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527 · Apr 2013
Naturally
Devon Apr 2013
As I am the offspring
of many a fantasy novel, and science fiction adventure, of horrific foes in all shapes and personalities, a child of heroes, damsels in distress and warrior princesses -

Naturally -

I expected a certain order to things.
I may have been
mistaken.
Devon Mar 2016
I find it,

   fleeting

   in moments between planning and remembering
Bursting forth

   Like breaks of brilliant sunshine.
In the rise of my lover’s chest,

   thick and warm beneath my cheek.

In the wild and beautiful flowers,

   that don't know the word “****”.

In the unexpected, brilliant red and green of a hummingbird hovering,

   so close… so close
In the increasingly rare moments when my daughter and I SEE each other,

   fully as we are, bound and flawed.
In the now,

   There it is.

  

    Bliss...
   and then. goes. only to come again.

   forever, it comes again.
Devon Mar 2015
the farther she steps
off the typically tread path

the darker the eyes upon her become.

the sudden realization
that these sheep
have teeth
and a mob-mentality, peer justified taste
for cruelty
Devon Dec 2012
I used to paint with fervor. Drinking coffee till morning hours, hands feverishly grabbing at paints and pastels. I'd lay the color down. A brush in my mouth and one in my hand. Rubbing paint and charcoal deep into canvas and paper.
Thick.
I would get inside the paper.
My world.
Black and vibrant blood red. Stark white sheets calling out to me, begging to be brought to life, brought to light.

Now my hands feel so empty. Shallow.
Lost their purpose?
I try picking up the brush, but it just hangs. Empty. Cold, without the heat that used to burn through my fingers. How did I get here?
Colors still dance around my head. Shapes, ideas, visions. They bang against the bars of my impotence.
While my hands hang.
Waiting...for something.
481 · Aug 2012
Panic
Devon Aug 2012
deep breath.

too shallow
too quick
try harder

deep breath.
deep breath.

heart pounds
skin sweats
fingers shake

deep breath.
deep breath.

just breath.
anxiety attacks ****
477 · Mar 2014
Restless
Devon Mar 2014
Body on fire
but no lover's hands will touch me tonight

Spine a crackling fuse
wanting, WANTING so desperately to bend and arch
under the weight of another

Skin wanting to melt under the heat of tongue and teeth

Hands
Such needy, craving hands -
They will hold nothing tonight

I am alone
Devon Apr 2014
Take it -
Just take it easy.
(****, he makes it easy)

With flattery, fluttering
eyes sliding,
all the way up my thighs

then melting me
back down
when he calls me “baby”

just rolls right off
that wicked quick tongue,
like nothing

“baby”

ratcheting up my heart
my breath
my blood

“oh baby”

melt me down again

“baby”
like its no big thing

*but it’s everything to me.
464 · Apr 2014
waking up...
Devon Apr 2014
long slumbering parts
stir
as this new scent fills me
and unfamiliar energies
strike shivers down my spine...

hands, head, heart
lost for words

as all that I am
is reduced to
a collective groan...

*i want more.
459 · Oct 2015
useless
Devon Oct 2015
These ****** hands of mine -
when there's only space between -
are good for nothing.
but they will stay open, for you, nonetheless.
453 · May 2013
your voice is gone
Devon May 2013
in anger I demanded
proof
of your existence

unable to comply

in anger
I sent you away
banished you from my head
i said
i hated you

but i lied
i lied
i lied
i lied

should you ever find this
if  you still hear me
if you  are real or imaginary

i'm sorry
sorry
sorry

*please forgive me
451 · May 2013
Right there,
Devon May 2013
I wear not my heart on my sleeve.
Its weight tears even the strongest of fabrics

I say not those words you saw dance across my face
they are to thick for air to hold
(and my tongue is often a traitor)

But if you really want me
you will find me
in the the silence and the moments
after eyes catch and before pretenses begin.
Devon Jan 2013
At eleven years old
voices awoke in my head.

The child realized
people dying
screaming, crying
all over the world.

despair
exploded
inside
knocked out the air
and I cried.

little girl tears, snot filled, sobbing, innocent

Then I buried them.
The voices.
444 · Dec 2012
The throat just seizes up.
Devon Dec 2012
I meant to say
"I like hanging out with YOU"
Instead I said "I like hanging out here"

I meant to say
I Like You

Instead I said goodnight.

*It's safer that way.
439 · Jul 2015
The sunrise in my skin
Devon Jul 2015
he rakes me
sharply, softly,
    with big, sturdy hands

watching the red spread
all the way down

the sudden intensity
sets my sleepy skin ablaze
and my consciousness uncoils
in the haven of his arms...

*good morning, love.
438 · Apr 2014
disarmed
Devon Apr 2014
laid bare
i’m bleeding here
assaulted with rare forwardness
- i just didn’t know how to defend myself

a little panic
plays in my head
as securities are disarmed
and well hidden shadows of my self
start slipping out
pouring out
bursting out
out
out
out
(god, they want out)

making a fine mess of me,
you are
*and I am not even yours to mess with
436 · Jan 2013
Don't open the door.
Devon Jan 2013
kicking and screaming

it kicks
it claws
biting, spitting
it gnaws

her bones
moan, groan
can’t take this _
much longer

used to be so quiet here
*before she let the anger in...
Devon Jul 2015
i'm wanting
like hard brittle things
want to break

stuttering, trying to explain
to the organized, box trained
how badly i need a little chaos

cause those patterns out there
in the stars
make way more sense to me
than your day planners

And i've tried.
half my life i've tried
the people pleasing parts of me, still ******* trying
to play the expected parts
so much so
that my own offspring - my own blood
looks at me now with foreign eyes
reflecting the familiar disapproval

as I burn up the parts of me i'm done with
the parts they told me I had to be
letting all the "ugly" colors bleed through

everyday I get a little closer
to what i'm supposed to be...
*and I hope you find your way out of that box, baby girl. i should have been a better teacher*
434 · Oct 2012
i did
Devon Oct 2012
you did love him once, didn't you?
made your own gilded bed, didn't you?
didn't see the pretty chains slipping around your throat, did you?
he asked if you were sure, and you said yes, didn't you?

didn't you.


he would like you to break.
those silly dreams he would take
to pieces.

and give you something else back
maybe not entirely you
but it will do

just as long as you stop fighting

can't say that he stole
what was offered up so freely,
this stubborn little soul
430 · May 2014
Are you ready?
Devon May 2014
words elude me tonight
tease my fingers
with their  possibilities
     their promises

the ocean just keeps getting ****** up
behind my tongue
swelling and churning
in chaotic symphony

conflicting emotions crash & break
against weather weary bones
it was all just child's play before

the walls are coming down soon
I can feel it
and all this ink will not save me

inhale, exhale
breath.
*"may chaos be kind to me"
421 · Dec 2012
Here it comes
Devon Dec 2012
This time
she didn't cry
when the wave, wave
of threats
came crashing.

This time
She was ready
fortified
fortified and ready.

Steady
stand strong
breath and be ready

*The tide will go out soon.
Devon Oct 2014
the big, big space
of air
felt like lead weights on my tongue.
i couldn't get out
all the fear
all the pain
all the hurt

all the fear
        all the pain
                 all the hurt (these are deep waters my love)

stumbling over the absence of your warm arms
I try to hear all you have to say
while it crushes me,
           it crushes me...
407 · May 2014
awaken
Devon May 2014
I beseeched the void
the darkness, the light, the ALL
she breathed back *“awake”
397 · Aug 2012
Too Long
Devon Aug 2012
it has been too long my friend
you wrapped your arms around me
in a dream

And I remembered what it was
to feel safe
took comfort in your warmth

For a moment
I knew what it felt like
to be home
378 · Dec 2012
Let her loose.
Devon Dec 2012
write.
write.
write.
you say speak
I babble - mouth leak
you say listen
but shift uncomfortable
when my eyes probe yours too deep.
you can’t handle  this
long, cavernous,
uncomfortable silence
this is where I live,
ravenous.

hungry
hungry
hungry

you say eat
but again,
your eyes won’t meet
my own
afraid I might devour
what’s left of
your power
so I starve.
starve.
starve.
378 · Apr 2014
metaphors
Devon Apr 2014
I speak in metaphors
feel in colors,  think in painted movie screens

My tongue a sluggish traitor
to the quick flashing shades in my heart

I try to

STOP.

RESET.

START.

but that train of thought has left the station
and editors start to intervene -
before new pictures come fully into focus, the domesticated directors in my mind yell
"CUT"
and that impish tongue obeys

I paddle the air
trying to stir up the scent of what was about to be -
but it refuses to come

ever loyal hands rush to my rescue
cupping temples and eyes
catching fallen thoughts
to later let loose upon paper
378 · Oct 2012
cold
Devon Oct 2012
feel away
the night
as sweet tries
fall on
dead limbs

the young
should not feel
so numb.
375 · Dec 2012
Ten paces behind you
Devon Dec 2012
Yeah, that was me by the way.
That chill down your spine.
I felt you shiver, and smiled.
375 · Sep 2013
In the spaces between
Devon Sep 2013
fever builds
in the chilly silence
of loss

slow rising
of heat and anger
and hope

funny,
what sets it off...

a strangers sly grin
reminds me
I'M ALIVE

and all the space
in this bed
has not extinguished me
after all.
369 · Apr 2014
Another time
Devon Apr 2014
Big skies of home
pull at strings rooted deep
in the younger parts of my heart

eyes reflect
a hundred summer days
spent in the green and gold sage
dreaming

the land here
is full of ghosts
that recognize and call out
as soon as my air
meets their air

and my phantom wings answer
raising me
up
up
up

embracing the wind
that loved me then
and always
363 · Jan 2013
My insides SCREAM!
Devon Jan 2013
restless
loveless
wishing I could stress less
but I won't.

caged, trapped
ready to snap
I need to do something
but I don't.
Something! run, scream, howl, punch, ****, fight, eat, SOMETHING!
as I  languish in my cubicle - *** merging with chair...
362 · Oct 2014
Little heart
Devon Oct 2014
with a soft & skittish beat
she builds
the little muscle
left filled
     with holes & bruises

slowly now, little atrophied heart

you'll never find strength
under the weight
of walls
362 · Aug 2014
my own
Devon Aug 2014
love me
with hands open
ready for my own to intertwine
love me
without binds
that would only break
the soft things my soul longs to speak
to you
love me
love me
love me
*I do
359 · Jun 2014
One step at a time...
Devon Jun 2014
one more step
away from static
and my stomach
lungs
heart
now reside
in my throat

another step
past familiar
and my hopes
and old dreams
start to sparkle
back to life

just one more step
and I can feel
the anticipation
of freedom
licking at my heels

*I feel so ready to run
Devon Feb 2015
I stumble on those words;
"I love you"

So far from adequate
that my tongue
rolls itself in distaste.

But I offer it up anyways
(such a tiny totem)

and hope that you know,
hope that you see,
hope that you feel,

the sheer ecstasy that follows in it's wake…
349 · Apr 2013
Maybe?
Devon Apr 2013
intrigue
ignites quickly in me
as I search for
a word
a glance
a quietly whispered
GO!
to unleash
the patiently pacing
girl
who wants nothing less
than the world, or just her freedom.

but the seconds, days,years
pass
False alarms or missed moments?

*both are frequent
347 · May 2014
Yeah, I think i'm gone...
Devon May 2014
down
down
down
the rabbit hole

I so willingly go
as more reserved facets of my self
scream NO!

but I can't find the will to stop
fingers,  probing flesh,
mouth    exploring
places            foreign

deeper

deeper

down
Devon Nov 2014
the light of his eyes
challenges and dares
the wild haired girl inside
that she thought had died

so long ago

and smiling eyes
bring the uncensored grins
of a once brazen soul

his hands granting reprieve
from the cold -
and finally,
She feels.

He makes me want to be brave again.
332 · Nov 2012
Sorting things out
Devon Nov 2012
I just needed some time.

Time to separate the ties
between truths, possibilities
and all the lies...
they just start to blur after a while...
326 · Aug 2012
How do I find you?
Devon Aug 2012
20 years ago, I heard your voice in a dream.
A whisper, a glimpse.
Too real. Too real for a child to throw off as just a dream.
Too Often.

How do I find you?

No writers found
No poems found
No books found
No readers found
No groups found
326 · Apr 2014
Careful What You Ask For
Devon Apr 2014
There he goes again
with those eyes
stripping me bare
of all armor.
all masks.
all pretenses.

In this undressed state
a little uncomfortable
and a little afraid
of what might be seen
what might be found
what might be felt

*i'm burning now
325 · Dec 2013
Not Ever.
Devon Dec 2013
lost you love,
fingers to weak,
and atrophied arms
couldn't hold
the completeness of you.

All my supposed strength
was a sham
wasn't enough
was nothing

and I'm sorry.

*but i won't give up looking for you. because I feel you in my bones, in my blood, in my soul. I will never stop looking for you.
325 · Mar 2014
Now What?
Devon Mar 2014
I had resigned myself
to nothing real. To not feeling. To not needing.
And I was so sure I would be fine.

but YOU found the cracks
and a well timed wave
… of something …
hit like a train.
knocked out all the delusions of contentment

now, stuttering, gasping, dazed

and that lovely light in your eyes
threatens the dark I have become accustomed to

and I just don't know what to do...
321 · Apr 2014
Gently now
Devon Apr 2014
with gentle breaths
you blow  life
back into dormant embers

and deft fingers
coax little flames back to life

I shift, nervous,
that this heat will devour me

*but i’ve been wandering the cold dark for so long…
would you think less of me, if I said I was afraid?
318 · Apr 2014
Remember
Devon Apr 2014
Remember:

bare feet flying across
ashy, sun scorched trails
cape of gold hair billowing behind
- camouflage in the golden brown scrubland

run. Run. RUN!

as far and as fast as growing legs could carry
racing the sunset
through fields, over hills, to the very top
you have to beat the sunset!

up there, I found peace,
alone, between sun and stars.
alone, between light and dark.

*remember who you are devon.
311 · Jun 2014
Maybe...
Devon Jun 2014
baby, baby, baby
hearts so full of
maybes

and hands so warm
with welcome
and lips full of promise
baby

but i’m still full of fears
maybes

and that little voice
keeps saying
“just let him love you
like a big, much needed stretch, a deep breath
purring, baby”

god, i wanna love you
maybe...
309 · Jun 2014
are you awake yet?
Devon Jun 2014
the universe laughs
as I struggle to make sense
of this new lesson
and in spite of it all, I laugh along as well
307 · Feb 2013
What's Left?
Devon Feb 2013
The silence in my head/hands is deafening.
My head and hands jump
from full, brimming,
chaos -

To empty, dry
silence.

Parched, drained,
The only poetry left
is this silence.

*and I will give it all to you. if you'll have it.
298 · May 2014
Having been heard
Devon May 2014
heart shaped words
spill silently from the stars in your eyes

weaving a blanket of pleasure
your open hands invite me to enter
to crawl under
and in

and you watch me
with such wanting eyes
that lips and fingertips
burn in response
and deeper parts
beg to receive
and be received

and YES, I did ask for this

all of this
all of this
all of this

*please
294 · Jul 2014
Dance (haiku)
Devon Jul 2014
this new dance will take
a little time to get right
and also, my heart
273 · Apr 2014
But go ahead and try…
Devon Apr 2014
the crushing blows
of your words
strike,
when least expected

and despite all my armor
you still manage to find those sweet spots

I used to crumple
knowing,
if I yielded,
you would put down your blades

but there was a secret I did not tell you, the last time you took me down.
in the dark, as I licked my wounds, I realized

I would never be
what you tried to make me.
I knew
you could never break me.

you will never break me

you will never break me

you will never break me
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