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 Feb 2015 dhanumitha surendran
KM
Maybe it was the fact that I laughed
But if I loved every man who made me laugh
I'd be called 'easy'
But not every man made me laugh like you did
No man has ever made me laugh like you did
Like nothing mattered in the world
But you and me
And the fact that you were falling asleep
Denying it
But still falling
Falling as fast asleep
As I was falling fast in love
And the fact that I was supposed to be
On your couch
Not in your bed
But trusting that you weren't that guy
You weren't
But you were so warm
And nothing mattered
Not classes
Not people
Not the cool breeze outside
Or even the repercussions
The morning would bring
Just you and me
At 3 am
When I fell in love with you
Yesterday is far too far away to touch,
A fleeting memory, just beyond grasp
Slipping, sliding further away from the moment
When words left tongues to touch ears
Now all that’s left, a hazy snatched picture
Of a portion of perfection, frozen in this head
A reflection on a memory
Everything isn't always as you perceive
Judging what you see on what you believe
Your own programming is aimed at you to deceive
The information around you, so you can't retrieve
The memory of how to be free of all the worry
Of how others behave and what kind of hurry
They're in, just begin to cover and bury
The idea that you have to be the judge and jury
Believe me when I say there comes a day
When those that judge will have to pay
For the judgements they pass will find a way
To come back to them to their own dismay
People cheat,
people lie

To get ahead
or
just to get by.

They do it out of deemed necessity
or
have made it a successful habit.

Some would feel bad,
but
some wouldn't lose sleep over it.

Some lie to protect...
Some lie to infect...

With little remorse
or
full blown guilt.

Either way
risking
all they've built.

A lie is an accessory
that most tend to abuse.
A convenient mask
for the ugly truth
that most would misuse.

Lies are...
The bane of relationships
Destroyer of trust...
Conveyed by irresponsible lips.

So have I ever lied?
Have I ever desecrated
honesty's pride?
Have I ever wielded it
to save others from harm?
Have I ever employed it
to boost my charm?

No I haven't,
now that's a lie...
Spouted that so easily,
I didn't even need to try...

Honestly,
YES I HAVE.
I am no exception...

I am no saint,
I'm only human
...
with an ill sense of direction.



I have lied...
How about you?

Search deep inside...
*You know you have too...
When we're together we can:

- hold hands
- kiss
- listen to our favorite tunes
- be super weird
- take rlly dumb selfies
- eat at subway
- sing dumb lovey dovey songs together
- cuddle
- hug
What was it like to fall?
Did you want to turn back?
Did you regret your decision on the way down?

You drove an hour to get there
How could you do that knowing what you were about to do?

Did you think of me even for a moment?
Was I in your  last thoughts?

Why did you do it?

Wasn't I there for you?
All the nights I spent talking and listening to you?

Don't you realise the mess you left behind?
Did that even occur to you?
Do you realise just how many people miss you?
Me and your children, and your mother

If you could tell me,  I would ask, was it worth it?
Senja djakarta enam belas januari dua ribu lima belas . di hadapan leptop , aku merangkai kata demi kata untuk menghasilkan sebuah karya yang indah . ku tatapi sekelilingku ... benda mati , sepi, lengang ... andai printer yang disampingku itu berbicara... gunting itu berkata, dan pulpen ini berteriak , akan aku ceritakan sebuah kisah klasik ini di hadapan benda-benda itu . entah apa yang aku rasakan saat ini . abstark sepertinya . aku pernah berangan-angan menikmati teh rosela bersama bapakku didalam dekapan senja hangat mengantarkan mentari itu pulang  , dalam dekapan . bapak yang aku rindukan kasih sayangnya melebihi apapun di dunia ini . Maafkan aku mama, aku tidak pernah serindu ini kepada bapakku . tapi percayalah , kedudukanmu dihatiku selalu ku prioritaskan bak malaikat yang selalu menjagaku setiap hari . Mama... bisakah engkau wakilkan rasa ini kepada bapakku , bahwa aku ingin mencium tangannya . kemudian ia tersenyum merasakan hangat cinta anakknya .

rasa apa yg lebih berarti daripada menahan rindu ini , menahan rindu akan sosok bapakku yang genap 8 tahun sudah tidak pernah menyapaku lagi . aku tidak ingin mengingatnya dengan kenangan buruk , tetapi aku akan mencoba menguburnya ,dan ini lah saatnya aku menjadi pribadi yang berubah .

bapak, tahukah engkau pak , aku sudah beranjak dewasa, dr dewasa itu aku menemukan siapa diriku sebenarnya . sadar bahwa aku bukanllah apa-apa tanpamu pak . sadara bahwa aku di dunia ini karena mu dan ibu . maafkan aku yang tidak pernah mendegarkanmu .

Senja ... saksikanlah bahwa aku ingin sekali bapak duduk di pelaminan bersama ibu , dan aku berada tepat di bawah kakiknya . sembah sungkem merestui pernikahanku bersama pria yang dikirimkan ALLAH untukku .
Senja masih terasa sama , ia hadir menyapa seakan menghadirkan sejuta tanya ?
kemudian tak lama 'anganku mulai bermain , berhalusinasi akan sebuah daun yang jatuh kemudian terbang bersama angin .
hidup tanpa senja seakan berjalan tiada tulang , tak berdaya , rentan dan rapuh .

appapun yang ingin aku sampaikan melalui goresan ini , adalah bukti bahwa aku tidak pernah mengingkari janji Allah ,
bahwa senja akan terus menemuiku setiap ia akan pulang .
meskipun terkadang ia hadir bersama rintikan hujan yg terus menerus membasahi tanah jakarta

Dan aku tak tau lagi , kapan aku bisa menyaksikan senja tenggelam di pinggir pantai lengkap dengan deburan ombak .
Senja engkau berhasil membuat rekaman itu selalu berputar memplay memori ku bersama bapak . memori dan kenangan di masa kecil itu .
aku tidak pernah memikirkan apakah yg harus ku cari esok hari
Lay me down in the sheets designed to surround my bodies bounds, Let me drown in the waters of  what's to be a "peaceful" sound.

There is just no sleeping tonight
I am trying but my mind won't let everything be alright.
So I sit, gaze straight ahead In hopes that just might.. A little rest shall be In near sight.

The coffee *** is waiting.
ready for the dawning of early morning light,
but as I lay my body down in the sheets designed for  sleep, Like the white rabbit this plague of fear falls upon me:
"What if my dream is not a dream but a nightmare of my reality"?
I actually cannot sleep tonight so I decided to put my energy into something positive
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