasoline on my person of the past,
i said sorry and watched the flames eviscerate her to ash.

I didnt shed a single tear,
i laughed in the face of her greatest fear.

Then, i pulled up a chair, whislting... i toasted a marshmallow that smelled as sweet as the burning skin which filled the air.

Within the last dying flames from the fire,
i soon found out the person id killed had so much to admire.

But by then it was much too late,
i couldnt let her last be filled with hate.

So i gathered her ash so charcoal black,
i opened the soil and planted her with awe then, i stepped aback.

A tree she became right before my eyes,
and with that... i knealt down broken, i knew she felt me apologize!
Saying goodbye to my broken inner child
Aug 2020 · 88
Where did I go?
The one Aug 2020
Its been so long since i put my words on paper, why?
I find every sentence I want has a synonym in every emotion.
Every swell of imagery has been ruined perpetually by my burning out.
By my stuffing down.
By secluding the dark into a tiny dimension with a haphazard sign,
all pictures left my mind and all that is and all that could be, stayed.
I worried what others cared for, i forgot i cared too.
Got so wrapped in the world inside my world, i forgot how to draw.
All colors have escaped through crevices i thought i filled. And to imagine more seemed such a task.
To imagine anything but hollow seems against my own moral code these days. I ask myself what hurts and then.
I only see words. I hear the sentences without beauty. Just in that, it is.
It’s been a long time😅
Jul 2018 · 286
Aberrant
The one Jul 2018
The epithet for you? Oh god lemme just use this poem to describe. The incantation I will use is “aberrant.”
God I sound like an english teacher but I will pursue. Let’s begin....

Aberrant:
You, love,
are aberrant.
unusual.
yet beautifully,
and might I add intoxicatingly imperfect.

I can’t breathe enough of the air you reimburse on the world.

Your walls I wish to break down are naught to the cracking in my one you’ve taken a sledge to.

There’s always the one you save, and the one that saved you.

You, love...

Saved me in ways none could comprehend.

Thank you for you for the aberrant person you have become.
I love you
Mar 2018 · 189
Painted atelephobia
The one Mar 2018
Painted Atelephobia

Inevitable is the oblivion afeard within celadon gardens.
In the center a cerise bloom reaches clouds with ruby fingertips. Not I will touch sunsets as she.


Click is the cardinal heel of white collars which soar in cerulean skies. Still I stand on russet boots stuck in mud. For the wings on my back have been clipped long before.

Aye is the color changing leaf. Not apace is she, yet still grows skillfully radiant. Evergreen bristles with no compare to her auburn tint which gracefully touches winds and sails the seas. A green of dark hue flies not so angelically.

Never will I be the shadow in your eyes, nor the dimples on your cheeks. Never will I stand from the crowd and bloom like her. Never will fly nor soar nor swim. Never will I be good enough for you.
Atelephobia is the fear of never being good enough❤️❤️
Jan 2018 · 269
What IS It Like To LIVE
The one Jan 2018
What does it mean to live?
To be alive

Is it to have a life?
To breathe?
Air balloons constantly inflating?

To have a beating heart?
Or to bleed bright red?

Is it to blink?
To speak?

perhaps

"Living" isn't the space between birth and death.

perhaps

"Living" is breathing the air on highest hills?

To have a beating heart who yearns for love?

To bleed not only color but horrendous pain?

To blink tears for what the eye has seen?

To not only use the mouth to speak but to scream?

Maybe living isn't just life?

perhaps living is to

Love
Fear
Hate
FEEL
Jan 2018 · 339
thorns
The one Jan 2018
thorns poke my heart where roses grow
roses I grew by myself.
roses that blend with blood
they spin and twist around
tighter around my heart they pull
thorns slice the heart till red cascades down
they thrive on depression
tears water the roots
hope creates the petals
Jan 2018 · 179
sins
The one Jan 2018
you scream at me, I sit listening.
your words telling me of all the sins I have committed
stories pour in bitter pieces
you tell me that's not love
but I love you
Jan 2018 · 211
Baby, Please Love Me
The one Jan 2018
You, the fire
I, the wood
Burning bright, like they said we should
But I, the wood
Burn to ash,

You, with your clothes thrown on my floor,
******* my best friend right next door

You, the fire
Eating me alive,

I soon will go,
Not with fight

I hold you in my arms,
Perhaps too tight,
For the gasoline, she pours
Compares not to my boring brown

I was once a tree
Stood myself, so free
You cut me down and called me yours
Now I'm here,
Pleading
Baby, Please Love Me
he's a ******* idiot
or maybe
its just me
Dec 2017 · 194
nature's cry
The one Dec 2017
the warmth of the everlasting sun scorches skins
the flowers, a demise to those who compare
the thunder rattles glasses which shatter

the one who observes sits in a pool of nature's cry
Dec 2017 · 462
;
The one Dec 2017
;
;
An author uses a semicolon when they almost end a sentence
But they chose to keep the story alive
When life no longer shines bright,
Use your semicolon
Continue your sentence
;
Dec 2017 · 341
The empty chair
The one Dec 2017
lights of red line the bristled green
air of cookies and "joy"
yet something isnt right

you arent here anymore
to laugh
to sit in your chair at christmas dinner
Dec 2017 · 421
goodnight
The one Dec 2017
we pulled the plug last night
she was so vibrant
a flower in a garden of weeds
she smiled her last smile as I read the words
"Goodnight Moon"
she smiled and said
"Goodnight dear, I am now tired"
Nov 2017 · 216
Ouch
The one Nov 2017
Ouch
You step on my china doll figure
Crushing my glass under your shoe. You start stomping, making dust of me.

Then you think you can pick me up, but most of my broken pieces fall through your fingers when you do. I come with you, but leave most of myself behind.
Nov 2017 · 190
Evergreen
The one Nov 2017
A single tree stands after the forest fire.
A single evergreen high fives the sky.
He stood through the pain of the blistering heat quickly taking all down.
He rose tall as his friends left without goodbye.
He’s still here
The single tree.

One needs nobody but themselves.
A knight in shining armor is a myth.
We dance ourselves.
Nov 2017 · 193
Try
The one Nov 2017
Try
A slither of regret climbs my skin. The hairs, standing up on every inch. Whathave I done?! I’ve killed myself trying to take you down.
Ouch manz what have I done
Nov 2017 · 394
in deep
The one Nov 2017
don't fight the ropes that tie around your fragile barrier of skin.
don't scream, there's gauze on your mouth.
dont walk for chains forbid the legs to move.
love is a drug.
until you're in so deep they have you strangled.
dont, dont, dont you say as they crumble your dreams.
but you wouldnt have it any other way.
the pain, the sacrifice, may never end but as long as their smile is in your eyes, not a single thing matters. not a single thing
oops it's gross, just feeling
Oct 2017 · 326
A long way from home
The one Oct 2017
Upon the first step, my rain soaked loafers dirtied the pristine carpet of the cafe. The fresh aroma of bread coming out the oven filled my nostrils. A blanket of warmt engulfed me. I slowly peeled my jacket off my shoulders as the heat crawled under and began drying my back. The tears I once cried no longer stained my now smiling face. I stepped to the side as a man balancing a tray on his left hand swayed by me in unison with the blues playing softly on the radio. I noticed the elastic hum of the people around me. Pulling to eternity of a line with no interruption. Clearing my throat, I stepped forward and joined the peaceful buzz. Humming softly to the childhood favorite of mine. I took a window seat and watched the pitter patter of slow drops upon the pavement. With my coffee in front of me, I no longer felt the pin ****** of water. A child sat soaked outside eying the cookies sat on the plate beside my cup of brown. I smiled and waved the child in. I knew that, shortly I’d be sharing my heaven with a friend that was too young to enter through these doors
Heavenly
Sep 2017 · 776
Over you
The one Sep 2017
Getting over you isn't a quick hail storm.

It's not a piece of ice falling rapidly.

An immediate deflation of emotion as though an ice cube pelting upon hot cement.

Melting as soon as the ground and frozen water meet.

Getting over you is a cool precipitation of slowly falling snow.

A glistening piece of artwork landing upon the endless white.

A cold, menacing blanket of hatred and sting.

Anytime revisited, a frostbite against the skin.

Come spring, you reopen the door and the white has disappeared.

Instead, hues of pink and blue dot the land.

The white, no longer missed.

You were my other half to my beating soul.

Getting over you will never happen.

However, my strength has grown thanks to you. I will never forget you. I will never forget the endless cold that stung my eyes. On this day, I say thank you. Thank you for being worthy of the winter and not being just a passing hailstorm. Thank you for teaching me that flowers within me are beauty even though their thorns may bite. Thank you for making me getting over you.
I'm not ever going to get over you
Sep 2017 · 396
Home
The one Sep 2017
I could write about returning to the country of my birth, I could write about a place. I could write about the chilly air, i could write about the tiny house. I could...


...instead, write about returning home. 

My home doesn't consist of rooms, no floor, no beds. No, my home had two blinking hazel eyes. My home had the purest heart. My home cannot be returned to. Dad, my home, please return to me. 

"The world is not a wish granting factory" -TFIOS

If I could return home, father would welcome me in with his warm embrace. his glinting eyes would smile.

I sit here crying, wishing, hoping that one day I, like the rest of you, could return home. 

They say in heaven, one blink to them is our lifetime. Dear father, please, blink.
Blink, blink
Sep 2017 · 427
Hay
The one Sep 2017
Hay
Hay,
its the first thing I touched in this world. Perhaps I was a needle in a haystack. If you look closely you'll never find, only by mistake you'll locate. 

A mistake,
A mistake, 
A mistake, 

When I first said hey, life came tumbling down. 

Your mother is to love you and care for you. 

Not a mother of a mistake

She uses bats to crack your skull, 
She uses knives instead of hugs. 

Mistakes have no choice but to say "HAY" to everyone they meet. 

Hay, I'm a mistake, please be my friend. I cant do this another day.
Mistakes
Sep 2017 · 302
(wat)er tears
The one Sep 2017
tears slip through the lashed covered eye

each hold deep meaning
every drop that slides down holds an eternity of pain

an orb of stories

bursting at the plump curve of the path on the cheek

covering beautiful skin with a layer of wet sticky hurt

the rest come cascading down

the silent scream of agony is drawn

for upon the skin so raw

is the shedding of each story and it's burst of blood through veins of the heart

it's the desperate cry and repulse of each fiber within
Even though I rarely cry due to the feeling inside:(
Sep 2017 · 226
One shot, Two shot Three
The one Sep 2017
You've handed me a loaded gun
You told me to run

You told me to never speak
Of the monster freaks

You told me everything was going to be all right
That you were going to hold on to me so tight

But listen here
The monsters you fear

Aren't so far away
In fact I say

Let me show you
Who they're really attached to

Inside of me
They are begging to let them free

And so you scream
And I end this frightening dream

One shot
Two shot
Three
Let me show you what they've done to me

Demons do not die
So I sit here trying not to cry

You've handed me a loaded gun
And now it's your turn to run

One shot
Two shot
Three
Let me show you what you've done to me

Instead of hurting you
I pull the trigger
One shot
two
The demons bled
Now I am finally dead
Well
Sep 2017 · 201
Trapped
The one Sep 2017
Human skin surrounds

encases,
wraps tight until there is no longer a breath.

Tough cement hardened to be poison for trees within.

Walls, a barrier for growth.

Pickers keep picking, yet what they find is void of green.

Instead black charcoal crackles orange and red flame, eviscerating all that is.

Changing life to sick death. Paralyzed within, a fury attempting a pathetic escape.

Flames rise from speakers will and pauses onlookers.

A torment of phrases swirl. Unleashed is the roar, gone the evergreen.

Cries of anguish can tear the ears, a seed placed in the head.

So unwillingly controlled.

By laughing roars and uplifting vows though stronger without
I always say, a poem is what you make it. Not what the author meant.
Sep 2017 · 272
Not So Sunny
The one Sep 2017
A sunny day synchronizes with one of a devious path.

A steady tug of war they play.

For no reason comes to mind as to why they combat and unwind.

Ferocious beasts release upon the marking on the cement.

Six feet under goes past faces and 50 feet above spirit goes places.

Motionless

Unbothered.

Completely hazy as to why.

Because when sunny day gets blown away,

the flowered hearts once watered are now dry.

Dominoes each blow plastic smiles and fall asleep for dreary years.

For a day of ferocious beasts, no longer come the tears

I hope your day is sunny

— The End —