everytime a shiver goes up my spine
I can’t help but remember your touch;
the way your fingers laced together against the curve of my back
                                                            ­            while you molded your lips
                                                                     against mine, fusing my skin to yours.

everytime I see you
I see the smile that I fell in love with
and the pool of lust in your eyes


                                    that was enough to bring
                                    me to my knees
                                    before you.

hearing your name brings me back
to our midnight conversations
in the dark,
back when                                                             love was kind                  
                                          ­           and your words planted flowers in my veins

every breath
reminds me that
after everything
                                                 I was not enough
                                             to satisfy your hunger,
that the taste of your lips
was the taste of a
desire so stale
that it could
****
me


now I lay awake
crying in the dark,
wishing for your lips
against mine.
                                                         I just want to die.
just kiss me,
just
****
me...

It's easy to see why you fell in love with him,
It's easy to see why you hoped you found forever
But you didn't.
And that disappointment felt like a death
and you have been trapped between anger and denial
for four years.
You think you must bury him in order to bury your grief.
And convincing others of this too
has become a game
where you sleep and play
inside your litter box.
Now the feces of hatred and revenge
stick to your feet wherever you go.
You must turn him into a monster
by telling anyone who will listen
that he is haunting you—and you really want this to be true
because that would mean he was still interested in your life.
But when you are alone and still…you remember...
coffee and stories, genuine kindness
and you know, his only crime was breaking your heart.

I understand your heartbreak;
you saw your knight in shining armor,
The answer to your loneliness.
Your pathway out of poverty.
His demeanor is gentle,
his quiet, listening face
hears your words with truth and interest;
every sentence is allowed to live its full life
until you are validated and understood.
He is your biggest fan, a loving caregiver.
Children and animals are drawn to him
like a shepherd or a father or a friend.
We both know he gave 8 years to a child,
a paraplegic who wasn’t even his own.
Bathed him, carried him, wiped drool from his chin
and in between all the doctors, made him laugh.
He offers himself to everyone this way, so

I understand why losing him hurt you so wholly
I know this, because I love him too.
But I think you and I define love very differently;
I wouldn’t want someone whom I had to threaten to make him stay.
I wouldn’t derive my identity from an unspoken contract
or imaginary promises that I insisted he owed me.
I wouldn’t try to destroy another human being
for the sole purpose of hiding my own embarrassment.
You see, love would remember his beautiful soul
and love would sincerely want him to be happy

Even if that meant he found happiness without you.

To love,
      surety sure as the sky is blue
blue as any and all warmth
           of colored skin
true as truth on the lips
             of statues
of red lipstick on a rough chin
                  strong
as stronger hangs from steel
          taller skyscapes
and mountain limbs
            deep
deeper than a long call of
            an eagle soaring down
to her mate falling, falling
                  around down
down to almost crash
          but see
the seas as the blue rush crash
               on white sands beauty of
naked skin
                and hues of
sunlit scenes
                      in your bronze
brown skin your eyes,
    To love: In more brevity...
is all there is!

✿ڿڰڿ♥♥ڿڰڿ✿✿ڿڰڿ♥♥ڿڰڿ✿

where the most importance resides on
the meadow
rise
in apparent
glaring
I saw
her eyes.

from the first moment I met him
I knew we sang the same song,
I watched from a distance
with loving eyes
staying his friend
all along

took several decades and wrong turns where
until I found that there
her being life
an angel you might call
her, yet flesh and blood,
and heart
and soul  so much
in tune with my
song.

I loved him    from afar
his caring heart, his loving soul
I kept a distance but, stayed near
giving love, encouragement, and hope
when I could sense his fear.

my lungs called her name for many years
sang out searching for her eyes
and did not know she had been
answering
all the time
along
in
away
I refused to hear.

I always heard his song
I sang back
never loud enough to be heard
and in my heart I would long.
I’d step back many times
but  
his song
would always draw me near,
I knew then that I would sing
until the combined melodies
he would hear.
Then one night melodies sang
calling song
answering
calling song….

And now,
like newness and hope and heaven
we sing together!

                      ✿ڿڰڿ♥♥ڿڰڿ✿