Thursday nights,
Here we are alone, together again.
How I often I looked at the moon and stars and thought of you
**** me up life, my heart was broken.
The absolutely clear I don’t want you and not tonight
Yet,
Here you are in my head.
******* and the thoughts of you.

how cumbersome my love has become
you bare it with your powdered teeth
and your nonchalant wishes
the weight of my unrest too burdensome not to bear
take my glass heart and dig the foundations of your life

charisma wasn't enough to pull her from this ledge
she wailed at the sun
how dare the universe poke fun at her
how dare that perfect alignment of stars
eventually break apart
and point towards the north
that was not her future anymore

I need you.  
But more so I want you.  
I want all of you.  
I want your body and I want your mind and I want your hand in mine and I want all those ****** up parts of yourself you may not like.  
I want to explore your body like a map and uncover the pieces of you you thought were lost.

here we stand again
at the precipice of our indifference
i wont stand on this ledge anymore with you
i wont cling to the idea of a future
i am tired of waiting for the wind to kick up my dandelion wishes
and give me more than this delicate balance of tears and smiles and being alone together
this ghost of what we could have been follows me from room to room
heavy atmospheres and wilted ambiance whisper at us
all my words they fall on your dead ears
they fall and shatter forever embedding shards of ourselves in each other
each step another sharp reminder of that almost perfect future
dust off my smile and maybe i will give that to you
and you can break it along with all the other pieces of me you blew from the palm of your hand into the wind.

the sunshine carries away those last remnants of you
motes of dust filled with you ride sunbeams out my windows
will i ever see you again
i can still taste you on my lips and in my mouth
i can still feel your hand on my knee as we tried to not die
we should have taken all that love and buried it
buried it in the ground along with our hopes and dreams
we should have never smiled those smiles
and laugh those laughs

we should never have...

all these tiny signs i choose to ignore
id rather die that see whats standing right in front of me
i wish the truth would stop shouting in my face
i cant cover my ears anymore
i cant cover my eyes anymore

i just cant

so much time has passed since our last kiss
tears to fill empty swimming pools
i will never stop loving you
these are the longest hours of my life

why dont you just bury me in this sand
throw your discourse over me
throw your shame and your blame and all
the things you thought you liked about me

today could be the day i give my heart away
i could throw it off the roof and hope it floats to you

the boy on the moon
well he might as well be
take england and shove it up your ***
i hate your english accent and your stupid long hair
and the fact that you left me here
that smile that you left me with
has turned into lava tears
insignificunt
i look at this moon
fairy delusions
are you looking for me too

thats all we ever are and ever will be

almost

just a series of almost interactions

almost together
almost beautiful

almost whole

you are my galaxy
you are my sun
you are the stars i use to navigate this night
you are the beautiful planets
you are my zodiac
my orion and my moon

the spaces between my ribs
ive reserved for you
please fill them with love
and bind me with your glue

the glue you made from blood
of past girls you robbed
when you promised them the world
and left them dislodged

the powder of my bones
chalked into the earth
writing your name in greys and whites
and weighing up our worth

now im just a shell
writing words to ghosts
these words that no one seems to hear
im your lifeless loveless hoax

...

planting seeds of us
i watered them with my tears
your reassurances fell on my deaf ears
and look at us now
miles and miles apart
all these weeds growing from my heart
poisoning all the good that's left
now nothing can grow
or flourish
and im wilted
and
alone

let's meet in the park
and we can go from there
i'll wear my best dress
and a flower in my hair

you are the words i want to hear

the air i want to fill my lungs

the voice i wish i had,

the fear that fills me

could fill an ocean

it fills all the parts of me

the parts that are gone,

filling the spaces you left

with mud and blood and tears

how could we have know it

would be like this.

the days turn into weeks

and like the autumn leaves

i fall softly to the floor.

floating down the ripples of air

created when you walked way.

time winds down

and im left alone

to face the emptiness,

the gaps in me

will stay empty

while i try in vain

to replace all of me.

empty pieces of us
lay scattered on the floor
i pick them up day by day
and each hour it seems there are more

i fill the holes that are us
with everything i can find
bits and pieces of me mostly
and still the gaps seems like miles

how have we become this canyon
almost impossible to cross
sitting next to each other and feeling completely alone
when did i become not enough

this hollow look in your eyes
that your seem so satisfied
i dont understand
how are you not dying inside

blurred together me and you
these lines we have crossed
and now we cant erase them
now without you ...i am lost

i'll leave my mark
follow me please
spots upon tshirts and sleeves
wont wash out
slowly will fade
all these breadcrumbs i have made
words instead actions
again my silent ploy
breadcrumbs made from blood you stupid boy

tonight i will lick the lenses of your eyes
all the things you've seen transferred into my life
all those sins you hide from me
ill cut them from you

bit by bit you'll be mine
perfect and complete
the guilt of all you ***** ways
washed down the drain

you look at me
glossy blue
ill dress you in your finest gown
love has never felt this good

although you are very quite
i know you feel the same
ill cut the sins from you
again and again.............

please
its not that hard
look this way
say my name
pretend im real

please
help me breathe
its not easy
ive become incomplete

please
cleanse my wounds
blood bled maroon
please

please
leave my thoughts
let me sleep
let me be!

please
i cant continue
you are everywhere
and everything to me.

done,
but here,
kind off everywhere.
like mist. like pain.
none,
but there,
off towards the hemisphere,
like blood. like rain.

over this disembodied full of nothing.
over this feeling of being too full of empty.
please shake the empty from my wounds.
make the invisible stop.