My periods turn to semicolons
My suicide notes to poetry
My goodbyes became hellos
The blades turn to sunflowers
And the bullets, a rose
My heart still is broken
But the pieces have been found
Death isn’t for me anymore
What is, in the here and now
I still don’t feel enough
But I am alive
And that’s enough to say
Today is not the day I die.

I don't know where she went
But she took the silliest things with her
The glimmer in my eyes,
The giggles from excitement,
The rose tint from my cheeks,

I don't know where she went
But she took the wildest things with her
The amber glow I viewed you in,
The flutter in my heart when you said my name,
The peace I felt in your presence,

I don't know where she went
But the things that she left?
The lack of trust for people,
The fear of getting close?
I'll hold them tight until she returns

boys will be boys
when he pulls her pigtails.
boys will be boys
when he takes away her virtue.

i am but a monster of hate.
the thought of myself makes me deflate.
the quieter it is, the more i think.
in the silence is when i begin to shrink.

nobody fears a monster so small,
a monster too scared to take part in a brawl.
one day, i was greeted by a friend.
i start to wonder what will impend.

my friend really wanted me to come.
come and join his other friends to watch him play drum.
the thought of their attention on me makes me quickly say "no".
deep down, i just know how it was going to go.

at my response, my friend got upset.
i didn't realize then how much he hated me yet.
he told me bluntly: "i didn't want you there anyway".
and the truth of it all destroyed the rest of my day.

You spoke about leaving
So often and for so long
That I didn't believe
You'd ever be gone

unfortunately, i have always cared.
you will never see me spreading the secrets you have shared.
though you went and broke my trust,
i simply told myself: "if you really must..."

i was never one to start a fight,
but i admit that i have said some things out of spite.
when you cursed and said you wished for my death,
i felt myself holding my breath.

your hands shot out when my tears fell.
i wanted to tell you to go to hell.
right then, i really wished i did not care,
but intentionally hurting you is something i would never dare.

you held me as i silently shook,
for a moment, i forgot that you were the crook.
am i under some dastardly charm?
why am i crying in the arms of the one who caused me harm?

dampness spread on your shirt from the tears i shed,
your fingers threaded through my hair as you whispered: "i didn't mean what i said".
it didn't stop my bleeding heart,
i find myself wishing i could restart.

if we never met, where would i be?
perhaps, in the arms of someone who truly loved me.
but leaving you is something i'm not prepared.
because unfortunately, i have always cared.