its of its time
time we think goes on forever

years and decades tell the story of your past
all written down in your poems

poems of their time
and timeless all at once

the best you can do, do
and move on.

The Dragon's Egg

To understand my addiction
You have to know the
Back-story.

I was born in the dead of
Winter. Wednesday's child...
Full of woe. I was a preemie.
Mom fell on her stomach while
On a chair trying to change a
Lightbulb. As unpreposessing
A child as ever was born...

I won't go into my childhood
Difficulties too much, as they
Might prompt your judgment
Upon my parents. They were
Not really at fault. They did
The best they could based
Upon *their childhoods and
Limitations....

Mom was sick.
A great deal. The victim of
Horrific migraine headaches
And an undiagnosed (therefore
Untreated) bi-polar condition.
She had aspirations of being an
Actor. She really should never
Have had three children. She
Simply couldn't handle it. I was
Born only 16 months after her
Firstborn, my sister Chris. This
Definitely didn't help matters.
Then, because my little brother
Mark was born just as her
Acting career took off, she had
Much less time for my sister
And I. She had a newborn, a
Career, a husband and
Postpartum depression. Chris
And I (and eventually Mark)
Were neglected. Not really
Mom's fault. It was what
It was...

Dad was a complex man.
A hot-tempered stoic. A hard
Worker who hated manual
Labor. A war hero who also
Became a runner (he would
Become a severe
Alcoholic - an addiction he
eventually overcame).
A generous miser.
A cultured plebian.
A spiritually minded atheist.

I don't blame him. But the
Last dichotomy was our
Downfall. We were
disallowed from church. Went
To an atheist Sunday School.
We learned about all the world
Religions save Christianity.
Or maybe I missed THAT lesson.
But as a result I had no real
Moral compass to live by. My
Parents tried to teach us
Ethical behavior, but because
Jesus and the Holy Spirit weren't
A part of the equation it was
Doomed to failure. One can't
Simply be "moral" or "ethical".
Without Jesus, we are all
Rank sinners. Sorry if this
Offends some of you. But it's
TRUE. Jesus paid the price.
Only faith in Him can make
A person right with the Father.
All else is vanity. My father
Spent his lifetime trying to be
A "good" man. He tried to
Be a "good" husband. A "good"
Father. But his efforts
Always stymied by lack
Of the essential puzzle piece....

JESUS**.

I was never the hero of
My own life. Nor did I try to
Be. I ran. No Red Badge of Courage.

No Olympiad. No laurels to be placed
On a head bowed in humility. I ran...
In the wrong direction. I had a Dragon
To chase, you see. No St George,
However. I wanted to embrace the
Monster, and take it home. And in
Doing so, i was severely burned
In the process.

I've spent a majority of my life
severely addicted to drugs and
Alcohol. Anything. ***. Amphetamines.
Acid. ***... Anything that could
Alter my pathetic state. I was the
Walking Wounded. Dead. My drug
Of choice was *******. Crack. It did
The job better than anything else
I tried. The euphoria a road to
That fabulous beast unlike any other.
That pipe and lighter its flaming maw.

But, ironically, the rock of my shame
Lead to the Rock of my Salvation.

And I finally ran... into Jesus's arms.

You can
Walk on love
Like you walk on water
You can break a heart
Like you change the weather

You can go the extra mile
You can drive a Studebaker
Blow all the tires out
Curse you maker

You can
Say I love you
You can say I hate you
You can never say enough
When life gets really really rough

So when you learn to walk on water
When you learn you can't love one
And then another
When you live up to all your lows
put down all your highs
you can let me know

just one solo  on one guitar string
a shame to be a song
sung so much
so often

one psalm on Sunday yelled
by a preacher loud
hung over the
sinner's heads

belated condolences to a loved one
when they lower  that casket
down to the
bottom

a fish swimming upstream I seem
to be without sane direction
or a site to spawn
again

a singer singing to the choir
off key a different song
then what they are
singing

a child full grown a lost baby boy
a weather vane in the storm
a mast of a boat
broken

got several keys I can make a
duplicate  but no lock
or safe to
open

a  road leading off somewhere
gravel leads to nowhere
never seeing the dead end
sign

al kinds of dichotomies
rash decisions had a chance
to lead me
away

everywhere used to be my options
they somehow suddenly
got so ******* narrowed
down

why do I when someone dies I know
stop for a thought of eternity
when everyday I go on without a thought
just work the day till I get off to
grab a six pack a dame and get along
is the end such a bad thing
it might be grand
after so many years children grown
on their own
what hell why do we go on
fooling time and destiny
might be better than what we have
the daily grind
insecurity
the nose and grind
you know
or not
the end is all of  it
and can't turn back
I guess

Must we only dream
   of wise kings who know
that rivers must flow
   peacefully
so a woman can sing
   her children to sleep
and fathers not weep
   holding them
in grief too heartbroken
   to rage
at the violence men bring
    in this age
that should be long left
   behind us?