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 Apr 1
i left her today.

i was scared of her abandoning me
for the woman she loved
more than me.
she told me not to worry,
that she loved me.
the word sorry,
held no meaning.

i left her today.
i left her today, and i survived because of it.
i did not let her manipulate me,
and i stood strong.
 Mar 29
More Love
I used to be afraid.
Of what? I wonder.

Now that everything is gone.
 Mar 27
you never learn
you never will
seasons come and leafs fall out
and you’re still fixing the past
the sun rises and you’re still up
guarding the moon and making sure
no creature wakes up, unless you do
yawning like a child through the night
securing every starlight
assuring no one gets lost in dark fights
as quiet as the lion
glorifying its way to the den
and birds ease off to the their nests
you’re at peace
you’re relieved
but you can’t control them tears
nor confine the seeing
 Mar 27
Little Bird
I have memorized every inch of him
in hopes that when he goes
I might still have something left

but his picture fades with everyday
and now I have only shapes and shadows
of the man that I love
With love,
 Mar 27
I stopped writing.
Not because I fell out of love with it...
My emotions just seemed to disappear.

I started a new medication.
The doctor said it would help my panic disorder, and it did.
I took that pill, like my mother talks to God (every morning).

When I went back to the doctor she said we had to up the dosage because apparently having 2 panic attacks a week still isn't okay.
I told her that when I woke up this morning I got out of bed without crying, but she didn't consider that as much of a victory as I did.

When I was put on a higher dosage, my emotions shut down.
After a few weeks I stopped crying, my OCD got better, my panic attacks were gone, and I could even go into the student union of my college campus without my heart trying to win a race against my thoughts.

I could breathe.

But, I also stopped having fun.
I felt like a stranger in my own body.
My emotions found the exit on the plane and jumped, never to be found again.

Since when did being able to breathe require me to feel like this?
 Mar 27
She Writes
**** doesn’t always hide
At parties and outside clubs
**** doesn’t always hide
In dark alleys and empty parking lots
Sometimes it is right in front of you
But you choose to look the other way
**** doesn’t always hide
Behind the faces of strangers in the night
Sometimes it is hiding behind the closed doors
Of your uncles
And brothers
**** isn’t always loud-
Screaming, yelling, and crying
Sometimes **** is quiet-
Gasping for air and silent tears
 Mar 27
Ugo Victor
I can't sleep
Everytime I remember your words
They snap and recoil
And hurt me awake
Next time when someone
Promises me forever
I'll just smile
Look them in the eyes and ask
How long is forever to you.

— The End —