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 Mar 2015 Chaos
April
Only a Friend
 Mar 2015 Chaos
April
I can not stand up and cheer
it's your victory
but I can not show I care
in fact, I can not show my face

because

under the stars
twisting the grass through our fingers, our hands met
when we heard the crickets singing to their friends, our eyes met
and that night, my heart met yours

and since that time
the green grass
and the calls of the crickets
remind me

your heart pushed mine aside
when you called me only a 'friend'

so I can not stand tall
show my face, let you see me blush
I can only support you from afar
I'm only a friend
this might **** idk :)
 Mar 2015 Chaos
Pax
fate
 Mar 2015 Chaos
Pax

No bad deeds goes unpaid
strings of fate, never lose its raid.

a shout-out, tired, played to be a fool.
I've been played by my employer.
Manipulative and such a liar.
AS OF THE MOMENT I HATE MY LIFE
i'LL BE BACK WHEN THIS ANGER SUBSIDE...
Screaming "I don't care"
At the top of my lungs
No feelings or emotions
Easily roll off my tongue

Gonna leave me?
Left alone to soak in my misery?
That's my definition of sanity

Maybe it has something to do with
Being knocked unconscious at fourteen
Taken advantage of
But I only remember in my dreams
Then I wake up with no memory

I don't understand how I'm startled so easily
A simple figure of a man,
All of a sudden, standing anywhere near me
I jump, scream and can barely breathe
Even when I know it's the man that loves me
And would never intentionally hurt me

Panic flows continuously through me
Excessive amounts of anxiety
It's not really a new thing
Not really something anyone can explain
You could guess, make assumptions or try to diagnos me
But I don't think anyone could truly understand the pain

*I'm not so sure if no emotions is really a good thing...
 Mar 2015 Chaos
SE Reimer
~

the difference
just a day makes,
as my sun gives
way to tears;
its a different
kind of mourning,
yet i wonder
even here...
would i rather
life was lived,
instead of just
with hindsight,
was visible
in arrears?
perhaps,
sometimes,
my head nods,
yes,
but oh how often
would i miss
the wonder of
discovery;
the joy of doors
once closed,
opened when
i least expect?
and would
my choices
be the same,
with my foresight
saving me
from all the pain
that follows
love's discovery?
no,
i think
i'll take life
with all its twists
and turns
just as
its already
being written!

~

*post script

today balmy spring-like temperatures gave way to Oregon's typical late-winter rains. it is.always amazing to me how dependant we are on the weather for our moods; this change reflecting a mood already felt, a melencholy already known. sometimes it seems the weather knows best.
 Mar 2015 Chaos
EmptySadness
I know you told me not to fall in love with you
Because you think you're
to
      broken

Too late
I love everything about you
I love your flaws
And all our 3 am calls
I love our devotion
Filled with heart and emotion

But simply, your presence
You make the world a better place
At least mine
Not a day goes by that I don't wish
you were mine

I know you told me not to fall in love with you
because you think you're
to
       broken
But I cant stay away
Youre simply my world
*and that's that
This isn't for anyone in particular. Just free write (:
 Mar 2015 Chaos
EmptySadness
You know you love someone
When you get physically sick
Knowing they're sad.

You know you love someone
When their pain
turns into
yours

You know you love someone
When you would trade your own
happiness
for that person to be happy
Even if its only for
A
Second

You know you love someone
When you fear everyday
That they might do something
That would take them off this earth

You know you love someone
When you give everything you can
Hoping, Just hoping
That they might be happy
Even if its only for
A
*
Second
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