You mustn’t look behind
You mustn’t look ahead
Stay in the sideways they say but it can be hard when surrounded by *****
Your future is bleak and non-existent
Your past too melancholic
So sideways you look regardless of the numbing pain engulfing you
Your foreground fades to background
Your background foregrounds, highlighting futility
Looking sideways is how you stay until future and past collide

*You should’ve looked behind while the choice was there
Or ahead, at least

This city is ******* the life out of me,
in such a fast and glamorous manner.

I want to run away.
Wanderlust does not even begin to describe the extent of what I am feeling.
Cabin fever, no,
I have cabin flu.
I am coughing,
and sneezing,
and wheezing bits and pieces of my soul amidst mucus in my lungs.
I am losing myself,
stuck within the confines of every habit
and being
that has overtaken me and I have grown so accustomed to over the years.
It is time to cut ties.
Be alone, and free.
Isolation is the key to discovering the authentic me.

i must admit i am in awe of the way you walk past the immigration office
(or the way you walked out that door, but we musn't dwell on things.)

like you have nothing to hide - like secrets float off your cheek
(it's rather silly how your secrets are much more obvious when you toss and turn underneath my sheets.)

therapists told me to take a journey well into my soul
(they told me to dive, but we both know i'm only capable of unintentionally falling.)

i love watching your hands loosen their grip on the sides of the aeroplane seats
(although remembering you loosen your grip on me isn't quite as pleasant)

they told me to visit my happy place so i threw a dart at the map
(but let's be honest - without you home already feels like a hotel.)

and it amazes me how now with all the rust you've smothered onto my veins, you still expect me to walk peacefully through airport metal detectors.