Say it like it is sweetheart,
be the whipping heat of
your own sandstorm.

Take a deep breath
and let the lies scrape your skin raw,
from the inside out,
just like his mouth,
at the nape of your blistered neck.

Tie the string of black cherry stems
with a skillful tongue,
and bound wrists,
staining your ****** dress
with the hungry fingerprints
of a boy who did not deserve
Your first kiss

Lie awake with a whispered prayer
choking the night air
and realize that even if the omnipotent man upstairs
can turn the other cheek
that you are far from forgiving
your own mistakes.

Forget what they tell you
About being a masterpiece
You are not art

You are not stagnate beauty,
Nor were you created for the pleasure of others

You were not meant to be marveled at
by the simple minded
Or ridiculed for your every flaw

You are not art

You are wind
Sending chills through the bones
of those in your presence

You are fire
Spitting embers with a coal-coated tongue

You are water
A bubbling stream of euphoric laughter

No, you are not art
You are so much more

It was once a hand held out to you
leaking venom and broken promises
he smiled, said "Take it"
I can take care of you

Did you believe it
even when your wrists dripped
the color of your own self-destruction?

When Be Mine
became less edible ink
on Valentine candy
and more invisible shackles
disguised as the bangles
he tightened around you
to hide the scars.

When You are so easy to manipulate
started sounding like,
"You are so easy to love"

and you let the words morph into something beautiful,
because you so badly wanted to believe in the lie.

When you begin to tell yourself
that He never hit me
was the same as He never hurt me

And you start to wonder how
He broke you so gently.

Ten,
He casts his eyes down quickly,
but not before you catch
the soft liquid-gold
turn to solid ice.

Nine,
Taste the bitter apology on
your quivering lip.
Bite down.
Let it bleed.
Just don't let him see you
fall apart.

Eight,
Pick up a book
and feign indifference,
while he does the same.
Do not cry.
Do not speak.
Do not let him see
how much he is hurting you.

Seven,
glance up at him,
and try to catch his eye.
Wonder for the hundredth time
what you did wrong.

Six,
Hang up
When you begin to dig
your nails into the flesh of your hands.
Find the old orange lighter
you save for birthday candles.
Let the flames lick across your skin in brilliant color.
Anything to stay warm.

Five,
Count the seconds by the chattering of your teeth.
Wrap your frail arms around your trembling torso.

Four,
Stare back at the tear-streaked face in the mirror.
Hypnotized by blood shot eyes
and scorched veins.

Three,
Grip the dull blade,
in your mangled hand.
Paint poetry
in scarlet ink.
Between pieces of broken skin.

Two,
Squirm at the discomfort
of lacerated wrists.
Feel the hatred metastasize,
for every place he looked at you
in disgust.

One,
Remember the time
you told him
you hate the cold.

I step a little too close to the edge
Ignore the blaring horns
and the memory of your lectures.
Because maybe today
I want to be a little reckless

Ponder over the uncontrollable.
My fertility
My instability
I can easily be replaced if I don't work
The way you want me to

Take your health in your hands.
Your  curves are sweet,
but they won't be attractive in bed.
So I'll cut the calories today
and have you spoon feed me
My flaws.

I need you to tell me
what I did wrong
So dig up every gnawing fear of mine
and give it life inside
my shrinking shell

Squeeze me
Just a little too tight
and tell me:

"Hold your head up high babe"

*but just don't forget
who owns you

His hands brushed across the open air. He sighed, letting his lungs fill with the night.

"The earth will be my canvas, so long as the sky is eternal."

And so he fell into the darkness,
Until he became a cluster of stars.
The masterpiece he sought.

If you touch me, I may

Shatter

The wind can knock me down

Your words will tear my

Flesh

Yet I won't make a sound

So darling, caress me

Gently

and beware of broken skin

For the pieces that you see
are where you must begin

The comforting warmth of the midday heat
thawing frost of long dreary winters
Sleeping lazily atop the familiar friction of sand
glistening against the reflection of the waters light

Though now

the pounding rays and sweltering sun
leave us gasping on the roads narrow edge

The evening lights thrumming
with the lively beat of late night walkers
who have fallen off the face of the Earth

Silencing the euphoric rhythm



Spluttering hearts in irregular thumps
stealing secret moments in the shadow of the swaying palm trees
electricity buzzing through salty air

Now gazes no longer linger
and sweet words turn into limp and lifeless love


The ecstasy of jarring metal as it makes its plunge

D
    o
       w
            n
                h
                    i
                       l
                          l


Cold metal seeping through bare skin
adrenaline blurring my vision

Dizziness dissolves like liquid
Consuming me with feelings of

                                          *Disdain

I kissed you at the waters edge
You painted blue upon my flesh

I took your toxic hands in mine
Drank your poison every time

Drag me down, don't let me breath
Fill my lungs so I can't leave

Your love is sharp, a pointed blade
Scarlet scars, not fast to fade

His eyes were like honey
She yearned for something sweet

I felt our hearts beat together in rapid unison.
Our hands,
his hot and mine cold
Wrapped together
Fingers interlinked
Woven tightly
As if we were afraid
Of coming undone.

He didn't like the flowers
that sprouted beneath my collarbone.

He hated the red oak
and the fruit that I'd grown.

So I plucked every petal,
brought sheers to my throat
No longer my haven,
I was a garden of smoke.

Now he holds my wilted pieces
with a face of disgust
and decides an empty garden
is just too much fuss.

I pray to God that karma is real
and that you feel

Every single thing you've done to me.
Ten fold.


*Amen

Little girl with moonlit hair
How do you stay soft
With all the scars that you bare?

She smiled knowingly,
"These marks will soon fade"
But they'll never forget
the love that I gave

Love your skin
Laced with scars
Forgive your bruises and kiss every mark
Be gentle when they start to heal
Like rain after drought
Let yourself feel

Scream*
Cry
Cut
Starve
Binge
Purge

Any other pain will do

I didn't want to be
like my mother's, mother

The one who took the slaps in silence
wore the bruises like tattoos

Swallowed the bitter medicine
of her husbands unfaithful affairs

I didn't want to be
the obedient housewife

the one that carried fear and love in her apron
and often got the two confused  

I didn't want to end up that way
Cutting a smile onto my face

stitching each apology into my skin
to keep count

*I didn't want to end up this way

She lay atop hills of green
Watching strings of soft silk
Behind sun kissed lids

That's how he found her;
With violets entwined through ebony locks
Giggling at her first real taste of freedom

I hope you are in my next life,
And the one after that
Because even when we are different beings,
With different names
And different features
You will always be my favourite soul.

I'm terrified
to get up again

The floor
is so much
*safer

He says I am colourless and uncaring.
A fleeting passage, dog-eared and left upon the mounting dust of a bookshelf. He says he will re-visit me later. That he will always savour the taste of my words as they settle sweetly upon chapped lips. But when blood blossoms upon my torn pages and stories are lost beneath scarlet ink. Still, he does not come back to see me.

I learned from autumn leaves
to let go without fear

That there is something painfully beautiful
in falling apart

And if I were to accept the things
I could not control

The wind has promised
to carry me there gently.

She sealed her fate in a written word
Singing of a poets undying love
He laughed,
And ran his fingers across their blue-inked stories
Enjoying the gift of his beloved writer.

I think I knew
You were the one
When I bowed my head in prayer
And you were the only name
I wanted God to hear.

He said he liked Red

I prefer Green

We clashed in more ways than one

Do not let the faces fool you.
Every bump in the night,
May be the cruel figments of your mind
Hoping to ignite the illusion
of utter insanity.

Do not for one second
Believe in the spine-chilling moans
that seem to leak from every unsightly crevice
of your disfigured thoughts.  

Do not allow yourself
To slip from the serrated edge of sanity,
Even for a fleeting moment.
For the comfort is short-lived,
And the ***** is endless.

Do not stare too long
At the scorched bodies of men,
Contorted into the soot covered demons
That will unfailingly materialize
In your loneliness.

Do not take the threats,
Which echo in the
Impenetrable darkness,
lightly.
They are the fabrication
of your own self destruction.

Do not think
They won’t bury you alive,
Every chance they get.
Leaving the decaying scent
of wilting roses atop the mounds of dirt.
Where they will scrawl your name in haste
across a grimy tombstone.

Do net let
The voices sway you into madness.
For they will play your vulnerability
with the fingers of a skilled harpist.
Leaving you so intoxicated
with the sweet melody
that you will believe you asked for
your own demise.


Do not forget the flimsy nature
of your deteriorating mind,
when appealing whispers
begin to ring in your ears.
They are merely hoping
to glimpse your downfall.


Remember,
not to let them get the best of you.
that if you find anything salvageable
In the chaos inside your head,
or the tsunami inside your heart.
Grasp onto the little beam of hope,
and begin putting yourself
back together.