Trying my best. Just isn't enough. Mental disease has got me all ****** up paranoia controlling my mind twists and turns make corners blind hat you say is life's intent to beat you up and leave you bent. Mistakes you make will never end so you go on living life trying to mend. Lessons learned the first time like your eye with a little squeak size of lime. But lessons learned over and over   ******* your brain like a hover now what to do live life healing you or me is that what makes me free from this disease oh please.... Help me

Outside I look at trees,
I wonder what happened to all of the green I knew.
Look what mother nature's style has come to.
Browns like the dirt it'll rot to.
Reds like a blood of her changing veins.
Yellows like little suns it'll miss soon.
What if all the leaves had their own names.
Would we grow fond or grow indifferent all the same?
Diaries full of memories  that differ from what's current.
All made to make the present last, just to preserve it.
Crawling back like you,
nostalgic of all the things we used to have time to do.
Skies white and blue,
just like us, just changing and forever new

The drone of voices
surround me
controlled chaos
manipulated mayhem
confusion raises
his warty head
as we all
scramble ahead.
Chuckling, chatting
talking and mocking
this office, these people
this here my strife.
I can't wait
for this to be over
I cannot wait
for the silence.

If you ever travel under rain dotted blue
stop at the ten mile haat.

Sellers there are not smart
buyers don't ever bargain
strange is their dealing art
both parties feel having gained.

Small is all they have
except the smiles on the face
the little the garden has saved
is sold to fetch happiness.

There's no haggling on price
never mind if you don't buy
no price is needed to be nice
peace is just an easy try.

Small men with not much of need
who easily make you their part
an island that lies far from greed
enchants you wins your heart.

And it's not a story that I make
I happen to be there once a while
return with a bag of big take
from the village haat at ten mile.

Soft kisses
           Against
                   hesitant lips
Turns quickly too
              Hair pulling
                    *followed by 'i'm sorry'
then-suddenly it was love
             And I had no idea-how
                         too escape 'it'
but ****-painted, panted promises
            Are useless during
                        day lit seconds
Do not leave me beggin' for more
                 I could have destroyed you
      *instead, for you. I came - undone

I am not your silver medal
I am not a runner up to him
Don't call me because you're lonely
I am facing this alone too
And nothing you say
Is going to make me feel like anything less
Than your conciliation prize
Because another girl won his heart
And I am still available
This is not a race
It is a fight
But no one wins
When punches are exchanged
Still, the conflict continues
Bobbing and weaving
Avoiding the obvious
Clinging to each other
Reaching for that title
My heart is a heavyweight
But no gleaming belt you promise
Can support that
Let's drop the gloves
I deserve to be put first
And so do you