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R
Why?
 Jun 2014 Daisies And Stories
R
I can't sleep on my side. He might touch me again. He always liked me when I was on my side.
I can't enjoy sleepovers anymore, not even with my girlfriend. He likes to change her face with his, messing with me was something he was quite fond of.
Occasionally, even touching her repulses me. Not because of you darling, but because I'm so very afraid... It could be him. He's everywhere nowadays.
I'm scared to hold onto you. *But you're also the only thing keeping me from hurting myself.
goawaydamnthoughtspleasejustleavemebeijustwishtobehappy
I haven't figured out how to
even begin to sew myself
back together because
I swear there are
pieces  o f   me
scattered all
over  this
town.
I
think
I  l e f t
most   of
them   o n
y o u r  front
porch yesterday
but then there are
some in Lawrence and
Overland Park and I don't
know how to find them. I don't
want to be happy with someone else,
Ryan. You are the only person who has
ever looked at my  heart  (so mangled
and disfigured by hollow promises)
and still wanted to keep it. I will
never  ask  for  it  back,  I  can
guarantee you that, so you
might as well get used to
the sound of it aching
for you from under
your bed and in
the    back    of
your closet.
In case you're reading.


Please talk to me.
She said people were seasons,
and when I first met her, I couldn't agree more.  
After getting to know her, I wished that I didn't.
Her ex-lovers were Winter, and her eyes were a shade of Spring.
I could see the vulnerability of a car crash
swimming in each fountain trapped behind her emeralds.
She was beautiful in the way that could cause suicides,
and fix spider-webbed windshields after each collision of,
“Are you okay,” and, “I’m fine; I promise.”

Every story was Winter, and she was always left alone in the snow.
Mauve lips mouthed words that silently whispered,
"When is this too much? When are you going to leave?"

People are patterns,
and all she knew was the tessellation of temporary love and permanent loss.
Her hands trembled as she looked down.
She was in transit; moving after each hope of home fell apart.
And I wanted to kiss her like the world was falling apart.
I need to open myself up and throw
away  all  of  this  stuff  inside me
that  tastes  l i k e  leftover  milk
and rotting   t o m a t o e s.   I
stupidly   let    out    all   the
f e a t h e r s  and sunlight
you've   been   sneaking
into  me for the  p a s t
year and I want them
back  I  want  them
back I want them
back  I    w a n t
them   back   I
want   t h e m
back I  want
you   back.
The light is too shy to dance with their breath.
Shivering German roads love the massage of Jewish feet.
If only the Angles weren’t too busy with me;
Tommy called me dumb and I needed God’s help.

Not even a pocket full of posies can scent moldy dreams.
24 is too young to give up, but old enough to be tired of fighting.
Our future has seen too many yesterdays to wait for tomorrow.
The world holds life together by thin threads we’re too eager to cut.
i was fine   before you so i
will survive after you, but
it's  just  that   i'm   having
trouble figuring out  what
parts of me have    always
existed     and  what  parts
are         your         creation
I've measured her right
Little toe. It's exactly 16mm.
When she grinds her teeth in her
Sleep, just rub her jaw gently.
She'll stop without
Waking up.

If you read to her in bed, she'll
Watch you wide eyed from
Your shoulder; study your features
As you speak.
She'll stop you if you lose her
Between two words she doesn't
Quite understand.
She'll thank you for explaining.
She's worth it.

She's allergic to sugar, dairy, gluten
And eggs. I'll mail you a hundred
Recipes I've created for her.
Tell you all the tricks
So I know she'll eat.
You get used to the hassle.
She's worth it.

She's crazy about cartoons.
Let her watch them; seeing her
Laugh beats the game
Hundredfolds.
She'll love you for letting her
Read for hours and tell you about
The story.
She'll be so beautiful
When concentrating.
Give her space. Yours included.
She's worth it.

Let her grow.
Let her learn in her own time.
Let her be who she is.

She was weaker before me.
Now she's strong enough
To stand up and do the right thing,  
Though both our hearts broke
In the process.

If she goes, let her.
Help her out, send her off
With blessings.
Say to yourself I'd rather see her
Happy without me than
Unhappy here.
You'll
Mean it.

You'll cry your eyes out
And scream at the skies. Then
Thank God for every minute
You spent as her man.
They were worth it.
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