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 Jan 2013 Damaged
pixels
no one knows pain
like
the ones
who
curse their beloveds
and
bleed their heart
dry


like
the ones
who
watch blood bubble up
from wounds
self-made

the ones
who
fill themselves up
just
to empty it all
in a bathroom stall

the ones
who
refuse their meals
and
live for the scale
because
numbers
don't leave

the crying poet
the bleeding cutter
the vomiting bulimic
the starving anorexic
the lost
the empty
the lonely
the unloved

the ones
who
love too much
and
not enough

no one knows pain
like
humans know pain
 Jan 2013 Damaged
Mariah Fairre
How does it feel.

How does it feel? Drowning?

A shocking force drives you deep deep under the change of matter and all around you the weight of the world is pushing you challenging you harnessing its unknowable might to break you until you don’t know which way is down

A numb and detached piece of you realizes it does not matter

And as the pressure drives through you your lungs begin to ache and your frantic heart is madly pounding airless blood through your swollen veins and you realize that you need air

But you know there is no air to be had

Desperation screams and the invisible noise hammers on the eardrums that were already broken and unconsciously seeing the inevitable end to this horror your body painfully forces you to pull in the toxic killer that surrounds you knowing the result and your decaying lungs are filled with ice

And then it changes

The hurt is still there and distantly you know you feel it you know you are still dying and if you are brave you know one small fiber of you is screaming and fighting because it is not ready to give up

But you are ready to give up

You are heavy and tired and the refreshing freeze of the water erases the burn of the memory of pain

Your brain is dead your heart is stone

preserved in its bleeding state

A heavy white sheet falls upon you and you are numb

You know you are dying

it is slower than you expected and

even on the reapers door you appreciate the irony

seconds are passing

and you know your very last

is approaching soon

and just before the

water turns black

you see

his face

his smile

his heart

and gladly you welcome the release.



How does it feel? Drowning?


I’ve never drowned. But I think it feels like this.
 Jan 2013 Damaged
Leah Rae
Suicide.
 Jan 2013 Damaged
Leah Rae
They Are Lost Love Letters. Written & Sculpted, Imprinted On The Palms Of Praying Children.

They Are Hauntingly Beautiful.

They Are The Silence Of The Storm, They Are The Emptiness Of Shallow Graves.

All She Left Was “I'm Sorry” On The Bathroom Mirror In Red Lipstick, She's Said It So Many Times Her Body Is Now Bent Into A Permanent Benediction Of Regret.

He Wrote Five Drafts Of His Suicide Note Crossed Every T, Dotted Every I.

Now They Wear Self Inflicted Scars, Like Road Maps To Their Own Insanity.

It Was Her Palm Across The Diner Table At 3am. Her Skin Like Rose Petals Pressed In Submission, Smiling, Teeth Pulled Taunt Across Her Chapped Lips, Smiling, Telling Me She Hasn't Eaten In Three Days, Says The Sounds Of Her Body Eating Her Alive Helps Her Sleep At Night.

His Eyes, Angry And Blue, Told Me He Put A Down Payment On His Coffin Today. He'd Been Saving His Pennies For Five Years Now, Don't Tell Me This Wasn't Premeditated.

It Was The Way Her Body Vibrated Aching In Every Joint, Throbbing, Screaming Into Herself So Loudly Her Palms Shook. On The Way To Work In The Morning, Says Sometimes She Can Hear The Wind Whispering To Step In Front Of That Train, Says She Can Lick Her Lips And Taste Heaven.

The Way He Wore A Crooked Half Smile, Pouring GunShot After Gunshot Down His Throat. The Sting Reminded Him Of Wintertime In The Midwest, Told Me Could Feel The Tubes Clawing Their Way Down His Throat. Someday He'll Met A Heart Monitor With The Guts To Tell His Mother Sorry For Him, Because He Never Could.

She Filled Her Bathtub With Ice, She Fantasizes About The Layers Of Flesh Shes Been Suffocating In For So Long, Finally Being Numb.

The Way He Begged The Stars To Call Him Home, Closed His Eyes, As His Right Foot Craved The Gas Pedal, Screaming Through This Red Light, So He Can Finally Come Face To Face With The Angry God So Many People Pray To.

She Wanted To Trace The Lineage Of Her Family Tree Deep Into Her Veins, Up The Length Of Her Riverbed Skin, Until She Can Kiss The Underside Of Her Own Touch.

In The Early Hours Of The Morning, He Finds Himself Crawling On Bruised Hands & Scraped Knees, Cradled Against Train Tracks, He Liked The Constant Thunder In His Ribcage, The Promise Of Something So Much Bigger Than Him Dwelling Inside The Body He Has Been Calling Home.

She Wanted To Wrap The Tether Of Regret Around Her Throat, Ring Her Lungs Breathless, Tighter, Tighter, Until The Time Between The Rise And Fall Of Her Chest Felt Like Centuries.

He Stood Face To Face With A Motionless Sky, A Shade Of Grey So Empty He Could Feel It Ache Inside Of Him. It Begged Him To Step Forward, Just Inches, The Call Of The Void, Bridge Jumper, Harlequin Lost Lover, So Close, So Close.

She Held The Barrel Of Life Between Her Lips, A Fine Line Between Here And There. Shes Walking A Boundary Built In Her Blood. It Doesn't Hurt Yet. A Trigger Happy Hand, Palms Sweating, Shes Counting Down In Her Head, 3, 2, 1,

He's Got “Wide Awake” Written All Over Him, The Bottle Says Take One, But He's Got 53 In The Palm Of His Hand, She's Got Gasoline Seeping Into Her Skin, The Smell Of Smoke Has Never Been This Strong.

They've Been Journaling Their Lives Deep Into Leather-bound Notebooks For Someone To Remember, They've Swallowed Their Own Self Pity, Call It Poison.

She  Never Knew I Would Have Used My Fingertips As Windshield Wipers For Her Tears. I Would Have Placed My Open Palms Against His Chest, And Told Him He Mattered, At Least To Me, In This Moment, Brash And Reckless Healing,

They Told Me They Found A Muse In The Lost. Hopeless Melodies, Kurt Cobain. Sylvia Path With Stones In Her Pockets. ****** With Cyanide Tablets And Silver Born Bullets. Anne Sexton With Carbon-Monoxide Lungs And A Padlocked Volkswagen. Marilyn Monroe Silver Studded In Sedatives, Pulled Down Deep, Until There Was Nothing Left. Hemingway With Shotgun Shells Littering His Skull.

To Them It Seemed Like A Right Of Passage. A Last Attempt To Leave This Planet Screaming. A Better Than Goodbye. Something Poetic To Carve Into Your Skin, Or Flip Top Wooden Desk, So Someone Somewhere Would Remember The Name, Because They Were Told Legends Never Die.
This one is real personal. Hope it resonates with you, like it does with me.
 Jan 2013 Damaged
Ashleigh Kelco
Can't you see what you have done?
Broken me down and beaten me to the bone.
“No” has become meaningless and pointless.
Your words echo around my brain
where shattered memories lay in waiting.
You've ripped my body completely in half.
Wake up, please wake up.
It’s just another dark day
living in the place commonly known as Hell.
The demons are real and they live inside of me.
I can't fight them off.
As my strength is fading,
I pray to God that he'll just show up.
Can you hear me?
It’ll all be over soon.
Can you hear my heart beating?
Slower,
             slower,
                         stopped.
Can you hear me?
Open your eyes and breathe.
You have taken everything from me.
Listening to them laughing, teasing and cat-calling.
He’s grinning again, insatiable and ludicrous.
It's not over,
will it ever be over?
 Jan 2013 Damaged
Kaylin Martin
I need help.
I'm not the kind of person
to just ask for it flat out.
I hate feeling weak;
but I am breaking inside.
So many parts of myself break away each day.
There's the piece of me that broke off when Mama told me I wasn't good enough.
There's the piece that shattered when Daddy told me that I'm just like my drunk mother.
There's you not calling me back;
there's a bad day at practice..
Whatever it may be;
big or small;
I am breaking.

Help me,
please.

Don't let me get away with saying,
"I'm okay."
Don't just bypass the fact that my wrists are
two different colors;
too much cover up on fresh scars.
Sometimes I just need a hug;
just need to hear the words,
"You are important to me."
So when I go home at night,
I don't pick up the blood stained razor blade on my windowsill.
Someone...
I need help.

Please don't just pretend like you want to help me;
Giving me reassurance for a moment;
For the pain of being alone
when you get tired of
hearing my pointless stories,
seeing me cry,
letting me vent,
will be too much to bear.
Does no one see the pain behind my smile?
The sleepless nights?
Am I really that convincing?

I need help.
These lifeless black letters on a white computer screen that will be viewed by strangers,
proves it.
Someone,
please.
A random circle of venting and thoughts.
 Jan 2013 Damaged
Kaylin Martin
Hiding behind a smile;
keep it in my eyes,
its more believable that way.
It doesn't matter what I think;
it doesn't matter what I feel;
it doesn't matter what I want;
It doesn't matter why I want it:
It just matters that I keep quiet.
I've become good at it;
about changing what I think,
my ****** expressions,
the way I answer questions..
Hiding;
hiding everything..
I am good at it.
You would never know.
 Jan 2013 Damaged
Kaylin Martin
It's strange..
2 hours from now,
and I will have lived 18 whole years.
Years filled with memories:
So many life events,
and bad days,
and wonderful holidays.
So many days in history,
twelve years of school,
friends of every shape, size and color.
But do you know what's really strange,
about all the things that have happened to me
in the 6,570 days that I have lived?
Once you came into my life..
Most of that stuff vanished.
And it's just you.
All of my life events,
my bad days,
my wonderful holidays..
I only remember the ones that involve you.
Just you.
And you have no idea how ecstatic that makes me.
Most people would be sad to lose their memories.
But me..
As long as I have you to fill up
every day ahead of me..
I am in heaven.
All I need..
*Just you.
 Jan 2013 Damaged
Kaylin Martin
Sometimes I think we may be the same person.
So much that;
when you tell me secrets
I already know them.
When you laugh;
smile;
cry;
frown;
I do as well.
Maybe more so,
as I have the emotion of two people
filling my heart.
Sometimes, I think we may be the same person.
So much so,
that when I dream a dream,
you dream the same one;
waking with the same song
stuck in both our heads.
So much so,
that when I leave,
I feel a giant hole in my center,
the perfect outline of your heart.
So much so,
that sometimes I really do believe
that we are the same.
To you: I know I write a lot of negative things, but the good things out weigh them by hundreds. I'm just too scared to show you.
 Jan 2013 Damaged
Nicole
Scars
 Jan 2013 Damaged
Nicole
I move my hands across the skin of my wrist
It's soft, smooth; clear.
But it never used to be.
Over time, physical scars heal
Occasionally leaving behind some sort of mark.
A reminder of what was.
What used to be.
But there's nothing now.
It's as clean as it was,
Before the struggles,
Before the fight.
While the physical scars have faded,
The emotional ones never will.
Never given the chance to mend
So they won't.
As they burn deep,
It's a sad moment:
Reminders of life
Reminders of strength
Of relief
Now nonexistent.
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