It's raining outside.
My feathered friends are having fun,
Singing in the rain.

Dear heart,

Why is it that you
always seek the unknown?

I don't have a
dream girl
what I want
is a person
who communicates
with me
because my last
relationship
disintegrated because
of lack thereof.

Oral **** joke is that I wanted to come over
The oral **** joke is his bed that I agreed to lay in
The oral **** joke is I was the one who wanted to make out
The oral **** joke is whatever we call it was finished
My mind filled with guilt
It takes a society to tell a **** joke
The oral **** joke is his neck that I shouldn't have kissed
The oral **** joke is this has happened before with someone else
The oral **** joke is I am still friends with that someone else
The oral **** joke is that I never broke up with the second guy
The oral **** joke is that even with my mind filled with guilt
And my stomach turning with sickness
I still wanted him forever
The oral **** joke is I should have pushed him off
**** jokes make me wanna just die
The oral **** joke is he got to break up with me the night after
The oral **** joke is he got to start dating another girl
The oral **** joke is he didn't have to feel the guilt
The oral **** joke is he's happy
The oral **** joke is because I didn't leave I'm not allowed to be traumatized from it
The oral **** joke is because I talk about it like it was nothing
I must have wanted to do it
Of course I don't cry myself to sleep at night thinking about it or anything
No I totally didn't hurt myself over it or anything
The oral **** joke is I should have went home
The oral **** joke is I'm the one who kept kissing him even tho he kept trying to do something I was not comfortable with
The oral **** joke is the questions
Why didn't I say no louder?
And why didn't I say no more clearly?
Even tho I said it 5 times
I should have said it again
The oral **** joke is when I got home I acted like it never happened
The oral **** joke is that it was my fault
The oral **** joke is I didn't leave him

In the sunlight of Washington park
I write
Gold flicks and reflects
along my hair
My skin hot from rays
of warmth
over a prolonged moment
of peace

dark blue
wisps of white
endless rolls
on the way down south
deep mounds meet
the land to the sky
stars sparkle
such silence
wind blows

I feel her spirit in the air
I see her in the light reflected against the trees
In the curvature of the shadow of a leaf
The wind I breathe carries her into me
Now a part of everything

The sky is crying
Gentle tears
While a song of sorrow
Sorrow and yearning
Sings from my spirit