The funny thing
When she walked in
I glimpsed an average
Lady of my age
Well surely
A few years younger
Then my slave master
#1 Girlfriend! (abusive care taker)
Yet as I took this nice lady for a tour
Of our Dog friendly kennel
As she spoke
Her words touched
Like massaging hands
Her eyes shined
As they peered through my soul
With her heart exposed
Her heart a mirror reflection
Of what I forgot could exist
I wondered...
Why do I resist?

All these efforts to keep the tide from taking the shore
Change always comes
Sometimes invited but mostly not
So I learned to sit and be still
Til the water took my air
I learned to breathe again
To die a different way
Better days are stuck in the past
Days that never would last
Pain learned to stay, though
Turns out she's addictive too
Or I'm just comfortable
Or tired and defeated
Fill in the blank here
My words are too small
Vocabulary died in '09
Or '12 or '16 or '19
Whatever year I choose, the loneliness is the same
The same slow-cooked ache between my ribs
That only cider or *** or songs can soothe
But today I face it
I face the tide
Maybe I'll go under
But I'll never have died