He said, "Tell them you love them"
But I don't know how,
The words never follow through,
Just always foaming at the mouth.
Like a dog in the heat,
But it's me in his sweater,
Give me one last change to try to get it together.

He said, "Try harder" to me,
But I don't know if I can,
All the pounding in my chest and the weight in my hands,
You know it's harder to be,
Something that which takes effort and time,
Something that'll resemble the girl in the back of your mind.

I'll be a whiskey and a fire,
A burst of burning light,
I'll be the dullness in old dresses
Or your cloudy starless night.

He said, "You need to relax"
And maybe he was right,
Maybe I was holding onto words too tight,
And I could fall into his dream,
And finally breathe,
Bend my bones into the beauty I knew he wanted me to be.

Sail away, small bird.
Over distant oceans
Tip down your beak
Let it touch the sea.

Sail away, small bird.
Don't let the crashing
waves touch you. Don't
let them spray your wings.

Sail away, small bird.
Drown out the roar
Of the current with the
gentle hum of the breeze.

Sail away, small bird.
Away from everything.
Away from home.
Away from me.

My lips are a battlefield
Chapped on the outside
They represent my inner demons

I cut through those lips of mine daily
When the stress makes it hard to focus
And my breath forgets to repeat itself

When the vindictiveness of my own words
Sews the bruises, and my stomach
Rests as it feeds on the blood my mouth is filled with

I know, vampires are usually beautiful people
But my lips always clash
They always tell the people who see me

"That girl, she's got something dark on the inside
She fuels herself with her brain's own chatter
And her teeth dig her grave inside those lips."

It's a cancer that spreads to the inside of my cheeks
My fingernails, my knuckles, the seams in my shirts
It doesn't just flutter through, it bulldozes

It's something hard and loud that makes you regret you ate that morning
That metallic taste will rot your soul
And turn your lips into a soulless brawl

Destroy the monsters
that call your mind home
no longer allow them
shelter within your bones
let yourself free
from the demons inside
you'll never find happiness
or the light otherwise

Life is not a box of Lego
You cannot persuade someone to build a tower with you
A tower that seems so strong and inferior to the world
A tower that looks like it will last forever
Only to break the tower down
Abandoning the other builder
To clean up the
s
   h
a
     m
b
       l
   e
         s
While you go and build a brick house
With someone else

It’s over now.
I left the place with the poisonous air.
The place I once called home.
But that’s okay.
Because looking back,
There are many things I can smile about.

But that is a fantasy;
A utopia that I wish existed.
Because the reality is,
Whenever I do look back at what I used to have,
I realize that there isn’t something to smile about.
Seeing as the entire life I was living was toxic.
And I was just immune to the toxicity.

The fumes I smelled,
The red flags that were raised,
The sounded alarm,
Were the only thing I ever knew.
I didn’t know what existed just outside the walls I built around me.

So looking back,
At that place I used to linger,
There really isn’t something for me to smile about.
Because what I thought was okay,
Was never normal.

I will not go back there ever again,
Despite the ‘happy’ memories.
For I am no longer immune to toxicity.
And I will no longer inflict sickness upon myself,
From the toxic wasteland I once loved.

My demons haven't been kind to me again.
They wake me up after 5am
And play me the fool.
I can see you kissing another man.
And my heart rips in two.
Because I wasn't good enough.

And I end up crying myself to tears.
For stupid reasons I can't control.
Only because I am vulnerable.
I just feel that I've pushed you away.
With my clingy ways and fears.
I just loved the days
We spent together.
Is that a crime?
I dont want it to go away.
Please dont go astray....

Am i being obsessed?
Or do I care so much
That im losing my ******* mind.
Are these feelings valid?
Or am I kidding myself.
And killing time with sorrow.
I guess some things never change.
Them before me. Her before me.
Whatever makes their day.
Im probably better off alone.
"Love yourself" they always say.
Love yourself, fight another day.

And I end up crying myself to tears.
For stupid reasons I can't control.
Only because I am vulnerable.
I just feel that I've pushed you away.
With my clingy ways and fears.
I just loved the days
We spent together.
Is that a crime?
I dont want it to go away.
Please dont go astray....

I love you.
Please...
Dont go astray....