Behind closed doors I see the world
Others look, but cannot see...

To look into the pain of a beating heart
To see the cape of black surrounding love
Why must I hide?
Why must I live in fear?
I want to feel brave,

But it’s not possible.

I’ve been locked away, behind closed doors.
Alone in the dark,
Thoughts rush through my head.

I want to express my feelings,
I want to be myself
But life has cursed me.

Am I a slave of love?
I’m forced to watch its powers
But never feel for myself.

My heart is locked away with the rest of me.
It still has the urges
To reach out...
       to love.

But if I reach out, I will be attacked.
If I reach out, I will be hurt.
If I reach out, the world will see me bare.
If the world sees me, I’m doomed.

I’m forced to watch love, and never experience it.
Is this what the world is supposed to be?
Am I supposed to be locked behind closed doors?
Am I meant to just be a prop in this silly game of God?
Why aren’t there answers?
Why can’t I be cured?
Why can’t the world see ME?

Alas, this is what I wonder
As the darkness draws me back in,
As my heart is draped with a black curtain,
I must stay here.

Locked behind closed doors.
Locked from the world.
Locked from me.

Maybe one day I can eventually leave this darkness...

But sadly once I leave this barren space,
I believe there is only more darkness to come
The darkness to come won’t be caused by me however,
Others will cause it.

So I guess the question to answer is, “which darkness is lighter?”

My darkness?

Or the world’s?

I'll take whatever comes my way.
No longer happy with myself.
Although you've taken my pride away.
I believe these drugs will help.
The devil's sitting on my shoulder.
Angel's nowhere in sight.
I pray that when I get much older, everything will come to light.
When it comes to the end of day.
My demons will come out to play.
What I thought was happiness isn't true.
Look at the stars, they shine for you.
The storm has come and I can't see them.
Don't want to be here, I'd rather be them.
Do you ever feel like your world's at end?
Desensitize my mind and all that is meant.
How can I believe that my heart is heaven sent?
Repeatedly convinced that I am not who I dreamt.
Wish I could see what I saw when I slept.
My heart in his palm, that he kept.
Optimus Prime on a pretty orange pill.
Swallow my pride and my body stands still.
Numbing every emotion that I could possibly feel.
Seems as if I don't know what's real.

a slit I promise
soon it becomes a deep cut
blades of the menacing knife pierces through the cold skin
blood oozes

you wish your grief would be gone with the pain but it lasts temporarily

you shrivel in fear
afraid of the bleak future that lies ahead of you
every day you await for death
but life lurks around you
and keeps you from jumping off the building

you were given hope yet you wished hope would be with someone else
death is all you're looking forward to
death brings you hope
in a strange way
no one understands