hurting today from the pain caused yesterday

A volt or amperage an ampule injected not grounded
a spasm or epiphany a reckoning
encompasses
I melt voltaically into
warmth and jolt
concurrently metered
by hair standing on ends
legs arms nethers
convulsing
like two phased
polarity
not grounded!
I short out,
positively!

i'm asking you
to punch me in the face
because i'm sure
it would hurt less than this

When I read a book
I feel as if I am falling down a rabbit hole
letting the book **** me in
taking me to my personal wonderland
a place I wish to never return from
because reality is too painful to withstand

sometimes i lie awake
listening to the fast pace
of your heart beat through the sheets

Die it black, DIE it black, DIE IT BLACK
they say...
Because if you die it white the blood WILL stain
Besides it's not that inhumane, they're disposable anyway.
Like a black trash bag consumed with garbage
One purpose, one dark excuse to attack.
They're murderers, thugs and robbers
and if we just disregard them they'll never stop in their tracks.
So in order to maintain #AllLivesMatter
we'll destroy each and everyone of these hoodlums
until this violently painted black comm(UNITY) shatters.
And as each broken piece falls to the ground
we'll fall to our knees in awe of the gleaming white crown

So dust it off and D.I.E. THEM BLACK
for everything that you thought you stood for
is falling though the cracks.

For this one toned American hell hole can't get any worse if we D.I.E it BLACK
...and put humanity first.

Tiny piercing rain drops
all around. I'm ok. Live not
regretful, but brave --

Every night I look up to the stars and pray
That they'll forgive me for the tears I cried that day.
And ask for the pain to be taken away.
If he saw me I wonder what he'd say...

He says he really does love me
That I am the only one he wants to see.
But in our relationship there is no honesty.
But in the end...who will I be?