There was a time before
lies passed through our lips—
before the world tossed us
in all of its muck and mess;
a time when we found redemption
in a bowl of sugary breakfast cereal
and when we thought we were
always one step ahead
of a coyote and his dynamite.
 
There was a time before we
knew how to take advantage of hearts—
when we hid our secrets in glass jars
and buried them in the backyard;
a time when we wouldn’t mind
making the climb, if only to enjoy
the breeze on our way to a crashing halt;
when we thought that sleep
was a punishment
and not a cure for a problem.

There was a time
when living was second nature;
when feeling was as easy
as taking a breath, and
risk was down right,
**** straight,
******* ****.

That time?
It's a figment of a younger imagination.
But that time just may be
my metaphor for you.

Sorry I'm not good enough for you
How am I suppose to be good enough for you when I'm not good enough for me?
I can't satisfy society
Can't satisfy anyone, not even myself
~sigh~
I'm not sated,  neither is society and society never will be
No one will ever stop being thirsty or hungry or greedy
No one will ever be sated
I want  be sated but I don't know what I want anymore
Our generation wants everything and even when we get it we'll never be happy with it
We'll never be sated or happy
Cause having everything is nothing
Because we can have everything we thought we wanted and not want it anymore
Cause if I really wanted to be sated
I would have everything I need....not what I wanted

I regret I wasn't good enough
I should have tried to be
I regret I didn't ask more
I should've asked more
I regret I whined too much
And I regret everything I did and didn't do
You told me everything I did wrong
I whined too much, I assume things, and I'm too attached to people and I make them uncomfortable
I don't know why I do it
I didn't really see it till you told me
I hate it
Makes me realize how messed up I am
I hated that you didn't even give me a chance to fix these things before you told me to "*******" after telling me how annoying I am
Then I realized
After what happened between me and Ne'coe I realize now that was my second chance to fix things
But
I didn't see it
I was too dumb to see it as a sign that I was the problem
That it was me
Not anyone else
I keep regretting
and I can't seem to stop
I keep over thinking everything I do or say to anyone
I hate regretting
because it makes my heart squeeze and crush under it's weight and it makes it heavy as oceans
And I'm doing it again
And again
And again
I keep reading the messages you sent me and it crushes my heart rereading it
All the reasons I was never good enough
Everything
And it makes me want to cry, but I can't
I haven't cried for anything for three years and I don't know why,
but I'm all cried out even after never crying
So I just try to fix these things you said, even though you won't want me anymore
And
I'll be a better friend for someone else
And if it helps
*I still care about you

You should know that she's ruining you
I think she has already
You think I'm the one who's ruined
I am but at least I haven't changed
You've changed, you've changed a lot since you've met her
She left you and hurt you more than once
you still love her
She's cheated on you more than once
and you still love her
And you forgave her and took her back every time
I was your friend
I tried to help you
But you pushed me away
by ******* me off and using my weaknesses to hurt me
This is what has happened to you
you turned into a *****
And you said you saw why I tried to **** myself, but did you see why your girlfriend did too?

I'm bleeding out
Almost empty



You spite me
You tried to **** me



Sorry, I should have told you
I'm immortal



I bathe in blood
Drink the souls of those who fail



I created evil
Gave birth to fear



Yet, you think it's simple
To end me here?



Hear that ringing in your head?
That's a sign



Soon enough, I'll have your life
It's mine!



I can't wait until the moment
I steal your breath



It's such a rush
My own ecstasy



Oh, don't even scream
No one cares



Not a single person will hear it
They just don't value life anymore



Haha! Isn't is funny?
It's all because of me!



Now, cry. Beg me!
I want to hear your suffering



It's nothing to be ashamed of
You were misinformed



You didn't know who I was
Now you see



Shh It's all over now
Don't worry dear


After you die
It won't sting

Eyes are covered
Hands are bound
Sound has been silenced
Numbness washes over every inch of skin and tissue
Sorrow has become my air
Self pity my fuel
Misery my only companion
Locked in my mind, a move replays over and over
Reliving every failure, every loss, every disappointment, every lie
Drowning in what if
Suffocating in the darkness of the past
The light of day brings no joy, only aggravation
The endless chatter of the world becomes a sting to my heart
A torture to endure.
A overwhelming tug at my heart strings
A feeling of future turmoil
The pit of my stomach physically hurts, Pain
Waiting for an impending doom
Lost without a shred of hope
Why has my faith betrayed me?
Why can't I shake this feeling?
Feels as if I am living in a nightmare never able to awake.

Terrifying façade,
long and tall, overpowering
but frail.
Ready to crumble and fall.

Snide wire intertwined,
exit wounds in the concrete flesh.
Each thorn stood to attention,
unwelcoming guards of the now unwanted.

Block after block
of relentless alleyways,
like a labyrinth of colossal gravestones.
The sky opens.

Water rattles bullet-like,
upon the once majestic city walls.
The cathedral moans its last hymn
as the steeple betrays itself.

The descent prevails.

She took my hand and followed me
through the trees,
under the archway made of ivy
(flanked by pristinely carved hedges)
into the vast, open field
which met the ethereal red sun
on the horizon.

We sat in the fresh grass,
cool in the evening air.
All the while we stayed silent,
just admiring the untouched space.
Each blade of grass before us
swayed gently,
tantalisingly...

Time had stopped
but everything was still living.
Still moving.
As if this place were not included
in Time's perseverance.  
I didn't want it to be,
it was too important to me.

It occurred to me then
that it wasn't this place
that I valued the most at all
It was this moment.

And I captured it.