pearl

pearl Sep 17

the scars on my body, even three years later,
  remain emboldened and raised on my flesh
   serving as a simple yet harrowing reminder

that this body never belonged to me—
                  and that it never, ever would.

#ptsd #trauma #ramcoa #recovery #programming

pearl Sep 17

there is room for you here

my heart is very big
               there is much room for you here
     to curl up in the hollow space
                             won’t you stay a while?

#love

pearl Sep 2020

dearest

my love,
    my light
look at you
           those eyes of purity
                                 and trust
         that wrap around my mind like a blanket
oh, to feel your hands
              interlocked with mine

my dearest, my dearest, my dearest

my love

i love you

#love #trust #growth #light #happiness #joy #healing #purity

pearl Sep 2020

honey

his words
like tea
unsweetened and
bitter on my tongue
but now he's
added honey
and the love is
all the more sweet

im back after an extended hiatus.

#love #honey #tea #metaphorical #bitter #bittersweet

pearl Apr 2020

another dream about him

a dream in which
i finally was enveloped in your arms again
being held tightly
the dreams are getting more frequent
with the idea that my one chance to see you this year
will be ripped away from me
i want to write songs with you again
i want to see your perfect smile
and listen to you talk about
your anxieties with me like i'm an old friend
why must you live so far
why must we be years apart

i miss you

forbidden love

#distance #imissyou #longing #longdistance #forbiddenlove #starcrossed

pearl Apr 2020

a conversation

i spoke to my mother this morning
about my most recent ex
and how i would still take him back
in a heartbeat
she said to me
"that makes me sad,"
and the only response
i could muster was
"love is dangerous when the abuse feels like home"

disclaimer: a lot of our relationship was lovely but the abuse i experienced with him was neglect and a lot of degradation about me worrying about him so much... he was a drug addict

#abuse #home #ptsd #numb

pearl Apr 2020

red-handed

my blood is on his hands,
but oh,
he got away!
"he's a thief! he's a thief!" i cry
as he runs into the distance
with my innocence in a bag
thrown over his shoulder
i scream and shrill
"there's not enough evidence," they said
but my blood!
oh, my blood!
it's on his hands!

i want to douse him in gasoline and throw matches on him
i will laugh and smile while he screams

#sexualassault #ptsd #crime #cocsa #abuse #trauma #traumatized #**** #blood #proof