i'm tired

you're city lights and waving flags
cheerful laughs and matching footsteps
and i swear the blinking lights almost,
almost made me feel august

you're early morning rush,
blacks around my eyes
lowered gaze, silent greetings
made you lose your augustness

and august, i'm tired
you're soaking me
and the idealist inside of me says
"don't leave before i'm alright"

i'm hopelessly hopeful

i once dreamt of shooting your plane down
and woke up feeling everything right

your laugh begged me for forgiveness
and i struggled to mention that i was glad to have you gone

it's 5 in the morning
you were never the one who keeps me going
but ask me who on earth i turn my head left for,
and wake up next morning feeling everything right

it's 2 in the afternoon and i struggle to see photons bouncing from your lips

wearing light armor of bravery,
turning left was a decision i made
and maybe this war never meant too much
or it was never a war

but i swear i knew,
you were just hopeless enough

a lot changed since your seventeenth birthday
when you received a brighter smile as a present
after bearing a void for a couple of years

it was a rebound
you jumped back at life
brighter than you ever were

a lot changed since your seventeenth birthday
when you received a fix for your flaws
after being incomplete for a couple of years

but you were more divine
with your inch-long flaw
and i was so in love
with your humble divinity

you live in a place in me
that no one dares to touch
not even myself
especially myself

you leave a hole the size of your feet
every time i ask you to leave

this is an(other) act of blackmailing myself
because whenever i ask around
for help to cover the hole somehow
they always answer the same thing

*sorry honey,
that is not my shoe size