With the knowledge that my skin is healing
That my cuts are fading
Makes me want to create more
So my "friends" never leave
And my little relapse depression party can rave on

How can you love someone who ties you up with chains of heartbreak?
I still ask myself that
Yet I love on,
So beautiful and sweet
Lovely and ravishing she is,
I’ll never get to call her mine I have realized long ago
Yet I still hold on,
Why?

She's like a wildflower,
Beautiful and carefree
She goes with the flow
And finds beauty in everythin'
Her only motivation - the sun and the wind
The ability to love herself, a power within
She counts the bumblebees as they buzz by
While some come to stay others just say 'Bye.'
She treats them kindly and gives them her all
Sweet and vulnerable, in hopes they don't sting
After all, herself,
Another human being

I wish you could hear the way I talk about you...

I haven't done it in a while,
But seeing the faded outline of my friends,
The scars that make me feel calm,
Made me want them back

I used to run my fingers along the cuts
As if I was reading braille to soothe my head;
Because I felt like those fresh wounds,
Were my only friends along with my blades

Those blades and the scars that accompanied them were something I could count on,
No matter how bad my day was I could cry all night
And sit in the bathroom mirror and talk to myself as I stared into my own eyes
Letting my blade dance across my skin,
Leaving a beautiful red trail;
The stinging sensation that came after that turned into the blissful pleasure,
That wonderful feeling I once loved was something I couldn't remember
Until today;

I wasn't even sad at the moment
It was just something my mind drove me to do out of sheer nostalgia
Because seeing the faded outlines of my scars
Counting each one replaying the night I created them
And remembering how close they were to me and that they were once my friends
Brought it all back;

So I threw a little self-harm depression party once again,
I created this little get together
And invited those old friends and demons of mine
Where my blade once again danced
And my scars then cried red;
Where I stared into my dark chocolate brown eyes
And let tears of my own claw their way out;
Where I smiled and laughed, talking to myself saying how much I missed the stinging pleasure
And relapsed again for the first time in a while

I thought about how what I was doing was something so wrong
And I told myself I was sadistic for laughing because I missed the sensation
But my god does it feel so right
I guess that's why so many people
Do all these things that slowly **** them;
Just as I do with self-harm...

You’re the main reason I want to live
But yet still,
The main reason I want to end it all
And it hurts like hell...