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 Jan 2015 David W Clare
Dreamer
I always wanted to be that girl, the girl with the long locks with tips that curled, locks that tumbled down her shoulders in a sea of strawberry blonde. That girl who had a shock of Caribbean blue eyes, and you could get lost staring into them. Her face was the equal of any storybook princess. I always wanted to be that girl who sauntered down the hall with all eyes on her, her fragrant of zest and lemons pervading the room. The girl all of the guys chased after, and stood in that same invidious position that aroused envy in the coveting eyes of others. The report card brought home was a chain of straight A’s and her parent’s never had disappointment scrawled across their beaming faces (so unlike mine). She wore her smile like she wore bracelets on her wrist and gained the adoration of teachers since second grade. Oh, how I wish I was that girl. How I wish I was just like her.
But no, reality defeated me. I was always the kid who sat in the very back of the class, her head swimming with thoughts that could never be true. I walked alone, among a whole ’nother world that belonged of my own. I sat at my desk, eyes staring out blankly with one hand under my chin, and was soon lost in a sea of my own imagination. My innocence was palpable, evident in every move; all I thought about was the marvels of the wondrous possibilities. A tall chair that manifested out of thin air, I kindly took a seat and surveyed everything that traversed across keen eyes. The world beamed radiantly upon me and everybody would soon know the  covert talents I obtain. Nobody knew my fervor in the arts, nor were they aware of my sumptuous world. All I’ve ever been was the ‘quiet girl in the back’, but they don’t know the thoughts that swam in my mind.
Friends tell me ‘Get your oblivious head out of that world and into the stupid game called reality.’ Mom says, ‘You can’t find your socks in the sock drawer.’ Lil’ Bro goes, ‘You didn’t save me that cookie!’ Then Dad hollers, ‘Alice Wake Up!’ every morning.
I was never the perfect daughter, ideal sister, teacher’s pet, and I wake up late on mornings but I’m still testing out my wings and one day I’ll be able to fly. I’ll make sure of it. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m working on it and someday I’ll exceed her, being the closest thing to perfection you can get. I need to stop saying ‘one day’ and start saying ‘I will.’
I’m not who y’all think I am; just some crazy girl with a crazy imagination. Dreaming is your first baby step, and if you can’t dream, where else can you begin? Still, I wonder when my innocence will be shattered; maybe it already has. Until then, I’m still endeavoring to become just like her.
(Written in 8th grade)
If I text you I may miss you a little less cos **** I can't concentrate. And I'm not being moderate or cheesy. I'm being completely honest. You've corrupted every single thought in my mind to just you... Before I sleep you're what I think about and when I wake up, your face pops up in my mind. After studying, my mind quickly disperses searching for memories that we share. I feel the need to hear your voice, your laugher and most importantly see your smile. I can't help but count the days I have till I see you right now its 7 days, a week from now I get to see you, to hold you in my arms. I hate having feelings like these towards someone because I don't know how to handle them and with you around Its not like I can contain them properly. You hear me use words such as 'I  Love you' and 'you're awesome' and I bet you think that's what friends say  its no big deal although it seems like that to me its much more than that. Its more of a commitment. You're amazing to my heart and soul and I guess you should know that.
Its weird feeling like this.
Its so strange and foreign to my heart.
You got me power tripping.
Mind switching.
In a phase.
Lost in a maze.
My hearts a haze.
Woop!

You got my heart drowning.
Lips frowning.
Mind pounding.
Woop!

You left me in a world caught.
star struck, I'm in love punk.
I felt like I just hit a slam dunk.
Till I saw you with them, then my heart sunk.

****...
I thought I hit it real good tonight.
Thought what we had was beyond right.
I guess I was wrong, I lost the fight.
I got to walk away this ain't a good sight.  
This is real pain, I can't see the light.

I can't believe this.
Loving you was my greatest habit.
My hearts clenched, goddamit!
I lost my rabbit.
Weird poem though
I read a book last night.
About a girl named Rhea,
Who put up a great fight.
But she lost either way.
And then I thought to myself.

"Wow her name is my name just that she has an H and I don't, but her name is my name.
Our personalities are the same.
Her pain was mine just that hers was more defined.
Entangled with horrendous secrets.
Its like our pain was intertwined"

I thought so much about this fictional character. She made me cry and then further broke my heart.
It then hit me.

"That girl is me"
'I never meant to hurt you'

The last words that echoed from her letter.

'I Love you'

Her words lingered in my mind.

'Bang Bang!'

The sound stained my heart.

Send me your suicidal letter and lead me to self harm.

But to commit the crime infront of me, lead me to an asylum
We danced all night,
Moving our bodies with the beat,
Your warm body radiating into mine as you touched me,
Your warm breath on my neck sending chills down my spine...
I don't know what you did to me but I was up in cloud 9.

Each touch, Each smile, Each laugh, everything we did last night was perfect.
I swear that It was a moment to remember. Smiles and laughter radiated from that sensual voice swear I felt my heart melt.
I saw him drowning in tears,
Crying out that his fears exist.
Curled up in a corner rocking himself back and forth.

"What did she do to you", I frowned.

'She broke my heart and still I Love her. Does that make me weird? My heart aches for her, My body cries to hold her in my arms, to do something or watch her smile. I miss her green blue eyes that would pierce through me. I miss her exceptional smile and the sound of her laugh. She's a monster, A very Beautiful monster. I need her. She's the cause of all this pain. I can't seem to forget her, I want to hate her but the more I try the more I fall in love with her'

He stops and starts rocking himself back and forth singing.
"Twinkle twinkle little star"
"How I wonder what you are"
"up above the world so high"
"She made me fall from cloud nine".

Another friend lost to an asylum.
When Am I next?
Round 1:
MIND " You can't be doing this to me again. Falling for another person, a person who's not worth it. You may think the heart has healed but I swear every inch of this Body Hasn't, I'm tired of these tears of the cries really its ******* me over, I don't have the strength to numb your heart once you decide to do this again, for once follow me, please"

THE HEART
" No matter what happens if you follow the mind you'll be hurting knowing they aren't yours and they could never be"

Round 2:
Mind: "Allow me to remind you of what last happened. At night you cried yourself to sleep or drugged yourself. You woke up and your surroundings were dark. You slacked off your studies and resorted to drink your **** away. Remember when mummy first caught you? Remember the look of pain and fear that she gave you? You became what haunted her most nights."

Heart: "I'm sorry. I'm hurting you but what can I do? If I push these emotions away then I'm just hurting you more. I don't know what you want me to do"

Round 3
Mind: "I'm done fighting. What the heart wants is what it gets. I'm tired and still in shock from the last event. What makes you so sure we'll survive the next one?"

Heart: " Life consists of pain. Can we just enjoy the sweet moment before they turn sour?"

Conclusion:...
I want to use all the alterations, Personifications in the world to impress you.
I want to drive you insane with the oxymorons, the metaphors and the similes.
I want to use coliqual words so that I can make you think I'm extremely smart.
When really in reality I'm just average.
I want to use euphemism and lititoes to really make you think I'm that good with words.
When really in reality I have writers block yet I want to capture your attention.
I want to write an iambic tetrameter with the rhyme scheme ABAB so that you notice some part of me in my writing.
I want my words to ****** with your mind so that some part of you thinks about me...
But I have writers block, There's not much I can do to grab your attention.
If only my mind wasn't blank... brrrrrrr
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