i don't know how to process grief,
so i pick the memories,
put them in a basket,
like apples plucked from a tree.

there they'll rot, pungent and sweet,
until it ferments,
and then i'll get drunk on the memory.

the rancid cider hardly sates the thirst,
but going down it feels like pins and needles,
and my throat swells with a memory reversed.

my life is a treasure hunt,
waiting for my dowsing rods to meet.

somewhere down the road, you sink into my embrace,
and my arms cross behind your back like they found a spring.

and the water is so sweet.

i should learn *******.

not the spider on the wall,
tenant with no real wherewithal.

not the neighbours sheep,
who make me lose my sleep.

i should learn ******* my brother; anger.

until i learn *******,
my heart's incessant aria
will sing of a mangled furia.

a twist of cain, please guide my hand,
cut everything out wherever you land.

father of ******, i am your son,
don't disown what your faith had won.

the people of loss
have nothing on us,
pillows of unravelling floss.

only the pillow knows,
a pedestal for weakness,
our shared bygones.

i relate in body parts,
because my words fall short of hearts.

i relate, in knowing we both have twelve pairs of ribs,
the same way you and i have the curve to our hips.

i relate, in knowing your ulna runs down my radius,
the same way my thumb runs down your humerus.

i relate, in knowing how our teeth align,
the same way you compliment my design.

so i nest my mandibula,
in the crevice of your scapula,
set my rhythm to the countdown of your vertebra.

i relate, in knowing a pair of lips doesn't make two,
not unless they meet as me and you.

lately life feels like an invisible fire,
doused in methanol,
hot on my heels.

so, Vigiles, lay into me a firebreak,
right down my spine,
quench the fiery blood.

make me a dormant hearth full of cinder,
promise me to colder nights.

just don't forget to bring a match,
bring the spark to my thatch.

and i thought we said,
"we don't go these lengths for people",
and yet here i am,
right before your finish line.