At age 8* my teacher would ask me what I wanted to be when I grow up, so I told her a fashion model.
She laughed and wrote it on the board.

At age 9 I wanted to be a doctor along with half of my class.

At age 10 I wanted to be a teacher, they all told me it takes a lot of education and I would have to work hard in order to get there.

at age 11 I wanted to be an artist, they told me to pick something more realistic so I said a singer.
They said to stop playing games and choose a job.

at age 12 I was pretty hooked on the idea of a singer, so I sang
And I sang
And I sang
Until I believed that I was good enough to be famous.

at age 13 I was so confident about my singing
Until I heard their voices.
Most of the girls in my choir were reaching the high notes and their tones were so clear.
I gave up on that dream.
I knew I wouldn't be like them.
So I began poetry.
This was the year I wrote my first poem "nobody cares".
I showed it to a few really close friends and my sister.
They said it was really good, it got them emotionally and that was what I was aiming for.
At first the poem was about 2 pages long but I cut it shorter every time I showed it people because they told me what parts didn't make sense to them.
I took it as a way to improve my poem.
So then I started posting it on quotev, and tumblr, and now hellopoetry.
I wasn't expecting anybody to like it.
I continued poetry and now it comes to me so easily, I can write poems like I'm writing my own name.

at age 14 I told my teacher I wanted to be a poet and he told me that
"I needed to improve"
At age 14 I didn't know what I wanted to be.
Nothing was good enough
Nothing was realistic enough
Nobody gave me enough support to go with my dreams.
At age 14 I decided that I wanted multiple jobs.
I still haven't told anyone because I already know what they're going to say.

2 year's ago
Hey God, it's just me.
I'm trying to reach out to you again.
Why don't you ever talk to me?
The people at my church say that they hear your voice in their times of need.
Well here I am sitting behind a closed door because I can't face anyone with tears in my eyes; but I'm reaching out to YOU...And you still don't answer my prayers.

1 year ago
Things seem to be getting worst, but I'm trying to look on the bright side;
I know you will make things better over time....right?
That's what others are telling me.

3 months ago
Actually, when I think about it; you've never answered any of my prayers
You never stoped the bullying, I did.
You didn't get rid of my mom's tumor, it's still there.
You couldn't get me through my problems because you never answered me.
I'm trying, im REALLY trying to believe in you right now but your not giving me any proof..
All I need is one, just one prayer to come true
Then I will know I haven't been relying on nothing.

last night**
No? Nothing? Really?
So now it's up to me to make things better,
Here's goodbye to the higher power that Is known as our Lord and savior.
I just want to know why.
Why when I have no proof of you, I still try?
still try and talk to you, to believe in you?
Why am I even writing this?
Is it that you actually don't exist or that your ignoring me?