All these efforts to keep the tide from taking the shore
Change always comes
Sometimes invited but mostly not
So I learned to sit and be still
Til the water took my air
I learned to breathe again
To die a different way
Better days are stuck in the past
Days that never would last
Pain learned to stay, though
Turns out she's addictive too
Or I'm just comfortable
Or tired and defeated
Fill in the blank here
My words are too small
Vocabulary died in '09
Or '12 or '16 or '19
Whatever year I choose, the loneliness is the same
The same slow-cooked ache between my ribs
That only cider or *** or songs can soothe
But today I face it
I face the tide
Maybe I'll go under
But I'll never have died

What do we have in common
A desire for connection
Acceptance
Of self
Or each other
A sense of purpose
A safe happy contented home
A place to be at peace and harmony
In love
In mind body and soul

These walls were meant to keep people out, to keep me in;
These streets are narrow and only one-way,
And I can't decide if I should change. (Can people change?)

I want to open the doors, but I only stare silently,
Imagining the devil on the other side,
And I can't decide if it's worth it. (Am I worth it?)

This is a prison and I'm the warden of my hell
I'm the judge, the jury, and the executioner, too;
And I can't decide if I should live again. (Am I worth it?)

Crying
For no reason again
Questioning
Why am I even here
Darkness
It's 4:40am right now
Thoughts
End it all
End it all
End
It