escaping from wherever i am currently is always in my best interest
i am looking for means and venues and opportunities to distract myself
whether it's
boys
video games
youtube
***
running through abandoned girlscout camps in the middle of the night
drinking until my bed feels like an ocean, trying to expel me
i will do it
i will use it
i will bring myself to lows i said i'd never return to
just to make sure you're there
in the background
available to take me away

which sometimes means rough fingers i never asked for
or drunk nights dancing in cages with friends i'll never forget
or walking down winter sidewalks in the middle of the night
or sitting by canals that happy older couples powerwalk along
while my mind tries to run away from a school i never wanted
...trying to make you care if i live or not

every night my parents screamed
every moment god made me feel disgusting
every girl that watched food go from my fork to my mouth
the two men that put their own pleasure above my sanity...

i escape you
through just as evil means
but it is the only way
i know how

I am lost in the forest
        Of your hair,
You sleep as the dream awakens,
        Darkness turns to light

The sun dawns over you,
               Over me,
   The day gives birth to us.

Twenty years ago, i saw you yesterday.
The memories of you linger and
refuse to go away.
From the moment our eyes met
Until the minute our lips would part.
I knew that you'd be the life and death
of me and my heart.
I did not realize my existence in purgatory
would last so long.
I thought I could move on...I guess i was wrong.
So I'll just stay here until I am put
in the ground... Into that void of silence
where I'll cry without sound.

I've got an ache
Deep in my chest
I can't seem to stop the bleeding
From my veins
Their pouring out my secrets
Telling the world all my mistakes
I've got a death wish
With my name on it
Maybe I wished it myself
Maybe I didn't

Putting up walls
makes a house
a home

Until you find homes
inside people
and people
make homes
out of you...