Good luck to my future
With the best of intentions!

I promise that life will prove difficult
And that you'll want to give up,
But strive forward my friend!
For when you look up into the sky
And see a solitary star floating forward,
Know that someone is watching over you.
Those are angels lifting you up off the ground—
Not to take you off with them,
As you wish,
But to help you see another bright morning.
Think of those angels as family,
As old friends,
As current friends,
As future friends,
As myself, telling you that you're alright.

So I sit here writing to you, my beautiful future,
Saying this:
Don't ever let go.
Please have hope.
Stand tall.
Hold onto faith.
There's too many problems in this world
And too many terrible people
To have a great person leave this earth
Like a speck of dust cleaned off the shelf.

I hope that one day this will be read to you
Like a lullaby in the middle of the night
That will rock your fragile body to sleep.
Sleep, my friend,
But not for long.

MY BED STILL SMELLS LIKE YOU AND **** IF I HAVEN'T TRIED SO ******* HARD TO WASH THE SMELL OUT
BUT IT WON'T FADE AWAY. MAYBE THIS IS ALL IN MY HEAD.
MAYBE YOU WERE NEVER MINE TO BEGIN WITH MAYBE IT WAS ALL JUST AN ILLUSION
MAYBE I NEED TO STOP PRETENDING THAT WHAT WE HAD WAS REAL BECAUSE I'M STARTING TO REALIZE
THAT NONE OF THIS MEANT ANYTHING TO YOU. YOU KEEP LEAVING
LIKE IT'S ALL YOU'VE EVER KNOWN HOW TO DO. DIDN'T ANYONE EVER TEACH YOU TO STAY?
IF YOU'RE GOING TO WALK AWAY AGAIN DON'T BOTHER COMING BACK. I STILL REMEMBER THE WAY YOU HAD SCARS ALL OVER YOUR FINGERTIPS FROM TOUCHING TOO MANY STARS
AND HOW THE FIRST TIME YOU TOUCHED ME ALL I FELT WAS MY SKIN BURNING.
I THINK THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I TRULY EVER FELT ANYTHING.
NOW THAT YOU'RE GONE I'M ABSOLUTELY NUMB
AND ALL I WANT IS FOR YOU TO PLEASE ******* STAY.

i always thought
you were thru traffic
that you were just jet lag
background noise
the kiss in the rain
i've never had
but what if you aren't?
what if this
was the thousandth time
i have loved you?
what if this is just a fresh coat of paint?
what if god
keeps a handkerchief
soaked in the day we met
next to his bed?
maybe theres a reason
i reach for no one in bed
the way i would
if someone used to be there
you know, they say
the road behind us
is littered with things
we couldn't hold onto
i wonder how many times
you've slipped through my hands
like hour glass sand
do you know
how much erosion you've caused?
i heard cupid
stopped keeping count
of how many times
we came together
just to come apart again
maybe it was just a rumor
it makes me think
about how many times
i've almost had you
like if all this talk
about history repeating itself
endlessly replaying is true
i wonder how many times
things have happened already
like the time
i tried talking you
into loving me back
back fired
or the time i could have sworn
jesus & lazarus were playing chess
with my heartbeat
but it was only you smiling
how many times
have i tried to tell you
how many times
have you read this poem
how many times
have i tried not to meet you
in my dreams anymore
it's like sleep tries to warn
me of what's happening
before it does but
i keep having this dream
where i tell you bedtime stories
and each one
is a different way you die
and in every one
i can never save you
it's like you're this song
i have on repeat
and every time it starts over
i forget the words
it's like you picked up the book entitled "us"
and the back cover
said you'd leave
so you never bothered reading it
tell me you aren't
going back in that bookstore
just to do it again
or will you tell me tomorrow?
or is this the time
you don't say anything at all?
if this has all happened before
if we call it quits
before we begin
again
from the beginning
i just want to ask you
to be my fire
because i am tired
of these old lives
and i'd like to see them
burn

You told me that my heart
leaked a terrible poison.
That it was extreamly alluring
Yet unexplainably excruciating.

I've heard this before,
But you're the one
Who has been drawn to my demise
Like the moths
To my porch light.