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dims Oct 2020
let’s both play a game of truth, you can tell me lies
and i won’t know because i can’t look you in the eyes

suicide is dangerous
because i will die alone
so please just shoot me in the head and hold my hand before i go

and i hope i rot in hell
and i hope i rot in jail
and i hope my death is celebrated
and let’s go back to the hotel

i can crumble in the bathroom
drink wine that’s mixed with ****
and i wanna hear you in the bedroom
so i can remind myself that nobody will miss me.

i hope i rot in hell
i hope i rot in jail

these thoughts that i have are enough
to excuse my ****** in the court
please just say it was self defense
please make it make sense.
yes this was based off a movie character i have a emotional connection with. no i will not say who
dims Jun 2020
i found my faith in you,
in your eyes and your words and your mind and every little piece of you, it had my faith in it
this was a different kind of worship
in which the familiar feeling of intertwining our fingers and looking out on the town we grew up on, the very same town we were so scared of

if i could trace back my steps i would
i would go backwards just for you but we haven't figured out how to do that yet
i would give you the moon, the stars
the sun and the earth
(on well-met conditions)
i would have given you anything you asked for
and you knew that, didn't you

now i see my faith long gone in someone who isn't you,
because the familiar tilt in your half-smile is gone and the creases under your eyes are much darker than you would allow
i try and ask you where it's gone but the voice that comes out isn't the one that told me it loved me.

so i think i'm losing my faith, and when it's all gone, what will i have left but the husk of what you used to be?
dims May 2020
it's covered with a sheath,
perhaps for safety,
but i leave that on the counter.

me and him, we have a routine
he's always in the drawer
and i'm always reaching for him.

i pop open the bandaid box
stick a few in my pockets
make sure everyone is sound asleep
then take refuge in the bathroom.

it's a dull pain,
each swing and pull makes pain shoot up my leg
but it feels nice.
even though i know i should stop
something's pulling me in.

there's blood on the knife,
on the toilet paper
on my hands, under my nails
i can barely see the first cut.

sometimes, i wish i could do this forever.
yeaa oop
dims May 2020
you always think i'm lying
even though the truth serum
that you gave me,
(in the form of forcing myself out of my body)
has been administered in such a large dose
that it's seeping out of my eyes

there's a bright light shining in my eye
and i have taken the multiple blows from your words
some of which still leave imprints.

i tell you that i want to leave
that i want him to pack up and take me with him
because maybe then i can find some peace
in the ever turning turmoil that haunts my mind.

you just say,
"i don't care."

maybe you're too busy playing the victim
to watch me claw at my face in an attempt to get out.
haha mommy issues
  Apr 2020 dims
efni
emotions
sat heavily on my chest
squeezing my heart
and burning my head

so i piled three pillows
on top of one another
and tried to scream
the emotions out

nothing changed
except that now
my throat hurts and
my pillows are concerned

so i laughed
at my failed attempt
and wrote a poem about it

29.04.20
sometimes you have to laugh at yourself. i feel a bit better
  Apr 2020 dims
island poet
<|>

for some time,
in these troubled moments,
midst the uprooted formless firmament
where rawest poems come from,
and the saddest gentled, go to die,
colloquially a place, a space,
we call,
time

in these, them days of lockdown quarantine,
time has lost its preeminence,
the swagger of precision-swiss-definition
of the imposing measuring stick of
routine
is lost to that very
formless firmament

we look at each aghast,
with wild puzzlement faces,
inquiring of each other,

what day of the week is it?

the eavesdropping, spying voice of this device
answers,
“see the upper left corner”

which is kind of a miracle
but not nearly as amazing that

a few hours later,
or some time span of an approximate relevancy,
(we assume,)
we ask each other, once more,
in a reverie of hopelessness,
with total no-pretense of the
when,
no, worse,
the frightening pointy needlessness of
why
it matters

dearest darling,
pray, pray,
what day of the week is it?

writ on the Isle of Manhattan
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