Another day and they say "it's a new beginning"
But is it really, it feels more like an ending
An ending of time
In a life that doesn't rhyme

An unending march into the uncertain
Like the droping of life's curtain
Another day closer to the end
But I'm still waiting on my life to begin

I'm tired of this life's storyline
I want a different out come this time
I want happy, not sad
I want the good, not the bad

But there is no off ramp
Sadness leaving it's tattooed stamp
An uneasy feel of being a ***** lost *****
Meanwhile life just goes on like a vamp

Over and over the same music plays
A sorrowful song, for long anguished days
But I want a change in the beat
An uplifting melody to get me on my feet

Will you be my new rhythm
An escape from my prison
Are you my golden key
Will you try to set me free

Will you hold me tight
When I'm a sad sorry sight
There is no cure for my depression
But will you help the darkness lessen

Or will you run for the hills
Jump in the sea and grow gills
Just to get away
From a disease you can not sway

As the darkness continues devouring
Will you leave me here cowering
Slowly choking down another toxic pill
Till this clock like heart's hands stand still

©Pauline Russell

There has been rain clouds
these past few days,
I've been allowed
to love for a long time,
Maybe i should drown
the problems alone,
maybe it's enough,
I have loved enough.
You clouded my trust
And now I know
that I have loved enough.

I hope you find all that you're looking for.

Bloom where you're planted,
All women are told,
To thrive.
We are told to wait to be chosen, to be cut, to be picked the moment we blossom,
Only to be an ornimental object,
Some temporary color,
A disposable distraction.
To simply be beautifully brief.
Well I,
I am more.
I am more than a windblown wish
Than petals to be plucked
Than a wildflower waiting to wilt.
I am rooted. I am grounded.
And I,
I Bloom.

Never forget
That only the uncut flowers
Get to keep on growing.

|b.g.|

Wouldn't I love to be hard to get, again?
The one that was so close you could almost touch her.
But no, you know my feelings for you, now.
You've known for a long time.
And now life has called us in different directions.
And the tables have been turned.
You are hard to get.
You are so close, I could almost touch you.
I sometimes forget your feelings for me.
Though I've known them for two years.
You are hanging on to me by a thread.
As you put together your broken life without me.
I watch from afar.
And I shake as I hold on desperately to the kisses that I know you'll need.
Sometime in the future.

Ever since I met her, I felt like I've been living in a fantasy world
where pearls are found on land, diamonds are bound to our hands
and the passing of the sands seems all too quick for me and her.
I have dreamed of a love like this, a love that keeps me up at night
not from fright nor fear of what may come in the darkness
but the way an artist envisions his paintings and drawings walking,
talking behind each hidden smile and each following eye
I felt like I've leapt on the canvas and painted exactly what I wanted.
This girl, she makes me scared, makes me happy, makes me sad,
not the bad kind of sad but sad to ever think about disappointing her,
the blur in memories are filled in with moments where her smile is visible,
like a mythical creature; I can not believe such a beautiful girl exists.
Betwixt the sunrises and sunsets, I've seen my share of happiness,
my life is one happy mess and it's thanks to that one angel.

My starshine, may we be together forever in time,
I love you always and forever; whichever one of those is longer,
and each day I grow stronger with nothing but the thoughts of you.
So because of you, I am happy again...but also scared.

Scared...because I'm scared I may never ever love again,
unless that person was you.

Happy valentines day beautiful.

We live in a world where some choose to sit idle by
as a cry for help is silenced by an obsession with wealth,
as mental health concerns suffers the silent treatment
and reason categorises wounds and scars to visible marks.
Sometimes the marks are visible, the physical projection of pain,
the doctors deem them fixable, as if the pain ingested
could be cured by a pill or an injection, it's reckless
to assume pain from a broken perspective.
It is not effective to judge what should and shouldn't hurt,
sometimes it just hurts, the dirt in a wound waiting to blister
like a twister caught between an earthquake and a tsunami,
an army of different antidepressants swallowed without hesitance,
but sometimes it still hurts. It just hurts.

We live in a world where suicide is one thing countries share in common,
and often we ask ourselves 'do politicians ever think about people?'
The feeble argument between money and lives, as the night
passes its light onto different matters. When a person falls in a forest,
can their cries for help be heard. The muttered words are non existent,
but the persistent debate of what is going to be next in the budget cut,
loses touch on what is really human; 'when are we going to fund the help
that mental health concerns deserve?'.

The children is our key to the future, like candles alighting tomorrow
so why are we letting mental illness blow out the lights.
The children is our key to the future, but what future must we share
if humanly care and compassion is missing from the equation,
a new train station will not provide a shoulder for those who need it,
is human kindness disappearing?
How many more lives must we watch perish?

Some days I just want to crawl back into bed
lay my head to rest on the pillow that comforts my cries.
I wear a disguise, the strong hearted, thick willed man
but a simple scan of who I am, proves I'm the opposite.
The optimist inside me is losing the battle, rattled
by heartbreak taunts and the gauntlet I once wore
and the pledges I swore held no real strength in guarding me.
The garden seed that was supposed to blossom and bloom
sits as seeds in a shaded room, aided by strong winds
and grinned at the sunlight admiring the caressing lights.
My heart alike, sat behind my ribcage admiring her smile,
admiring her eyes, admiring the thoughts she shared
and bonded pairs led to love but tonight it was different.
Not for a lack of interest but tonight I sat in bed crying
smiling at my pillow that soaked up my tears and comforted me.

Tonight I watched the stars hoping that she would watch them too,
hoping she knew how much I would have given to make her smile,
but the dying light is fading and sun up seems to be approaching fast.
My beating heart seems to beat on, but to what tune does it beat to now?

With you now gone
With no one to hold on
Emotions are mine alone
Mine to own

All alone I'll keep my secret
I know just where I'll keep it
I'll keep them in my pen, my ink
Deep into the paper I'll let it sink

This universe is so ******* cruel
Suffering here without you
You where my rock, my Dimond
Now who is all alone... Well I am

So I feverishly scratch, like cat with claw
I write it all out, big and loud on my wall
After I'm gone, maybe someone will read
Till that day my pen will still bleed

Like a mighty hurricane
Your memories play about my brain
Bringing forth both happiness and pain

This is what follows
When pulled under by the sorrow
My mind your absence trys to grasp
Breath quickens, to short little rasp
Heart beating at such a rate
It threatens to beat through my breastplate
Butterfly feelings, makes my stomach twirl
Like millions of delicate wings in a swirl
Sleep refuses to invade
All the memories with you I've made

Then the tears start to slide
Slow at first, like they're trying to hide
The shoulders that shake
Till my whole body quakes
Trying to keep the whimpering moans inside
But the wail breaks forth, with the pooling tears coincide

Every feeling for you is amplified
Every moment magnified
To your memory forever chained and enslaved
You left my heart engraved