I don't want my heart to learn to love the rollercoaster boys.
The ones that take us on a ride but forget to tell us how many times we will go upside down, twist and turn, and sometimes fall out.
But those are the ones we fall for because they make us feel alive

I guess I try to find the good in everyone.
But more particularly, in you.
I had this picture in my head of what it could have been, just like everyone envisions their life with the person they love.

I guess at first I wasn't sure what this was going to be, or where "this" was going to go. But I sat down for the ride, and buckled up. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but for you I'd risk the crash and fall.

It started with the look in your eyes. Every time you would look at me, I thought for sure I could see the love in your eyes. And then it was the touch. Every time your skin touched mine, I thought for sure I could feel the love through your finger tips. All of a sudden it was the words. The three little words that are so small but are worth so much; i love you.
God, I love you. It came to that? I didn't know if I was ready for everything that came with "I love you" But hell, I'm in for the ride, right? I mean I sat down and buckled up so hell, I'm in for the entire ride. It took me awhile to say it back, but I knew that I loved you too-- Maybe I loved you too much already, maybe too soon.

I could feel myself growing with you. I felt myself growing because of you. I felt like life was starting to make sense, but I guess I let my feelings get ahead of me because last night I felt nothing but sadness.

Last night I felt like everything we made, everything we found, was doomed. Hell, it is doomed. We are nothing anymore. You must have found yourself in her, and I guess that's okay.
You cant force someone to love you back- right?
I guess I'm in this alone.

God life is seriously so freaking beautiful.
WE HAVE IT SO GOOD EVEN WHEN WE THINK WE DONT
I woke up this morning
God let me live yet another day.
He let me wake up to a blue sky, and green trees.
He let me wake up to people who love me.
He let me wake up to see my family for yet another day.
Life is so short, and you're sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. you're sitting around hating yourself, harming yourself, hating others, being cruel to others--- GOD LET YOU LIVE ANOTHER DAY AND YOU WANT TO MAKE THAT DAY A NEGATIVE DAY?
I spent too many days hating myself, hurting myself, and crying myself to sleep, BUT no more of that.
I love myself
I am alive
I am healthy
I have people who love me
I don't constantly feel alone or feel like I'm not good enough anymore, and it's all because of him. He blesses me more and more each and every day.

Today
I found myself waiting
For your call
I found myself looking for your name
On my screen the first time I woke up
I thought maybe you'd leave another voice mail
We know I sleep through most calls
Today
I didn't get the call
I didn't see your name
There was no voice mail

Today
Was the first birthday that you were gone
I didn't get to hear you ask
"do you know how much i love you?"
Today I cry,
I cry because I miss the only person who could've ever loved me more than God himself.

Do you see me when you close your eyes?
Do you see me when you kiss her good night?
I see you;
I see you when day turns to night.
I see you when the sun shines bright.
Do you see me when you touch her hair?
What about when she asks you what she should wear?
I long for the day I don't see you anymore.
When I can drive down back roads and sing "our song" without looking at the passenger seat and see you.
E.G

It's getting bad again
The voices went away for a while, but they're back again
They tell me I'm not good enough, & that  I'll never be loved
It's getting bad again, and I've had just about enough